obsessed with younger woman

[tinytalent]

I never thought I would subscribe to a forum like this and I hope my situation is appropriate to it. I am a middle-aged professional man who has become obsessed with a woman about 25 years younger. This is a complete blindside to me. I have been happily married for 30 years and have a daughter who is about the age of this woman I am obsessed with. I've known the girl casually for about four years and have always found her attractive - I only see her during the summer; she works at the golf club I belong to. But a few weeks ago, I was totally overcome with a desire to see her, talk to her; this has never happened to me before. I don't want to break up my marriage and I don't even want an intimate relationship with this girl. She should be with a young guy with whom she has a future. I just want to be with her. Lately, she's all I think about. I've thought of asking my daughter what to do; but I suspect I'd lose some of her respect or she would just tell me I'm a stupid old man with an "old man's crush." Should I tell the girl how I feel? Should I see if she wants to be a Facebook friend? I know the logical answer is "get over it" (and escape with whatever dignity I have left), but I can't seem to. Winter is coming and I won't see her after it arrives. I am terribly confused; this has never happened to me before. Aside from noting that some women are attractive, I've never had these feelings for anyone since marrying my wife. Thanks

[Only-virgins]

Don't do anything. Seriously, you will complicated your marriage. You made a promise when you married. Be a man and keep it.

[sparkle_jello]

Do NOT bring your daughter into this. She should be spared this dilemma, just think of how she would feel. I would also NOT become her facebook friend, it will add fuel to the fire and make you look creepy. It is normal to want younger women, but your wife doesn't deserve you borderline stalking this other woman.
You really make me fear twenty years from now.

[girl68]

Hope that winter comes sooner for you. Best bet avoid her as much as possible. Any choice made should be the one NOT to see her, period.

And don't you dare say a damn thing to your daughter- don't even come so close as to HINT such a hideous thing. I'm 26 and if my dad did... that would be the end of us.

[Agape]

I never thought I would subscribe to a forum like this and I hope my situation is appropriate to it. I am a middle-aged professional man who has become obsessed with a woman about 25 years younger. This is a complete blindside to me. 1) I have been happily married for 30 years and 2) have a daughter who is about the age of this woman I am obsessed with. I've known the girl casually for about four years and have always found her attractive - I only see her during the summer; she works at the golf club I belong to. 3) But a few weeks ago, I was totally overcome with a desire to see her, talk to her; this has never happened to me before. I don't want to break up my marriage and I don't even want an intimate relationship with this girl. She should be with a young guy with whom she has a future. I just want to be with her. Lately, she's all I think about. 4) I've thought of asking my daughter what to do; but I suspect I'd lose some of her respect or she would just tell me I'm a stupid old man with an "old man's crush." 5) Should I tell the girl how I feel? Should I see if she wants to be a Facebook friend? I know the logical answer is "get over it" (and escape with whatever dignity I have left), but I can't seem to. Winter is coming and I won't see her after it arrives. I am terribly confused; this has never happened to me before. Aside from noting that some women are attractive, I've never had these feelings for anyone since marrying my wife. Thanks

1) Married for 30 years
2) You have a daughter around her age

3) NO
4) NO
5) NO

You know rationally that you should "get over it", I suggest you do . . . the reasons, look at 1 and 2

[blent]

Maybe you could try getting to know this person better. Life is short, if it makes you happy then go right ahead with it. Don't do anything too serious with her, but just try to get to know who she REALLY is and it will begin to show you how much of an impact the age disparity will really have.

[justcheckin]

sorry but I would stay away. She might not even be interested in you, I know a girl that works at a country club and she flirts ALLLLLLLL DAYYYYYYYY LONGGGGGGGGG to pay her bills. I would not ruin a marriage over something that risky. And do NOT tell your daughter, that could do serious emotional damage.

[shammi]

you should worry about your future, your young days are gone, your a old man

[MerryH]

What's going on with you? Are you depressed? Stressed about work? Bored with your life? What? I'm not asking to insult you, I'm asking because you're actually considering acting on some pretty questionable thoughts, even though you don't sound crazy or stupid. Want me to list them? Ok.

1) You're married and lusting after another woman.
2) This other woman is the same age as your daughter (which, in another situation might not be that bad, but...come on.)
3) You don't want an intimate relationship with this girl, yet you want to tell her about your feelings? Why?
4) (And this is the most alarming one) You want to tell your daughter about it! Let's imagine it:

You: "Hey, daughter, I'd like to be unfaithful to your mother but I need your advice. Can you give me some tips on what girls your age like?"
Daughter: "Ew, Dad, wtf?! Why would you...I just...what...ugh, wtf! MOOOOOM!!"

Right, so it's an exaggeration and probably not even close to what you would have asked her, but seriously, what's going on? Maybe it's a mid-life crisis or something. Go buy a sports car and get your ear pierced or whatever cliched thing men do with this instead of agonizing over a fantasy.

[sookie6]

Right. I was reading an article recently about the Andropause. Men go through this period of their life where their libido is decreasing and being with their SO for so long does not really help reviving their desire...they start feeling old, unsexy as even their body is changing...they put on weight and become sort of roundish...

Anyway the article says that this particular state makes them very vulnerable to younger women as a young woman would succeed more easily to trigger the old machine.

some men even become crazy about this and leave wife children etc to experience a second youth that is just very short lived most often...as a young woman has indeed plans for her future while Andropausal men have raised children already and been married....

I'd say if you do something stupid in the spur of the moment, be prepared to pay the consequences...

[VincenzoG91]

As an alternative, you could hire a call girl to just give you a hand job. That way, you can somehow rationalize that you didn't cheat on your wife, and yet still wallow in guilt and shame afterward, hopefully getting this foolishness out of your system.

[sparkle_jello]

I would consider a hand job cheating.

[Only-virgins]

As an alternative, you could hire a call girl to just give you a hand job. That way, you can somehow rationalize that you didn't cheat on your wife, and yet still wallow in guilt and shame afterward, hopefully getting this foolishness out of your system.

LoL I wouldn't appreciate my wife getting fingered behind my back to tell you the truth.

[tinytalent]

Hi All, I thank you all for your comments. I think I catch on - you are all saying the same thing. Your comments are the slap I needed to figure this out. Words like "creepy," "stalking," etc. cause me to think: "Is this the kind of person I am or want to be?" Of course not. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't know where this came from and it might take me a while to get over it. But I am an adult and I have control over my behavior. You have convinced me not to act on this; to behave in a way what causes nobody any discomfort. All parties involved, the girl, my wife, my daughter do not deserve the stuff that my behavior would cause. You have saved me a lot of embarrassment and I can't thank you all enough.

[lyle0729]

How would you feel if your daughter dated a man just about your age???

I'm sorry, but your behavior is entirely too selfish. Of course, I can't hold your feelings against you, but your desire to ACT on it is what gets me. My advice-- go cold turkey on her. Forever. I have a fear of men doing the same to me when I am older... and this is the exact reason why. You're out of your mind to ask your daughter about this; she would just think you're a pig and she'll DEFINITELY tell your wife.