Completely changing my life, advice would be helpful

[Rennaisance]

I am a 20 year old guy and never had a gf before and never even dated before. I have come to a conclusion that my physical appearance and quietness are the main reasons. The only place I could really meet people is at school and I have a hard time talking to people. I do try and get involved with class discussions but besides that no one really tries to talk to me and when I try to talk to people it ends up going nowhere. I do go to a lot of parties but the only girls who dance with me are the female friends I go with all the other girls for the most part they refuse to dance with me. Most of my guy friends don't get rejected so I am assuming that my physical appearance must not be too appealing.

I have decided to turn things around. I am very skinny so for the past 2 weeks I have been going to the gym a lot and changed up my diet. I am really enjoying this and have high motivation. I am no longer going to go out on weekend nights because it messes up my sleeping hours and I no longer have fun at parties due to never getting a chance to dance.

So my questions are, what I can do to make more friends at school without having to join clubs or anything like that? Also where can I go besides school where I can meet new people?

[Raven_Skye]

Doing something about your physical appearance helps. But you know, the thing that matters most, is state of mind. I too was very shy and socially awkward in the past. I thought myself ugly, and therefore never thought anyone was interested. I never spoke up, thought I had nothing interesting to say, and collapsed into myself when someone did speak to me. years later, I found it was this that mattered, not the way I looked. I looked okay, even good then, I know now. But the work you're doing on your physique helps your confidence, and that's good. Don't worry too much about how and where to meet people, and it will happen. It did for me.

[Incognito]

^^^I couldn't have said it better myself. Looking good won't matter unless you feel good about yourself, and women pick up on that. That is why you sometimes see a guy that doesn't look nearly as good as you do with a hot woman. Keep exercising, look for helpful hints regarding diet, and make sure that your diet/workout schedule is REGULAR. Think of it as a lifestyle change instead of a means to an end. Make it part of your regular schedule, just like eating and sleeping, and it won't feel like you're doing something "extra". After a while you'll see vast improvements and you'll feel a good as you look.

A good workout routine that gives you a good workout, but doesn't strain you, is great. Some people believe in killing themselves at the gym, but this takes a mental toll on most people. After a short while they don't want to work out anymore. Some of the best workout advice I ever got was to train hard by pyramiding, but that I should feel refreshed afterwards. He said that if I felt sore then I overdid it. I took his advice and I look worlds better than I used to, plus I actually want to work out.

[Incognito]

I'll also say that meeting people will happen more readily when you aren't actively trying to look for friends or women. Figure out what you like to do and do it regularly. Working out, movies, driving, photography, whatever. You could go a step further by going to conventions for the things that you like. There you will more easily meet people that share your interests because you'll already have at least one thing in common.

[sparkle_jello]

I really think internet dating is a good idea for many shy people. People really don't go out as much as they used to I think, and who wants to meet someone at a bar? I don't at least.

[Sonrisa]

how about lowering your standards and going for relatively attractive girls?

[hellcat84]

Dude I wrote you a big ass message but it logged me off and didn't send it. so

you don't have confidence, you don't get confidence by "just being confident" you get it through practice, experience and successes small in the beginning and bigger as you go.

the confidence will come in the area you work for it, going to the gym is a good idea man it'll make you more confident in you body and appearance but that wont necessarily translate to girls. Sleeping with 10 women will give you some confidence with girls. Put bluntly if you told me to go into a bar/bookstore and pick up a girl Id be fairly confident why? because I've done it allot before. I could probably take you into a bar and help you get a girl too but if you asked me to land a plane my confidence wouldn't be too shit hot lol.

1. find an asshole. Some guy you can befriend and go to the bar with. A guy thats not all to good looking and not necessarily nice to girls but manages to sleep around allot.
2.get him to wing for you and then go after girls you have a chance of picking up for you that means girls 2 to 3 years younger then you, shorter then you and likely not as attractive as you
3. build your confidence on them and then go after more attractive girls.

I was just like you man and I know how it feels it sux. girls all cry about how they got it the worst, how guys use them but then they go out and get the same kind of guy to do it all over again. On top of that every time they launch into a speech about how theres no good guys or no nice guys, they totally fail to mention their good old "guy buddie" or "school chum" whatever. You know the one that listens to all this BS, the one thats is always nice to them, the one that drives across the country to pick them up at 3AM because some "totally sexy guy she met at the bar but turned out to be a rude asshole" (Go Figger!!!) That used her for sex in the bar parking lot (OMG YOUR KIDDING!!!) and then left her at a gas station with the bill for $40 worth of fuel "And and and an" now she's broke and "I... I .. I don't have a ride HOOoooome" and she's crying blah blah blah (Breaks my Heart Really) "Oh Timmy your such a good friend, I new you'd come and get me!! Im Im Im so lucky to have such a SWELL old chum like you"

YEAH Thats sounds about right lol.

Well Timmy is absolutely head over heals for her and she "just wants to be friends"
Actually this is totally wonderful because timmy goes home every night alone and masturbates by himself and figures "one day she'll come around" if he just hangs in their and keeps being a "Super Swell BuddyeO!".
Well he's kind of right, one day she tells him to come on a blind date with her, her boyfriend (Total Ass clown) and this girl that is "SO TOTALLY RIGHT for you Timmy!!!, I told her all about you and she cant wait to meet you her name is JANE!!, she's got such a great personality!!!!"

Jane really does have a great personality, not to mention that at 5'3" tall she also tips the scales at 275 lbs and has this really SPECIAL EYE that somehow always seems to point 56 degrees of angle in a completely different F#&KIN direction then the other which is firmly and lustfully locked onto good old Timmey BOY!!!!

Moral of the story -It took me a year or two of practice but I decided jane wasn't my kinna girl (it really was a tough decision, I mean she can fit 5 chicken wings in her mouth and see around corners, it's hard to turn down a girl like that) and my Swell school chum well it'd be nice if she found find a flight of stairs to fall down but on the bright side having free gas in the tank ain't all that bad.

[Applesauce]

hellcat84 says:

"Dude I wrote you a big ass message but it logged me off and didn't send it."

just open a new tab, go to any page on LF, and log back in. Then re-click "sumbit"

[JYH]

wow dude you sound just like me. if you have any spare time this book amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself/dp/0671708821/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288837479&sr=8-1 I was skeptical but it really helped me a lot if you want to check it out, theres a pdf on google i think.

[hellcat84]

If you liked that one you should read Psyco-cybernetics man I've always had a copy with me to read and I keep the audiobook on my ipod, listen to it at work. It was a best seller and one of the original self help books and really hasn't changed much over the years. It's about self image really is an amazing book and not hard to find cheep at book stores or free in just about any library. Thats great advice from JYH, Rennaisance If I was you Id look into these books especially Psycho-cybernetics specifically because of the way you say you don't think your attractive (the book was originally written by a plastic surgeon on why surgury for some people didnt change their inner self image) I know for me It has been one of the books that changed my life.

[Incognito]

"Dude I wrote you a big ass message but it logged me off and didn't send it."

This happened to me a lot when I first joined LF. All you have to do is check the 'remember me' box when you log in. It will never happen again.

[Liam_680]

You can try to be a little more friendly and outspoken to your classmates - but since you have mentioned that you are quiet, you can make it easier for you to open up to new people by participating in more socializing activities so it is advisable that you participate if not in your school's event and committees is to go out a little more, not necessarily on clubs but sports, event communities, where you can meet people of the same interest and make it easier for you to open up thus making you more at ease in socializing in the long run