what do you think he is thinking?

[reeners]

So I know you can't read this guy's mind since you've never met him, but I was wondering if there was anyway you could tell what he's thinking by his past actions and behavior.

If you wanna get the full story, I posted a epic long version a month or two ago. But I'll sum up the important parts.

So me and this guy Frank met my freshman year of college. He was a sophomore at the time. Now I am a junior and he is a senior. When we first met we had a lot of chemistry and really liked each other. The only problem was that I had a long distance boyfriend at the time, Kirk, who I met online. Frank told me how he felt but I said we shouldn't do anything since I didn't wanna break up with my bf at the time. We stayed friends.

Over time, I realized the Kirk was a jerk and tried breaking up with him several times. He was very controlling and manipulative and always somehow found a way to convince me not to break up with him. During the summer after freshman year, Kirk and I got into an argument and decided that we'd try an "open" relationship, where we'd still technically be together but allowed to date other people. On facebook we would pt our facebook statuses as "single". Frank saw that I was single and when school started up again we kind of flirted, tho it was hard because Kirk and I were still in a relationship.

A few months later Kirk and I decided to publicly be in a relationship on facebook once again. Frank, who was not aware that I was "back together" with Kirk again, sent me a strange text message that said this: "I know youre interested in me but i cant date you im sry. I'll be happy to snuggle w you but i cant get involved in a relationship im sry" and then texted this right after: "I really would love to kiss you though >_<"

I sent him an email asking him why he would say that, and it seemed like he was reevaluating some of his relationships with people in his life, or that he just didn't want to be with anyone, I don't know. What do you think his texts meant at that time? In his emails he also said this: "I guess I was saying that I was attracted to you on a surface, physical level but I couldnt commit to a relationship for reasons of self-preservation." He also said things about how it was hard to be my friend because I'm so shy and "hard to talk to" (this is something that I've been working on). What is "self-preservation" supposed to mean anyway??

It was easier for us to talk when we first met, I don't really know what changed, but then it became harder to talk to him and I got even shyer. Anyway, after a few months of being too scared to talk to him because of him directly criticizing my personality, we eventually started talking again, tho it was easier to do on IM. He never invited me to hang out with him, I would always have to go to his dorm room and see if he was busy. I didn't do this too often though because I was afraid that I'd interrupt him while he was busy.

Fast forward to now. The school year is about to start and I have finally broken up with Kirk. Kirk and I are still trying to be friends to see if that works out, but more importantly I want to strengthen the relationships of the people who are around me here at school (including Frank). I'm trying really hard to be less shy and more open, and I think I'm slowly improving.

But I'm not really sure how to approach Frank at this point. Part of me just wants to try being just friends with him for now and try to enjoy being single. Another part of me is still attracted to him in some way, and would like to see if there's any possibility of dating him.

Since he said in the past that he didn't want to date me or be in a relationship with me, I'm not sure how he feels about that now. At the very least I want to be friends with him since he's a great guy and we have things in common and he's fun to hang out with.

So what do you guys think of this whole situation? I want to know what he's thinking (and how he feels about me) but I really think it would be awkward to bring it up directly with him and would further ruin my chances of a friendship with him. Any ideas?

[Malpal423]

Hmm...you definitely need to dump 'Kirk the Jerk'. Haha. I think that's already over, hence the multiple breakups. I really think you should enjoy being single, and enjoy your junior year in college. It'll only happen once! Hopefully...lol. I'm not sure what Frank's deal is. Honestly, I think it may sound like he was just wanting to hit it and quit it...or maybe friends w/ benefits. I run into this type of guy over and over, so I think I can spot it pretty well! Someone once told me, "If a guy says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, believe him." Don't put yourself in the position to be hurt when you find out he was actually telling the truth when he said that. I'm not saying there's no chance, either. I would try the single life out for a while, and keep your options open. If things progress with Frank, great. If not, there's another guy out there for you! And, just maybe his name won't end in a 'k'. Might wanna stay away from that one for a while...K-enders are never a good idea. Haha. Well, good luck!

[sookie6]

I think no he does not want a relationship with you. He feels attracted to you and he could have fallen for you but you chose K over him. And he was pretty much beaten by your decision..

Yes men enjoy competition but once you went back with K he felt that he lost and believe me men hate losing this way to another man.

So Self preservation it is and he has stated it in his text. And alghough he did not show it you probably disapointed him.

But no biggie...sometimes we win sometimes we lose...it seems this time you've made the wrong choice with that toxic Kirk.

[reeners]

I'm not with Kirk the Jerk anymore tho! And Frank doesn't seem interested in me at all anymore. I hung out with him a few times and it was weird and made me sad. It'd be cool to be friends with him but since I used to want to be with him now I just feel regret all the time. How would I get over this?

I still don't understand what he meant by self preservation? Does that mean he wants to protect himself in case i get back with Kirk AGAIN (never gonna happen, trust me). Ughhhh in my head I'm okay with just us being friends but then I wish we could be friends before he decided he liked me... things were the best before that.

[Nimrod44]

I think "self preservation" means he doesn't want to get hurt. Since you kept going back to Kirk this sent a message to Frank .. watch out buddy, she'll dump you. The previous text messages sounded like he really did like you, maybe still does. If you felt awkward with one another recently it supports the theory that he likes you even more.

For now just enjoy College life. Stay away from Kirk and forget about a friendship with him. He is not good for you and certainly not good if you want another relationship. Don't even talk about him with other guys. That very likely will make other guys run for the hills.