Expectations of your girlfriend?

[fantasy123]

my girlfriend always have these expectations of me, how often I call, how to interact with other females, telling her my whereabouts and stuff.

but growing up, these were not really expected of me from my family. they trusted me to go out and not have to call them every 2 hours. we don't have a constant calling ordeal when I'm at school.

she does in her family, and then she expect from me what her parents expect from her.

but I can't do the same, because I don't expect those things from her. like if she went out with her friends I call she doesn't pick up, I don't care, I don't EXPECT her to pick up her phone while out. she does with me.

how do I deal with this when its like, she has all these expectations of me while I have so little of her.

this leads to me ALWAYS being on the bad side of any argument, where I almost NEVER voice my displeasures because I never have any.

anyone else in this boat?

[VincenzoG91]

Ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend or your mom. Give her a hint and tell her that you already have a mom.

[struggling]

it's called establishing trust ... plus, in a devoted and committed relationship it's a duty to inform your partner your whereabouts. it's a courtesy and consideration

[VincenzoG91]

it's called establishing trust ... plus, in a devoted and committed relationship it's a duty to inform your partner your whereabouts. it's a courtesy and consideration

Not every two hours. Extreme paranoia does not deserve consideration, just therapy.

[Katie_melender]

Although i dont think you should inform her every two hours, me and my partner argued last weekend as he went out at mid-day on saturday and came home at 5 am sunday morning. During this time he dropped his car off outside our home, got a friend to pick him up and didnt come in to tell me he was going out drinking, depite telling me we'd have some food together. He didnt text me or make any contact with me until i realised about his car and rang him at 10am.
So in some respect its not her trying to be your mum, you should be considerate enough to tell her your whereabouts.

[boobaa]

it's called establishing trust ... plus, in a devoted and committed relationship it's a duty to inform your partner your whereabouts. it's a courtesy and consideration

Oh really?

What other rules are there?

[misombra]

If you're not willing to deal with it id say break it off. Its always going to be a power struggle. Either you won't deal with it or you'll give in. If you do give in I'm sure there will be more things she will expect from you that are equally as controlling. I used to have a boyfriendc who expected the same thing. Looking back it was a total means of control. Struggling answered the way she did because she is putting up with control and abuse in her own relationship.

[brookep]

Why is everyone on here so quick to conclude? It's not as simple as break it off or deal with it, you're dealing with a human-being. First off, relationships should be built on honesty. If you keep your true feelings from her, she'll keep doing something you don't like and of course it won't work out over time. Since you two are in a relationship, your approach isn't "hey, stop trying to be my mom." That's going to get you no where and it's hurtful nonetheless. THe first step is to make her aware that what she's doing is irrational and probably a reflection of her upbringing, but tactfully. Don't be afraid to voice how you feel, but don't be harsh either. No one is receptive to that. Then, give her alternatives; find a longterm solution that will satisfy both of you. To make both of you happy, there will be some compromise, but you both need to be content with it. If you guys can't be civil on working out bumps in the relationship, how are you going to progress? If your approach is reasonable and her response isn't, you decide the next step. If she won't negotiate or recognize her irrationality, there's not much more you can do.

[fantasy123]

thanks guys, aside from letting her know of my whereabouts, her expectation of how I interact with female is absolutely absurd.

she says, her parents don't have ANYONE of opposite sex in their cellphone, and that she doesn't even accept friendrequest from guys on facebook... and she honestly think that those are normal expectations in a relationship.

[doppelgaenger]

Here's how you handle a woman like that - when she calls, don't pick up the phone. Only call her when you normally would, not when she expects you to. Continue to do everything you think is normal and fine. By confronting her anger, you established that she is right and you are wrong and now you're expected to change. It's ridiculous, but if you act the way I suggested, she'll confront you, possibly accusing you of being distant and maybe cheating on her/interested in other women. Then you can tell her that you're sick of her controlling attitude and if she continues to expect you to report to her every two hours like a needy, dependent person, then the relationship will have to end. And that's the way things should be - if you have the shorter end of the stick and are always the 'bad guy' she's going to assimilate you completely until you resent her. Being in that situation sucks. Don't put up with it, because a year or so later, you'll regret wasting all your time on her.

[thundersw]

Not every two hours. Extreme paranoia does not deserve consideration, just therapy.

You got point.

[Agape]

my expectations . . . mutual trust and respect . . . exclusive emotional and physical intimacy. . . everything else is a derivation of this

[YouAreBeautiful]

Make it clear to her that you will never ever be willing to do this. Then decide if you still want to be with each other. However, I think most women will expect you to pick up when they call and let them know what you are up to if you are in a serious relationship. You may want to try to work out a compromise in the middle. LOL. We females are demanding and much different than men.

[Lovestory]

Its a woman thing.. we worry! Not about a lack of trust, just like to know where are men are to make sure they are ok, and that they don't need us. I mean if you tell her your out with the guys for pool.. then you shouldn't have to check in every two hours.. but it really makes us woman feel good when we know our men are thinking of us.. how much does one little text really hurt.. like hey hun, i'm having fun.. see you in a couple hours! That will get you far.. and build trust for her!

[Konart]

Why is everyone on here so quick to conclude? It's not as simple as break it off or deal with it, you're dealing with a human-being. First off, relationships should be built on honesty. If you keep your true feelings from her, she'll keep doing something you don't like and of course it won't work out over time. Since you two are in a relationship, your approach isn't "hey, stop trying to be my mom." That's going to get you no where and it's hurtful nonetheless. THe first step is to make her aware that what she's doing is irrational and probably a reflection of her upbringing, but tactfully. Don't be afraid to voice how you feel, but don't be harsh either. No one is receptive to that. Then, give her alternatives; find a longterm solution that will satisfy both of you. To make both of you happy, there will be some compromise, but you both need to be content with it. If you guys can't be civil on working out bumps in the relationship, how are you going to progress? If your approach is reasonable and her response isn't, you decide the next step. If she won't negotiate or recognize her irrationality, there's not much more you can do.

Wow. You are so great with your words and the way you think. That's exactly how I would look at it. OP, I'd take their advice if I were you. That's if you truly care about the person you're with and really want to work it out.