Falling out of love

[ConstantCraving]

Hello, everybody. All I ask is patience, because this may take long.

I think I'm falling out of love with my girlfriend. Of course, the "I think" part is an euphemism.

I can't tell when did all this started. Maybe some seven months ago. We've been toghether for more than two years on, with neither highs or lows (and maybe that's something to be worried about). The closest we've been to a fight was after a few months we met; she uploaded to a forum these pictures of her, taken during one of our intimate moments, which really pissed me off; we argued, she started the usual drama of crying and begging for forgiveness, then we went like "nothing has happened here" and that was all.

I met her on the net. I was 23 and she was 18. Our contact consisted merely on e-mails and phone calls. We were like that for only two weeks. Then, we went to our first day. And we kissed. I can tell whether I really meant it or did it just because that was what I was expected to do. A month later, and after seeing each other barely thrice more, we both became boyfriend and girlfriend, but in a formal and official way. Almost like fianc�s. We were going too fast, yes. And now I regret it. We were like forcing it, right? Well...

Soon, we started with our first intimate encounters. And I say "our first" because we both were virgins (and still we are). Mutual masturbation, mutual oral sex, that kind of things. But not much more. We were way too nervous to go for the big deal. We didn't know (and we were very scared about it, also) how to achieve penetration.

By that time, I was going though a serious depression. I thought that starting a relationship would -magically- save me. And it did somehow, but not completely. I was somewhat happy, but still feeling like crap. So I made an appointment to a doctor, who prescribed me some medication. It slowly begun to did its magic, but what showed up immediatly were the side effects: sexual dysfunction and llack of sexual drive.

My girlfriend promessed me she would understand me, support me and keep me company. And she did.

After a year or so, I was discharged by my doctor, and all the side effects faded away. Nevertheless, when I was with my girlfriend, I felt that something was not right, like if there was something missing. I couldn't get any erections, and I didn't feel like see her naked. Also, I didn't like her kisses anymore.

Since then, I started some kind of very slow process of falling out of love. Each time there are more things about her that just annoy me. For example, she doesn't respect my silences: I'm a quiet guy, mostly instropective, and I rather enjoy the silence than fill it with empty words. She doesn't see this, and keeps asking me what's wrong, why am I so serious, etc, constantly. Plus, she wants me to like the same things she likes (music, films, books, etc), but this is not an "exchange", for she is not interested at all in the things that I like. And her friends, she forces me to spend time and hit it off with them, when I don't feel like it. And about the frecuency we see each other... Well, our obligations through the week (our job and carreer) left us with no alternative but saturdays, no matter if we feel like being toghether or not (she does, whlist I certainly don't).

It will come as no surprise to anyone, so I guess there's no need to say that I look other women, and I feel much more desire towards them than to my girlfriend. I would never cheat on her, eventhough I feel very guilty about the mere fact of having fantasies with anyone else except her.

I'm thinking seriously of breaking up. But there are many things that keep me from taking any decision. First, our families. Mine are fond with her, and so does hers with me. I think I would hurt both families if we split up.

Another thing is that I'm affraid of being alone. I mean... It took me 23 years to find someone who loved me. Would it take me some other 23 years (in the best of cases) to find someone new? It's so hard for me to make other girls notice me. I'm very shy and the fact that no one looks at me on the street or any other place doesn't help much. Also, I got a lot of issues about body, and about my virginity.

I don't want to destroy her. But, on the other hand, I can't tie myself to a life I do not want. Since the begining of our relation, she dreams of going to live toghether and... having children! She even has their names decided (of course, she never let me choose, LOL). You have to be a heartless son of a bitch to dump someone with dreams so tender. And I'm not mentioning the thing about my treatment... What's the deal, uh? I feel bad and I stick with her, and once I feel fine again I don't need her anymore? I feel like shit, indeed.

There's a lot more I would like to say, but I don't want to make this more long than it is. Thanks for reading and excuse me for any error, since I never learnt English properly.

[Gigabitch]

You never were in love with her. It was infatuation, and yes, it's fading. It's natural. It's not the crime of the century. Let her go.

[VincenzoG91]

This is a reasonably normal situation, and there is no reason to get dramatic about it. You sound like you're both good people, and you shared a nice relationship. But you're different people and you're both young enough to go through a lot of changes that can pull you apart. You could try talking to her directly about the things that bother you, like the talking or the different interests. Or you could just gently break things off with her. I hear your point about the 23 years, but let's face it, you weren't really looking for 23 years, more like 7 or so years. And you probably learned some positive things while in this relationship, so it shouldn't take you years to meet the next one. If you do break up with her, try dating around for a while without getting too fixated on one person. You can learn a lot about yourself and about women that way, and be a better person when you meet the right one.

[ConstantCraving]

Thank you, Vicenzo, for your advice. And yes, sure, I guess I've been way too catastrophic with the twenty-three years of longing. Anyway, seven years is yet too much time, and I don't want to wait that long again.

The strangest about all this mess, is that I can't help some feeling of angst when I imagine both scenarios, this is, sticking toghether and splitting up. The first may not hurt her -at least not in the short run-, but would make me miserable, because I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life, or even the next two or three years. And the later will certainly do hurt her, and also hurt myself, but perhaps it's the only way.

I'd appreciate further opinions from other users, though I see it very difficult, since my original post is one of those TL;DR-ones...

[IndiReloaded]

Vince and Giga summed it up. Nothing more to give re: opinion, unless you are just looking to vent and/or wallow. Are you into drama?

[ConstantCraving]

Only Vicenzo gave me advance. Giga barely made display of some kind of moderator prepotency in honour of her own nickname -therefore I haven't thanked her. And what if I am into drama? Well, no, I am not into drama at all, but what if it would be the case?

Ok, I guess that's all. Thank you for nothing. What a lovely community. Probably it would be given more attention to old-time users than to newbies (what a stupid label, for ****'s sake). If that's what it takes to be read, nevermind, I never was interested in being part of the top posters' little world, nor in this or any forum around the Internet. Bye.

[adam95]

well, i assume no one wrote anything else cause as indi said, they've summed it up. after reading ur situation i felt the same way as vincenzo, so i didnt bother just repeating it.
and by the looks of your last post, you seem a little into drama.

[IndiReloaded]

Another thing is that I'm affraid of being alone. I mean... It took me 23 years to find someone who loved me. Would it take me some other 23 years (in the best of cases) to find someone new? It's so hard for me to make other girls notice me. I'm very shy and the fact that no one looks at me on the street or any other place doesn't help much. Also, I got a lot of issues about body, and about my virginity.

I guess he was looking more for support to do with this^ paragraph, as opposed to advice about his breakup.

There are plenty of other members here. I'm sure some of them will relate to your issues. You asked for patience, I suggest you find some of your own as regards your expectations from a FREE internet forum.

[adam95]

ok, i'll comment on that paragraph for you friend.
even im afraid of being alone but if i dont love my gf, i'll let her go cause its unfair that i cant love her the way she does me.
and it wont take you 23 years to find someone. you've had some experience now and im sure it will be easier for you to find a girl. consider this as an experience, at least you know now what you want in a girl.
i'm also very shy and reserved but i still managed to find the girl of my dreams. do the right thing and let her go. you'll find some one for you.

plus: do be patient if you want a lot of responses. not everyone here is online at the time you are friend.