With a 15 year age gap, can he really be my life partner?

[moonlightcaster]

He has told me many times that he wants to marry me, we have been together for 2 years and something inside me is saying go for it because we are so good together, but another part inside me says I'm too young and I have dreams of falling in love with a partner my own age.

I've tried breaking up with him in the past due to this, but afterwards I was so unhappy as I felt empty and cold, and missed him terribly.

I'm not always 100% attracted to him physically, but emotionally we are very close and loving so I usually see past that, before now we've had a mind blowing experience where it felt as if our bodies and soul were combining.

However, there have been a few issues regarding trust in the past (he's had such a big past related with girls and I've had like, 0 experience), but it could still be possible that they can be blown over.

He is an amazing person to me and he would be perfect man apart from our age gap and possibly some physical attributes (exactly the same as what I was thinking in the first month of knowing him).

Edit: I'm 22

[fi123]

I think if a relationship feels right it feels right, whatever the age gap.

[sookie6]

He has told me many times that he wants to marry me, we have been together for 2 years and something inside me is saying go for it because we are so good together, but another part inside me says I'm too young and I have dreams of falling in love with a partner my own age.

I've tried breaking up with him in the past due to this, but afterwards I was so unhappy as I felt empty and cold, and missed him terribly.

I'm not always 100% attracted to him physically, but emotionally we are very close and loving so I usually see past that, before now we've had a mind blowing experience where it felt as if our bodies and soul were combining.

However, there have been a few issues regarding trust in the past (he's had such a big past related with girls and I've had like, 0 experience), but it could still be possible that they can be blown over.


He is an amazing person to me and he would be perfect man apart from our age gap and possibly some physical attributes.

I think you should not question the relationship for now just see how things develop BUT DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN OR GET MARRIED FOR A WHILE.

You have doubts, it's a normal thing and he seems to have the best end of the deal, having played the field and wanting finally to settle with a younger woman with no previous experience.

[vashti]

Over time, the little things that bother you now will become gigantic. Don't discount them. The things you view as imperfect will become intolerable over time.

Also, you don't mention how old you are, but if you are still in your 20s, you can look forward to outgrowing him emotionally within another 10 years, because you will rise in strength and character, and your personality is still under development, while he is probably pretty much peaked out.

[fi123]

I know of two marriages where one of the spouses wasn''t completely physically attracted to the other from the beginning. They both split up in the end, one after 15 years and two children, one after 25 years with two children, although that person said they would have left 10 years earlier if it were not for the children. Both marriages parted as best friends with each other, it was just the physical attraction they cited as being the reason for both of them, that it was never completely right from the beginning and they shouldn't have really married in the first place. There wasn't an age gap in either of those relationships.

[VincenzoG91]

I'm 15 years older than my girlfriend, and we've been together for 7 years now. We're closer now than we were the first couple of years, but there has always been a strong mutual physical attraction. I never tried to mislead her about my age, but I look so young and healthy that it was easy for her to ignore at first. Then she went through a phase where the age difference bothered her. She turns 30 soon, so now the age difference doesn't matter to her much anymore. It helps that I'm a fitness freak. I joined a gym 19 years ago and work out hard at least three times a week, so except for some gray in my hair and a couple of lines on my face, I could easily pass for late 20s. I'm 6'1", 190 pounds, with a 34" waist.

I guess the age difference has been somewhat problematic for me as well. As an on-again/off-again college student, she still has two semesters to go, just to get her bachelors degree. And she will graduate with $50K in student loan debt, so it's going to be a while before she's able to contribute towards our household expenses. I've spent more money than I like to think about helping her out over the years, with car trouble, bills, etc. Actually, the more serious issue has been the significant baggage that she has been carrying around from things that happened to her when she was a teenager. I've been supportive, but it will be nice when she can finally afford to talk to a professional.

We met through an online dating site that said we were 95% compatible. We do share the same values, and there is a lot of overlap in our taste in music. She's gotten me interested in anime and manga, and I've gotten her interested in comics. We've been building a life together and growing closer, so our future looks good.

[LuvGuru]

Seems like your partner has had the time to enjoy himself with other relationships and life experiences and you havent. Its good that things are going good for you both and that may continue. Being that you are younger and less experienced I also think that the little things that are of a concern may play a bigger part as time goes on. I know that my thinking about relationships has totlally changed as ive aged.

[moonlightcaster]

I like this reply, as it is so similar to my situation (apart from the strong physical attraction).

[Gigabitch]

I don't think the age difference is as big a problem as the other stuff you mention. Do you really have a trust issue with him or are you just insecure about his past?

I think the physical attraction thing could become a huge problem. You're headed toward your sexual peak while his was over long before he met you. By the time you're 35, you'll be rubbing up against the furniture and eyeing the bag boy at the grocery store and he'll be more interested in a foot rub most of the time.

[VincenzoG91]

Mileage may vary. There was an article in the local news recently about a prostitution bust of 8 or 9 customers. One of them was a 72 year-old man.

[Gigabitch]

Mileage may vary. There was an article in the local news recently about a prostitution bust of 8 or 9 customers. One of them was a 72 year-old man.

Do you want it as much as a 35-year-old woman does? Them bitches is randy. It's a good think you're a healthy specimen, Vince. That woman of yours is going to hump you ragged, I promise.

[moonlightcaster]

Do you really have a trust issue with him or are you just insecure about his past?

I think the physical attraction thing could become a huge problem. You're headed toward your sexual peak while his was over long before he met you. By the time you're 35, you'll be rubbing up against the furniture and eyeing the bag boy at the grocery store and he'll be more interested in a foot rub most of the time.

I suppose I'm just insecure about his past, but it feels like a big deal at the moment because he's been in love with previous girlfriends, whereas I haven't ever experienced that - to me it's like the unknown and I'm curious, but jealous. Do you think this could pass?

So when is the 'sexual peak'? I'm 22

[VincenzoG91]

I suppose I'm just insecure about his past, but it feels like a big deal at the moment because he's been in love with previous girlfriends, whereas I haven't ever experienced that - to me it's like the unknown and I'm curious, but jealous. Do you think this could pass?

So when is the 'sexual peak'? I'm 22

The conventional wisdom is that men hit their sexual peak around age 18, while women hit their sexual peak around age 30, at least in terms of enthusiasm.

[Gigabitch]

The conventional wisdom is that men hit their sexual peak around age 18, while women hit their sexual peak around age 30, at least in terms of enthusiasm.

Mine came later. Late 30's. Still going, actually.

[lahnnabell]

I think vashti put it beautifully.