Found pics of my bf's ex-girlfriend

[Ladyrider21]

Ok, please tell me if I'm wrong about this:

So, my bf and I have been together about 6 years. We split this time last year for about 3 months and during that time he dated this chick, Misty. Well we got back together and like the first week we got back together, I found out he was still talking to her. Well that ended and I really believe that he hasn't talked to her since. Well this morning I was in the spare bedroom getting my hunting stuff together and on top of his hunting bag was a card. So I opened it up and it was a birthday card she gave him for his bday while they were together. And in it was like 5 or 6 pictures of her and little notes that had I love you all over it. So I confronted him about it since I didnt see this card a few days ago in there. I asked him if had been looking at them and why they were in there. Well then he goes off on me! He wants to ask me what I was doing in there and how I found it! Like I was really looking for it! Uh, no! So when I ask him to get rid of them, he gets even madder! He starts saying that he will not get rid of them and won't give me a reason! I dated a guy while we were split and I know there would be no way in hell that he'd let me keep pictures of that guy nor would I want to! So anway, he's going off on me and I'm just getting madder because he refuses to get rid of them and then he starts telling me that we're done and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Everything was absolutely fine before this happened! So I get ahold of the card and pics and I tear them up. So, now he's through with me and we're done all because I found this pictures! This doesn't make any sense to me. Because I found somethnig of him, he wants to get mad at me and end things. Maybe I shouldn't have ripped the pics up but I'll be dammed if he's going to sit there and tell me he's not throwing them away and some more stuff. I mean, this girl is back with her ex and is like 6 months pregnant so it's not like I think he wants to get back with her. And he is a pretty jealous guy and he knows that he wouldn't like it if I kept pics of a guy I dated. Why is he acting like this? I'm pretty pissed about this, because it's not the first time that I've had to deal with similar stuff like this. Should I just take it for what it is and leave like he told me to? I really don't know what to do. Please give me some advice...

[girl68]

I think you went about this all wrong.

I think you went in with an accusing face, tone and questions. I think you should have calmly said you wanted to ask him about something and to explain himself instead of asking the questions you asked.

He aslo didn't need to be so defensive but perhaps was because of the way you approached him.

Then you should have explained where you're coming from a card from a such recent ex made you feel like he needed to keep it around because he was attached to it somehow blah blah blah but instead it was more like a demand to rid of something seemingly so digusting.

And way to rip it up- sorry but that just shows a big target on your head as "crazy lady". Don't know what to tell you. You handled it all wrong (and yes, he over reacted).

[Ladyrider21]

Oh I started off pretty calm about. I just wanted to know why they just popped up when they hadn't been there the day before. It's when he started yelling at me about why I was looking at it and how I found it when things got escalated. When he's telling me to get out of my own house and acting so defensive, yea I wanted him to get rid of it. I do admit that ripping up the pic probably wasn't the thing to do but after you deal with the same kind of things for so long, it gets so emotionally and physically draining. It's every other day that I find him texting a girl or talking to one online. In all the years we've been together I have never cheated on him nor has he ever found me talkig to another guy. I just lost it this morning.

[girl68]

OK you left out some significant info as in he's basically being all sly with other girls on the DL. Why are you so ripped out about it, he's clearly a guy who doesn't want this comittment. Wish him good riddens and never look back.

[Lovable]

I agree with Girl68, kick him to the curb. If he's talking/texting other girls then he's got something to hide & he's not worth your time.

[Charisma]

In my opinion it matters very little about the ripping up of the cards/photos. It doesn't even matter that you might be considered the *crazy ex*.

The fact is you could have acted far worse about it, been far sneakier, but you went up, you asked him about it, and he went mad on you. He could have explained himself, but he didn't. And he said a lot of things I think was out of order- i.e. telling you to get out your own house. So screw him.

And who really leaves pics of an ex who is now pregnant around the house of his gf??? Only a frigging edjit.

Don't consider it your fault. You actually worked at the relationship, you respected his feelings, and he totally disregarded yours in the most spectacular fashion. Thank god it was only a bunch of photos you tore up. If it was me I'd be throwing bulky furniture at him for the things he said.

[Lite]

I'm going to disagree with the ladies here for once...

Rule #1) You don't destroy another person's property.
Rule #2) Why would he destroy the pictures?

There are a few things that men don't do. They don't change wallets unless they have to, they never really clean out their wallet until they change wallets, and a lot of them don't throw away things like birthday cards. You can accuse him of being jealous, or having a double standard, but you haven't actually proved that he would insist you destroy pictures of old boyfriends etc. Now, unless he doesn't like the girl, as in actively doesn't like her, why would he ever destroy anything she gave him? It makes no sense to destroy something from someone if you don't dislike them.

For all you know the card was out because he ran across it while looking for something else, and he decided to re-read it and just left it sitting there.

Instead you were confrontational, demanded that he destroy it, and then destroyed it yourself. I'd kick your ass to the curb too if I were in his shoes.