My heart is broke and it's all my fault. What to do?

[Bannababy11]

Ok, so here's the story. My boyfriend and I have been dating since December of 08" I am now a high school senior. Please don't think that we didn't have real love because we did. So here it goes, this august we had been fighting a Lot. And out of the blue he stopped telling me he loved me as much and would always say oh kelly we aren't even dating. But we defiantly were. So I decided to go visit my friend at college in Which he hates and has forbidden me to see. I got drunk and had sex with a guy. I know this sounds terrible but he antagonized it completely. So anyway, he forgave me for lying and going. But he never knew about that dirty detail. He thought I had just kissed a guy. So finally after 20 lies from my end and him drilling me with question after question he got it out of me. And freaked out. No abuse just very emotional. So here comes the bad part, he tells my father what I did up at college because I guess it slipped out while they were talking. My dad will look at me the same. He thinks I am some sort of slut. There's just certain things a dad doesn't need to know. And in the begining of our relationship about 2 yrs ago he has sex with another girl. I know it was the begining and didn't mean anything but it still happened. Any way my question to all of you is 1.) could you ever forgive me for what I did considering this is true love and how much he loved me.... Shouldn't he find it in his heart to forgive me if he loved me so much? 2.) do you think I should put my self back in this relationship if he does forgive me because now he has a get out of jail free card 3.) I really am freaking out crying everyday over this. Stressed to the max, crying in and out of school because I can't picture my life with out this person 4.) any ideas how to get him back, space, gifts, time, money,?? What?? And 5.) how long to wait before giving up?? THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME IN READING THIS. I NEED MAJOR HELP AND ADVISE!!!!!!

[Ret]

The root is lying, and you should prove to her again that you are trustworthy. Obviously, it's hard. The questions here, is if you are still worthy for him, and can you still give a worthy relationship to him? Tell him all the truth, if he will forgive you and accept the great honesty that you have shown - its a great thing. If he will not, then it's time to accept your fault, and then try to change your self. We should always be worthy to our partner, cause if not, we really have no right to be with them.

[DarkBrownEyez]

Two wrongs don't make a right....Either talk it through or move on. College is just around the corner go to different colleges and meet new people.

[cmacattack1]

Maybe you both had real love before, but it's pretty simple you both don't now. Emphasis on the BOTH part because you are both a part of this, regardless of how strong your feelings are.

First of all, call him out on the part about he said he didn't love you anymore. That you weren't really dating. That's pretty ****ed up. He felt that way and he can't help how he feels. To downplay what you had with him is insulting to you and disrespectful. Yet here we go with you continuing on to.....

Having sex with another guy. Drunk is never an excuse and no matter how much the guy antagonized, you are completely and utterly responsible for your decisions. You chose to have sex with the guy. You have a million reasons, but they aren't excuses. Accept that fact.

Instead of getting to the point and handling the relationship on your own (since he wasn't), you let yourself drift slowly into despair where getting with another guy seemed like a good idea. You shouldn't ever let it get to that point. You need to be up front and honest about how you feel. It's key. And do not worry about losing him and the half assed relationship you have going on now because there will always be somebody else to take his place. Not the same person, but somebody you can love just the same.

It's your first real relationship and you honestly didn't know any better. I get that. You shouldn't be seeking forgiveness, you shouldn't be trying to get back into a broken relationship that is so scarred and damaged, and you will never get anybody back by trying to get him back. You shouldn't have to wait for anyone. You need to accept on your own that it isn't worth it. You made alot of mistakes but you have to walk away with these lessons. It's important to your growth, to develop a sense of independence that you don't need anybody in your life, and to be ready for a stronger, more advanced relationship in the future. You don't need to be punished for this. You are talking about get out of jail free cards, is this how you see relationships and marriages as?

Break ups happen all the time. How we deal with it, how we bounce back, really says alot about who we are and how much character we have. You do not need him in your life, and you do not need the guilt of what you did on your conscience. As long as you know it's wrong, don't do it again. Be honest about how you feel and walk away with your head held high before you decide that sleeping with other guys is the right move.

Everything will be okay. You have to cut him out and start living life on your own again. I promise you are going to look back on this one day and laugh at the absurdity of this whole situation.