Girlfriend with a Kid. Needing advice.

[JCR]

I currently have a girlfriend and we have been together for a year and 4 months now. She has a kid (that is not mine) that is 2. She is 19 and I am 20.

Things have not been absolutely the best in the relationship but every relationship has problems and I understand that. However recently I have started questioning if this is THE relationship and how much in love with her I actually am. I do love her. I know this much. But I have been wondering about what other relationships are out there, if there are any, if they are better or worse?

On top of this, if this is THE relationship I am not sure I am comfortable with her having a kid. At first when I first started dating her I was, it wasn't a big deal and I didn't look at it being a major issue. But now that we are a year + in I have been considering the issue more and I am realizing it is a big deal. I'm not ready for a kid right now. I wanted to have kids around 25 or so, when I got out of grad school or close to it. And at that point he will be 7! Just thinking about that freaks me out. I would not even be close to ready to having a 7 year old at that point. It is not that I don't like kids, I get along with him great, and I like the thought of having kids but it all seems WAY too fast and I can't get around that thought.

I need some advice. I either need some advice on how to work with this problem and maybe understand it better or how I can maybe comfort myself a little better with all the uncertainty. I basically feel like if I don't try other relationships I am going to regret it and if I do try other relationships and I loose her (I mean, realistically she is not going to wait around for me) and she was my best relationship then I will regret loosing her. I also feel uncertain about the whole kid issue. Is it something I should be basing a relationship on? Even at this point? What about in the future?

Please, Please do not comment about how I need to talk to her about this. It is not that I can't or wont talk about this with her, it is just unpractical to do so. The fact that she has a kid will not change. So right now it is just my feelings that need to be checked. Also I did not type this all out just to hear that I need to talk to her about this. Please if you believe this, save your time and do not post.

If you have something else to say, ANYTHING else, PLEASE let me know. Thank you.

[doppelgaenger]

If you're not sure about the kid then leave her immediately. You're too young for that shit, and so is she, but she is the one who made the mistake. Lucky for you, you can just leave her and not have any consequences. You also have to think about the kid. It's not fair to the child at all if you really don't want him.

Everything else just amplifies the fact that she's not for you - having problems in the relationship already. If you've been with her for a year, you would indefinitely know if you love her or not - if you're questioning that, then you're not in love with her.

[sparkle_jello]

I think you had good intentions; however, you should probably break up with her because of your reservations. I have a six year old and if I were ever single I wouldn't want someone on the fence, I would want someone who it really wouldn't matter to, and usually those are men with kids of their own.
Don't drag it out, do it quick so you both can move on.

[justcheckin]

this is what broke me up with my last girlfriend. She REALLY REALLY liked me... and I liked her too.... but she had a kid (not mine; and im 23 and she was 20). I just couldn't accept it as my future. As soon as the initial stage of romance wore off, and I started to come to reality of what I would have to deal with, it really ruined the relationship. I personally wouldn't want to deal with that UNLESS you can look at her as your serious "true love." That is hte only condition. If you are thinking about breaking free right now... I promise you it will only eat at you more and more every day until you do something about it. The fact that you are questioning it is hte beginning stages of wanting to let go I think...

[Sonrisa]

i'd also say get out before the child is capable of getting attached and has long term memory.