I Have Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds! Or At Least Just My Ex's Relationship

[ChristianonLI]

I'm done with her, guys. It's over. I had my last word. Hoax or not, I don't care anymore. They deserve each other and I don't feel anything for her anymore. Not even the urge to get revenge. I got all the answers I needed and I have finally seen her for the horrible human being that she's always been. All I wanted from her was at the very least an apology and she refused to even give me that. So she can go live her miserable life with her douchebag boyfriend who I know won't ever treat her with the love and respect I always did. She showed me she left me and believes the paralegal to be better because he makes more money than me. That's what it comes down to. Love never mattered to her. Respect and affection never mattered to her. Just money. So I wash my hands of her. If they break up, great. If they don't, great. Either way she'll never forget me and she'll always harbor within herself regret for having done what she did to me.

[cmacattack1]

Why are we still talking about her then?

[ChristianonLI]

LOL idk anymore. I just came here to post my victory as the final say in the matter. You guys won't be hearing from me about this horrible woman anymore. If I do post again it'll be about the woman I just recently started talking to who is way cooler than Jenn ever was.

Edit: I feel the need to come back and explain a few final things. Some of you think I'm crazy and that's understandable. Considering the maniacal ravings that have left my fingers and made their way onto this forum the last few months it is not something I am prepared to debate. When I first came here everyone was sympathetic but months later when I had made little to no progress in my ability to "get over" Jenn that sympathy turned to scorn. That's cool. The vast majority of you were clearly more familiar with the whole experience that is heartbreak.

But I was not. This had NEVER happened to me before and I must say, short of the death of an immediate family member it was the worst experience of my life. Without a doubt. I have had to deal with a very intense and narrow range of feelings that I had never dealt with before. Pain, loss, abandonment, rejection, these are not things anyone is ever taught to deal with. Nor do I believe they are feelings anyone on this Earth should have to deal with (however such a philosophical discussion is best saved for another forum).

I have never dealt with adversity well. I hold grudges and I stubbornly hold onto beliefs and ideas far too long. I'm not a perfect person. I firmly believe that Jenn has no right to be happy for what she did to me. I believe she willfully absolved herself of the right to be happy by casting me aside and not giving our very brief and young marriage any real effort. Will I ever take action beyond annoying emails to actively attempt to prevent her from being in happy in her life? Nope. I like my freedom too much and I believe it possible for me to find someone better suited for me. She was not the one for me. If she were then she never would have left. But the way in which she went about it was so absolutely, undeniably wrong in every way that it is my honest belief that she deserves to be punished in the harshest possible way.

But do I, as one man, have the power to punish her? No. I have come to find that these messages from her new boyfriend were indeed all just part of an elaborate ruse to f*** with my head. And you know what? That's fine. If he were a man he wouldn't have done that. If he were a mature, respectful and genuine human being then he would have seen the pain she caused me and honestly empathized with me. But he did not. He played the game just like she did. And that's okay. It only proves to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they belong together and I am better off without her.

But will I ever respect her as a human being? Certainly not. My dignity as a man will not allow it. I loved her with all my heart. I put a ring on her finger and declared, "Jenn, there is no other woman on this Earth for me. Not now, not ever and I want to spend the rest of my life to you." This is a declaration not every man can make and indeed it is not a declaration some men are even willing to consider making. And I did it without so much as a second thought. It felt right, I went with it and she burned me bad. But at the end of the day, for all her denials about how wrong she was in leaving me so quickly and over such trivial issues she knows deep down I'm a better man than her current boyfriend. But she will never admit it.

And I guess that in and of itself is victory enough. I pledged my heart and soul to a woman once. I was wholly dedicated to what turned out to be a shallow, narcissistic, disgusting pig of a woman who, by her own actions, is destined to end up miserable and alone. I did it once and I can do it again. Hopefully though when I do it the 2nd time it will be with a woman who can genuinely appreciate me for the person I am, share some of the interests I possess and ultimately be willing to accept my faults as I had accepted her's.

You can all still call me crazy, I don't care. I know I'm not crazy. I had feelings for this woman like I never had before and she squashed my hopes, my dreams and ultimately stole nearly 4 years of my life. For a very long time I wasn't sure if it was even possible for me to ever feel that way about another woman. None of you can deny the power of such feelings. However, one day, I will be able to feel that way about another woman and I will treat her with all the love, respect and adoration that I showed that awful, uncaring bitch who only wanted a baby. And the next time it will be right.

[VincenzoG91]

I believe you, Christian. I can see a very different tone to this thread than all of your previous ones, making it obvious that something major changed. I've been through some bad situations in the past by exes, so I can understand how you're feeling right now. However, I hope that you can move on without bitterness and meet the next woman with an open heart.

[LailaK]

I feel sorry for any woman you get involved with in the future. Until you deal with (a let go of) this crazy resentment you have for your ex you will be incapable of being a good partner to anyone else.

Have you considered getting counseling? I'm not saying that to be mean. I truly believe that your hatred for your ex will get in the way of you being happy with someone else in the future until you deal with it.

Bad sh*tty things happen all the time. They even happen to good people who don't "deserve" it. That's just life. We have to accept it and move on.

[ChristianonLI]

It's quite possible my hatred for my ex will work against me, LailaK, but I am going to roll with the optimistic belief that a woman better suited for me will function as the therapy needed to disperse any final vestiges of that anger. Plus I don't have health insurance and I cannot afford formal counseling. I won't otherwise attempt to argue my point or prolong this issue with you or anyone else on the forum.

I said a lot of insane things here. I was at the brink of sanity, a place I'd never been to before. I was plotting and planning and daydreaming of things I never thought I was capable of yet suddenly felt were the only good, just and honorable solutions to restore order to the universe. In the end I still took action to try and ruin her life that they attempted to turn around in order to make me feel worse and it actually helped me to get out of the depths of the darkness once and for all.

But you know, hating her for what she did to me feels relatively natural. Okay so maybe I will argue it a little. Hating her is the only thing I have left, otherwise I'll just have to accept that she won and I have no intention of ever doing that. And every day I shall pray for nothing but pain and misery in her life and for the day to come when I pass her in a public place, with my own wife and child or children, happy as a clam, only to see her by herself and miserable. Hopefully with a few children of her own in tow and no father to support them because really, for what she did to me, how could she deserve anything less than the absolute worst of fates?

[LailaK]

You're only hurting yourself and I wish you could see that.

Just don't make some nice girl go through hell because your ex was a bitch.

[ChristianonLI]

LailaK I don't know you. I don't know where you live or what sort of person you are, what sort of mistakes you've made in the past or what level of credibility you possess as a person. But regardless of all the information I lack I promise you, with every fiber in my being and every bit of marrow in my bones I won't now or ever do that. My ex was one in a million, but not the good kind. If only there were some way for me to show you every last bit of what I've seen and experienced with my ex during and after our relationship I trust that you would know I'd never even think of harming an innocent person, man or woman. Unfortunately all you have to go on is my word. It may not be enough but I intend to stand by it. Even to a faceless, anonymous person on a random forum because in spite of the anonymity of the internet you're still a person out there in the world capable of passing judgment. And like my wedding vows I keep my promises without exception. So as best you can, LailaK, trust in me when I say the next woman to be a part of my life, regardless of whether or not she's the right one I'll be spending the remainder of my life with, will be treated with respect, dignity and loved to the highest degree possible that a human being has the capacity to give.

[ginastar]

ha i am a woman and i think its funny! Although I typically live my life by the saying Karma will be a bigger bitch than I will ever be. and I live my life by thinking god will get the person back in some way if they truely deserve it.
Anyway, I still think its funny what u did.