should i pay half, or more?

[Katie_melender]

me and my boyfriend currently live together with my parents.
We're looking at moving out and getting our own place.
we both work in stable jobs, but i earn more money. I'm currently puttin some money a month away, which i like incase i need anything. My boyfriend is terrible with money, he spend it on absolute crap and always complaining he is broke.

When we move out, we are going to rent. my boyfriend would like me to pay the rent, the council tax and bills.. he will buy food and the sky tv, which is something he wants. I dont see this as fair? just bcause i have a higher wage. my boyfriend has other things to pay out for like a car loan, a 70 pound phone bill and he uses so much petrol thrasing about in the car with his friends.

should i pay what he wants? or shall we split in directly down the middle?
to me it feels like my boyfriend is living for free, the only extra thing he's going to pay out is for sky tv.. as we already buy our own food for living with my parents.

[Lipp]

If he doesn't learn it now, then when?

Split the essentials down the middle, leave personal expenditure to your own disposable incomes, if you both get along well as self-supporting adults it shouldn't lead to any serious arguments or angst. At the moment it certainly looks as though he's giving you the raw end of the deal.

[asdfg789]

actually, he sounds rather immature. are you planning anything long term with him ?

[Katie_melender]

i am really serious About being with him for the long run yes, he thinks because i have a higher wage i should pay more. i disagree, i think if we noth wanna move out we should both pay the equal amount and whatever is left over is mine. i dont know if i sound greedy?

[sparkle_jello]

I think I will get negative reactions to my opinion, but here goes.

He should be paying at LEAST half. Call me old fashion, but I like when a man takes care of a woman. My husband is the breadwinner, I still have a degree, and I used to work, but he does all the 'heavy lifting'. I have one friend in particular where the woman works one full time and one part time job to take care of her and her spouse. He can barely hold down a part time job while she works her ass off. She is always upset and crying, and he plays video games... oh, and he expects her to clean the house.

It's fine if the woman earns more; however, I just feel like a man should WANT to take care of the woman, and not say, "well you should pay this, and this, and this", he should be saying, "I'm not sure how much I will be able to contribute, but I will try my best to at least pay half".

Also, after a couple years when you have kids, his being bad with money will get real old.

[MerryH]

If you were married or at least a very serious couple, if you make more then you should pay a little bit more. Say you make 30% more than he does, then you would pay 30% more of the combined living expenses (rent, bills, food, etc). But, if you're a new-ish couple and this is the first time you'll be living together then I think everything should be split down the middle. 50/50.

Sounds like he can't afford either of those options so you'd be supporting him. That's not a good start to living together.

[Gribble]

He should pay half, or at least as much as he possibly can. And if he pays less than half he should be eternally grateful to you and it should only be because he's in the process of bettering his life and he feels that soon he'll be able to make it up to you. For example, if he's a student. I take it he's not. Sounds kind of like a loser, no offense.

You have your stuff together. Why stick with a guy who doesn't?

[boobaa]

I think I will get negative reactions to my opinion, but here goes.

He should be paying at LEAST half. Call me old fashion, but I like when a man takes care of a woman. My husband is the breadwinner, I still have a degree, and I used to work, but he does all the 'heavy lifting'. I have one friend in particular where the woman works one full time and one part time job to take care of her and her spouse. He can barely hold down a part time job while she works her ass off. She is always upset and crying, and he plays video games... oh, and he expects her to clean the house.

It's fine if the woman earns more; however, I just feel like a man should WANT to take care of the woman, and not say, "well you should pay this, and this, and this", he should be saying, "I'm not sure how much I will be able to contribute, but I will try my best to at least pay half".

Also, after a couple years when you have kids, his being bad with money will get real old.

No.

A man has a right to decide whatever he wants. If he want the woman to pay more, this must be, its the decision of powerful masculine behaviour, accept that, its very manly.

I just don't understand why it is expected that a man should pay at least half, but not expected from a woman to pay at least half. Our society has outlived the feminist propaganda, economy is equal for both sides.

IMHO this all depends just how great he is in all the other things. I know a true story of a very rich woman, a businesswoman, who paid for everything for his man, cars, etc, and sorry, I don't see nothing wrong with that. But if you don't feel like that, this is normal also, relationships should be normal, flowing, and normally you should not be asking advice in the forums. I really do not understand this "should" thing, for gods sakes make a contract then.

[Katie_melender]

My problem isnt that i am a women and feel i should be looked after.
i just dont see why he shouldnt pay his fair share in a house we both live in? ... if i pay all the things he wants me too, my social life wont be as good as it is now... whereas he will still have his money to do as he pleases with, i think this isnt fair.

[asdfg789]

IMHO this all depends just how great he is in all the other things. I know a true story of a very rich woman, a businesswoman, who paid for everything for his man, cars, etc, and sorry, I don't see nothing wrong with that.

what you are describing is a "kept" man, just like some women choose to be "kept" women.
but in this case, it doesn't appear that the OP is prepared to do that.

To the OP, I think he is taking advantage of you and unless you are prepared to put up with this for life, you should have a talk with him to sort things out.
Good luck !

[Gribble]

There's no such thing as a kept man. Men aren't kept. Boys are.

[sparkle_jello]

No.

A man has a right to decide whatever he wants. If he want the woman to pay more, this must be, its the decision of powerful masculine behaviour, accept that, its very manly.

I just don't understand why it is expected that a man should pay at least half, but not expected from a woman to pay at least half. Our society has outlived the feminist propaganda, economy is equal for both sides.

IMHO this all depends just how great he is in all the other things. I know a true story of a very rich woman, a businesswoman, who paid for everything for his man, cars, etc, and sorry, I don't see nothing wrong with that. But if you don't feel like that, this is normal also, relationships should be normal, flowing, and normally you should not be asking advice in the forums. I really do not understand this "should" thing, for gods sakes make a contract then.

I have no respect for this. It is human nature for the man to want to provide for the woman. This goes back thousands of years when men would go out hunting while women tended to other needs. Women are more vulnerable than men in several stages of their life, pregnancy is just one of these stages, why would any woman want to be with a man that can't provide and care for their family. Women can have careers and go to school and even make more than a man, but a man should be a man and have the desire to provide for the woman.

[Bo]

No.

A man has a right to decide whatever he wants. If he want the woman to pay more, this must be, its the decision of powerful masculine behaviour, accept that, its very manly.

I just don't understand why it is expected that a man should pay at least half, but not expected from a woman to pay at least half. Our society has outlived the feminist propaganda, economy is equal for both sides.

IMHO this all depends just how great he is in all the other things. I know a true story of a very rich woman, a businesswoman, who paid for everything for his man, cars, etc, and sorry, I don't see nothing wrong with that. But if you don't feel like that, this is normal also, relationships should be normal, flowing, and normally you should not be asking advice in the forums. I really do not understand this "should" thing, for gods sakes make a contract then.

idk where you are living boobaa but the US is by no means equal when it comes to men and women.

And he is mooching off of her, and that is quite despicable if he's already living at her parents house. Get rid of him, people might say money shouldn't b a factor but when you're in a relationship but when you're trying to take the next step forward this kind of guy is not right for you. And how much more money do you make than him? In comparison, rent and bills are much more expensive than food, and a tv. So after he pays for the tv, he'll only pay for food? Sounds like bullsh*t to me!

[vashti]

Katie, you are describing a dependent child, not a man. This is an unhealthy way to have a relationship. Yes, he should be paying his own way (as should you). You will only get as much as you settle for with this one. I am pretty sure you could do better.

[Mish]

Tell him to stop being a cheapskate, if he's serious about the relationship