Help: Letter to the Girl I've fallen for, but hurt me.

[deepthinking]

So last night I went to a kickback at a friends house with some friends, and this girl that I've had a thing for was there. I had told her a couple days ago how I felt, and we hugged, but I made the mistake of not kissing her right then and there.. She had said she was happy I told her, but didn't exactly say she liked me back.. although when I'm with her we flirt, and we never run out of things to talk about. Anyway, back to the night, I was kind of not paying too much attention to her, since I didn't want to seem clingy, and I wasn't sure how she felt, and we were really good friends and I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss her and ruin it. As we were drinking and the night progressed, she ended up making out with some guy and going into the bathroom and I think had sex with him. I'm not sure because I left as soon as I saw them go in the bathroom.. I never saw her as that type of girl, she has always been extremely kind, and sweet. I feel extremely hurt, and can't get her off my mind.. I had never felt like I did for a girl before like I did for her. I regret not making a move, and I feel extremely down, so I thought I would send her a message on facebook telling her how I felt.. here is what I wrote:

Hey,
So I've been trying all day not to care, but deep down I know I really do. What hurts more isn't that you went and had sex with some guy last night knowing I was there and how I felt, but knowing that I will always live with the regret that I didn't try my hardest to get close to you.. I had never felt about someone the way I felt about you, and that scared me. I felt fear of rejection, and I felt I wasn't good enough for you, I felt I didn't deserve you.. but now I will live knowing I never tried to get closer.. I never tried to kiss you, and now I'll never get the chance to know what could of been.. and for that, I'm sorry (her name). I'm sorry I didn't shake my fears and try, and I'm sorry for telling you all of this, but I had to get it off my chest. Just know that I truly did feel something extraordinary for you, something that I myself could not explain, and I'm sorry I could only express it through petty words, instead of actions.. Hope you don't take this the wrong way, and I hope you understand that it's going to take some time for me to be able to move past this.

Sorry about all the writing, but I need some advice, should I send the message? I know I need to move on, because I could never forgive her for what she did, no matter how I use to feel, but maybe in the future I could, and I feel maybe this message could make her understand how I truly felt about her.. any opinion is appreciated, thanks.

- Anonymous.

[Progressus]

I had told her a couple days ago how I felt, and we hugged, but I made the mistake of not kissing her right then and there.. She had said she was happy I told her, but didn't exactly say she liked me back..

Big no-no! I haven't been around on this forum for long, but I can't even begin to count how many times I've given this same advice: Get in her pants first, THEN talk about feelings! This may sound harsh, but that's just the way it is. Don't you think this behavior lessens any sort of attraction she felt for you? Think about it for a second.

although when I'm with her we flirt, and we never run out of things to talk about.

Talk about rose-colored glasses. Again, don't want to sound harsh, but TALKING alone isn't gonna seal the deal. The good thing is, you know that you made a mistake by not going for it. So there's room to improve.

Anyway, back to the night, I was kind of not paying too much attention to her, since I didn't want to seem clingy, and I wasn't sure how she felt, and we were really good friends and I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss her and ruin it. As we were drinking and the night progressed, she ended up making out with some guy and going into the bathroom and I think had sex with him. I'm not sure because I left as soon as I saw them go in the bathroom.. I never saw her as that type of girl, she has always been extremely kind, and sweet. I feel extremely hurt, and can't get her off my mind.. I had never felt like I did for a girl before like I did for her. I regret not making a move, and I feel extremely down, so I thought I would send her a message on facebook telling her how I felt.. here is what I wrote:

See, that's a good point to start: You regret what you did, and next time you're going to do better.

However, if you really want to send her this message, do it solely to get it off your chest! Don't do it if you perceive this letter as some sort of last chance. Because the disappointment will only get bigger if she doesn't respond. Be aware of that!

Listen, I'm a big talker myself. I can talk circles around girls, and almost all of them seem to love it. But in most cases, that just doesn't cut it. As soon as she's seeing you as the typical nice guy, you'll have a hard time getting out of this corner.

How about NOT sending the message you wrote down, but instead just texting her something like "Hey Ms. Bathroom Sex, how was your weekend?" - Of course not IN THIS EXACT FASHION, but I guess you get the point. Be playful, don't show her that she "hurt" you. By the way, I understand that you feel bad, I really do, but using the word "hurt" is a bit too much in this particular situation. I mean... you're not dating or anything... when you come up now stating that she hurt you, you'll be perceived as a little wimp that's projecting his own shortcomings on her-- which, in turn, won't really rise the attraction level.

Well, just my opinion. Wait for others to give you a piece of advice.

[deepthinking]

Thanks man, you're right, I have learned a lot from this experience.. but for some reason I'm confused whether I should move on or not because of how much I like her.. well right now I don't really know what I feel anymore, I never expected her to be that kind of girl, and also I think it's too late for the playful text "Hey Ms. Bathroom text, how was your weekend" because she knows she hurt me. I left the party while she was in the bathroom, and I haven't said a word to her since.

Any more advice or other opinions? I'm thinking of just giving it some time.. another thing is I'll probably be seeing her often since she lives with one of my best homegirls, and me that girl kick it alot at her house. That's how me and her first met, through my homegirl. Which was in turn the reason I had always held back in trying to get in her pants since I didn't want things to get weird, but my feelings would grow for her everyday I spent with her. Now I don't know what to do.

[deepthinking]

Bumps .

[asagod88]

the best advice I have ever been given in a situation like this is "don't send the letter". Don't do it man!! Abort. I've been down this road before myself and it wont have the intended effect. Obviously it sounds like you care about her deeply, but if she is the kind of girl who sleeps with guys in bathrooms, is this dating material? Sure a hookup or friends with bennies might be cool, but I'd seriously reconsider if this someone you would want to date.