wifes friend

[qwerty78]

I am working overseas for a year and just now at my half way mark. My wife has a guy friend who is over all the time. I think it is wrong but she doesn't think so. I think that a married woman shopld not be spending time with a single guy if her husband is not there. Am I being old school about it and need to catch up to the present times? I don't think so. I don't like it and I went off on the guy last night on the phone. I don't trust guys because I think all they want is to get into the pants. I think it shows zero respect for a guy to go and hang out with a married woman while the husband is away. I trust my wife and I know she wouldn't cheat on me but spending time with another dude doesn't make me feel better either. I am to the point to where I am ready to open my own account and lay down some laws. I don't think that will go over too well though. Advice?

[sookie6]

That guy if he has an agenda is taking his chance as he sees a big opening here...the situation has probably awaken his male competitive strike and he's now determined to winer her attention over yours...

But I think the worst lack of respect is from your wife...what a lack of loyalty to be spending so much time with a guy you don't like while you're not around...come on it's not like you re having fun on your side...your wife needs male attention and he is providing this...

It's difficult to be a soldier's wife or the wife of someone who has to travel away...and some women can't handle it...are you gonna change career to save your marriage, I don't think so...

If you have not children this is a time to lay down some rules and see if she can respect them...you can't go on worrying like this about your wife"s doings...life is already tough away from home without adding this type of burden...

[calvins123]

Hello all,
Sounds like your right the best thing is to avoid such people as much as possible.

[doppelgaenger]

Your wife does not seem respectful of or loyal to you. If this is seriously bothering you - if she is really having this guy over all the time, you certainly do have a right to be concerned, although there is nothing wrong with her having male friends who visit her while you're out.

[VincenzoG91]

Either you trust her or you don't.

If you trust her, this is annoying, and worth further discussion with her about appropriate behavior. Even if there is nothing going on between them and this other guy doesn't have any agenda, it still looks bad and may cause the neighbors to speculate.

If you don't trust her, I think you should divorce her. You can't stop the cheating from happening, the most you can do is cause her to become more sneaky about it. That would be true even if you were back home again.

So dig deep and try to figure out your feelings about her. Can you trust her?

[sookie6]

although there is nothing wrong with her having male friends who visit her while you're out.

I think this is not right when you're married..am I uptight?

[doppelgaenger]

I think this is not right when you're married..am I uptight?

Yeah you're a bit uptight. One of my friends served for a year in Kuwait while his wife waited behind. She hung out with all of us guys while he was gone and she was faithful. However, if there is one guy who is over all the time then something other than good ol' friendship might be going on.

[sookie6]

Yeah you're a bit uptight. One of my friends served for a year in Kuwait while his wife waited behind. She hung out with all of us guys while he was gone and she was faithful. However, if there is one guy who is over all the time then something other than good ol' friendship might be going on.

I just think once you're married you need to be more responsible with your social circle...I would just keep away from temptation as loneliness can easily lead people to
do silly things.

Why create opportunities to be tempted when a nice bunch of girlfriends is as nice and even more pleasant than men you have fewer things in common with for a start.

But I think we've had threads before about this particular issue (male/female friendship when you're in a relationship)...

My view is pretty strict on the issue as I know I would not accept my partner to spend time with another woman on a one to one basis.

[doppelgaenger]

What's wrong with having friends of the opposite sex? If one is really so easily tempted into ****ing his or her friends, then he or she probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
I can't stand it when somebody tells me who I can and cannot be friends with. My previous relationship suffered tremendously because my ex could not accept the fact that I am a decent, honest guy who is faithful and just because I have a few female friends does not mean I'm pimpin' it up. Half of my friends are women, anyway.

[qwerty78]

I trust her. I just don't think it is right that it is one guy.... no other friends. How hard is it to try and make female friends?

[VincenzoG91]

What's wrong with having friends of the opposite sex? If one is really so easily tempted into ****ing his or her friends, then he or she probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
I can't stand it when somebody tells me who I can and cannot be friends with. My previous relationship suffered tremendously because my ex could not accept the fact that I am a decent, honest guy who is faithful and just because I have a few female friends does not mean I'm pimpin' it up. Half of my friends are women, anyway.

This situation is different. The wife has one specific male friend that she is spending a lot of time with, and apparently no other close friends. That looks suspicious.

[doppelgaenger]

This situation is different. The wife has one specific male friend that she is spending a lot of time with, and apparently no other close friends. That looks suspicious.

I agree, and I would be just as suspicious in his shoes. I think the best thing to do is sit her down and have a discussion about all this. Yelling at the guy on the phone isn't going to do much, though you might scare him away. But if it's your wife's infidelity that's inviting this guy over, it won't end with this guy - she'll continue with the next guy if you threaten this guy. Of course, that's assuming the worst, and it could be that she just has this one friend over to keep her company. You need to evaluate your wife's integrity and loyalty. If she really loves you and is faithful to you, she'd care about your feelings on this matter.

[qwerty78]

Me going on off on the guy didn't help. I just think it is disrespectful. But he wont stop coming over unless she tells him to. I will be home in a week for vacation. So i guess we will see how it is when I get home. thanks all.

[sookie6]

Please just check thread 'Advice on an affair'...kinda relevant and I wish the OP could have his wife read it just as 'food for thoughts'

[IndiReloaded]

I am working overseas for a year and just now at my half way mark. My wife has a guy friend who is over all the time.

I think it shows zero respect for a guy to go and hang out with a married woman while the husband is away.

^This.

Unless your wife happens to have a terminal illness and this guy is an old family friend that you've asked to come over and help out?

No? Then you know he's sniffing after your wife. Take a flight back on a long weekend and surprise her. Tell him in person to piss off.