I know what went wrong, so what's my next move?

[PlumPudding]

Oookay, this is my first post on here but I really do need help and any feedback would be wonderfully appreciated!

My boyfriend broke up with me the beginning of July. We're both 20, and had been together for 9 months. Things were all smooth except for the last two months, when the relationship went long distance. And by smooth I mean like, best friends, wonderfully romantic, no fighting at ALL!, genuine care, etc. We connected on so many levels and agreed to disagree on the others with no bitterness.

However when he moved back home for summer break, he worked 2 jobs, 7 in the morning to 10 at night. He just maybe went on facebook chat to say a simple hi and that was the extent of our communication and then eventually he said that our relationship wasn't going to work out--I didn't fit into his "dream life."

What that is though is something that no longer fits me . . .not because of him, it actually happened before anything went wrong in our relationship but I never got the courage to say anything. I told him once in the beginning of our relationship that I didn't like babies at all and he told me later that he desperately wants kids so he said he could never marry me. However, midway through our relationship I was exposed to my nieces and nephew, and a close cousin who had a child and my mind began to change.

Another issue is that he's an extrovert and I'm an introvert. He said he didn't want to make me uncomfortable by having lots of dinner parties and such. Of course, I am fine with this! I love being around people, I just also need some time alone. I didn't bother trying to explain myself, though because when he's saying he wants to break up, my explanations would be taken as empty words just to try and make him stop breaking up with me.

Well so school is starting back up and we've got the same major; we'll be seeing each other every single day. And yes, I want to get back together with him because I know now that my future with him would be such a beautiful one. I'm saying this in a purely rational way; I'm not desperate or anything. I've been over the break up but I do want another chance.

So how do I go about getting him "back", so to say? I actually came across him today twice in stores, (he was with friends) and we said a brief hi and said we were both doing good, and I was in a hurry so went on my way. Then at the NEXT store, I saw him and his buds (who are also my pals) and we cracked a joke, you know, the "Hey, you must be following us or something." and I said "Baha, yeah, except I was here first, soooo." Just lighthearted stuff and then I went on my way.

So none of us are bitter toward each other, but what can I do to try and make him warmed up to giving me another try (or realizing his judgements toward me were a little untrue)?

Seriously, any help would be really appreciated. I never thought I would even get married when I was young, and I didn't even want to date when I started dating--I know a connection like this's hard to come by, I'm not going to let a potential happy life slip away like this (not to say I won't be happy without him, I know I will! I just would like to be happy in THIS life.)

[nov13]

I don't know all the details of your relationship, but from the info you've provided here is my oppinion:
There is a chance that you'll get back together. But would you want to be with someone who leaves you at the drop of a hat? And who doesn't accept you for who you are?

[PlumPudding]

I don't know all the details of your relationship, but from the info you've provided here is my oppinion:
There is a chance that you'll get back together. But would you want to be with someone who leaves you at the drop of a hat? And who doesn't accept you for who you are?

I guess it's because I kind of pushed him away without knowing it as well. Yeah, sure it was a jerk move on his part, but I feel . . . now this part is REALLY selfish, but I don't think I'll find anyone else that I like so well. I've never dated before this (we started dating when I was 19) not because no one asked me, but because I never found anyone I liked. I don't know what it is.

And I just want to see if it will work out with a second chance, because we had something so special. It's just how I get him to also think of a second chance is what I don't know how to do . . .

[cmacattack1]

If you aren't desperate like you say you are, if you don't need him in your life, then why are you asking us if there is a possibility for a second chance? Why do you want to be back with him so badly, especially if you don't know who he has become? Because you are in love with what you knew about him before? In a purely, rational sense, if anything, at most you would want to just date him again to see if the new him and the new you would hit it off again. Not just want to jump back into a relationship. Let's take baby steps here.

So he dumped you. He didn't want to continue a relationship with you. Long distance was part of the problem, but his behavior went to barely acknowledging you. He wasn't communicating, which is necessary in relationships. You don't have that, things break down, you break up, like you did. If you are committed to something, you shouldn't be letting two months get in-between your relationship. But no matter the reasons, the bottom line will always remain "he dumped you."

So how does chasing him down and putting it on the line again, going to really change his mind? Are you hoping to pull at some kind of emotional heartstrings so that he lets you back in again? You can't change how he feels, you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He would be trying. Take the fact that he hasn't as indication that he doesn't want to be with you.

Your goal shouldn't be how to get him back. It should be focusing on yourself and what changes you can do to make you a better person, girlfriend, daughter, sister, etc. The two of you broke up, and if even one of you was the same person as before and you were together now, logically you guys would break up again. You both have to grow from your experience to move forward, and even if you do, there is no guarantee that he has come a long way and can meet you. The only control you have is over yourself and what direction you go in. Focus on that and everything will be okay, no matter who you end up with.