Third Wheel On Our Big Date

[VincenzoG91]

Short version: my girlfriend invited a female friend along for our big, expensive date, and I said no. We didn't go out, and now we're both mad at each other.

Long version:

After a brief breakup last winter, my girlfriend and I got back together and have slowly and steadily rebuilding our relationship better than ever. Last Tuesday, she surprised and delighted me by suggesting that we go to my favorite nightclub (not her favorite by any means) for Halloween, which is also my favorite holiday. She sweet-talked me into spending over $200 on her naughty nurse costume and some sexy lingerie, which she asked me to help her choose. I'm not rich, but I do have an above-average income, so the $200+ was affordable, but made this date seem like a big deal, like it would be an especially sexy and memorable date.

On Thursday night, she asked if maybe we could instead go out on Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday, which would mean missing the big event at my favorite nightclub, because she got assigned a take-home test that would be do by email by midnight on Saturday, and she wasn't sure that she would finish in time. She is kind of a procrastinator, though not unusually bad about it. I talked her back into Saturday night by asking her to just focus and get her homework done before Saturday night.

At 8:00 on Saturday night, I called to see if she was getting ready. She begged me to help her get the homework done, in hopes that we could still go out that night. It was a take-home test on a 64-page play that I had never heard of, and each of the ten questions required 150-300 word answers. I didn't complain, but buckled down to help. We had to work by email, because she had lost her phone charger and it was running low on power. I did google searches based on keywords from each test question, plus I skimmed some summaries and analysis of the play, as well as a biography of the playwright. She was thrilled with my contributions, but we didn't finish until 11:55 PM due to her perfectionist nature. We were both too tired at that point, so we agreed to go out on Sunday night instead, to some other event.

Sunday around noon, she called from her workplace to ask me to buy her a new phone charger and drop it off for her. I already had two friends on the way over to watch a movie, and they were going to show up any minute, so I told her that I would get to that later in the afternoon. She was okay with that, but then asked me if it was okay if she brought a female friend along that night, for dinner and the event at the second club. I reflexively said okay, but as soon as I hung up, I got really irritated. I emailed her that I wasn't okay with the third wheel on our big date, and felt mislead about the nature of our date that involved so much spending on things like sexy lingerie.

She emailed back that she didn't think it was fair that we originally planned to go to the club where quite a few of my friends hang out, especially on Halloween, but suddenly it wasn't okay for her to bring a friend along. I emailed back an apology, but emphasized that our big date was no longer a date when she invited a third wheel, so I wasn't going to go.

I'm still unhappy about the whole situation and wouldn't mind some input here. I feel like I should avoid talking to her for a few days because I am currently feeling the impulse to dump her, even though that's unreasonable for the circumstances.

[Sonrisa]

why would you have an issue of having a friend tag along to a CLUB? it's not a restaurant after all.

[VincenzoG91]

My girlfriend talked me into spending $212 on her costume, makeup and some sexy lingerie, all for our big Halloween date. She can use the lingerie from now on, but the costume and make-up were very specifically just for Halloween. The make-up alone was more than $100. So I feel like this was supposed to be a big date. And we were also going to go to a restaurant first, and she was expecting me to pay for her friend's dinner, too.

[Sonrisa]

there must be a reason why she wanted her friend to be there. what was it?

[VincenzoG91]

there must be a reason why she wanted her friend to be there. what was it?

I guess that she just didn't see this date as that big a deal after all, even though I spent all that money on her costume. She knew that I had work today, and she had class this morning, so the Sunday night date wasn't going to go that late anyway, as opposed to the original plan for Saturday night.

[Sonrisa]

well, if there's a logical explanation for it then what's the issue?

[VincenzoG91]

well, if there's a logical explanation for it then what's the issue?

She's mad because she thinks that I was a hypocrite, because we might have run into some of my friends on Saturday night, though I wouldn't have been giving them a ride or buying them dinner and drinks.

I'm mad because she talked me into spending $212 for a date and then downgraded it with the addition of a third wheel. I'm also mad because our Saturday night plans got ruined by her procrastination. And if I had known about the third wheel thing, I wouldn't have wasted my Saturday night helping her cheat on her take-home exam.

[Sonrisa]

honestly, I would be mad too if i went through extensive planning and the everything fell apart. you really should've pressured her into going on saturday and then finishing what she needed to do on sunday.

[VincenzoG91]

I think that I'm right about being upset about the ruined plans. But I regret the way that I canceled on the raincheck date on Sunday. Instead of directly confronting the issue at that point, I could have just given some other excuse and then wait until I was in a better frame of mind before talking about my disappointment. I've been having some insomnia lately, so by Sunday I was feeling pretty tired anyway.

[Sonrisa]

i heard sex cures insomnia

[VincenzoG91]

Then this week is going to be tough to get through.

[Petit Papillon]

It's not ok that she expects you to pay for her friends,wtf??

[Sonrisa]

why would he pay for her friends, PP?

[Petit Papillon]

He said that his gf expected him to pay for her friend

[Petit Papillon]

My girlfriend talked me into spending $212 on her costume, makeup and some sexy lingerie, all for our big Halloween date. She can use the lingerie from now on, but the costume and make-up were very specifically just for Halloween. The make-up alone was more than $100. So I feel like this was supposed to be a big date. And we were also going to go to a restaurant first, and she was expecting me to pay for her friend's dinner, too.

She's mad because she thinks that I was a hypocrite, because we might have run into some of my friends on Saturday night, though I wouldn't have been giving them a ride or buying them dinner and drinks.
I'm mad because she talked me into spending $212 for a date and then downgraded it with the addition of a third wheel. I'm also mad because our Saturday night plans got ruined by her procrastination. And if I had known about the third wheel thing, I wouldn't have wasted my Saturday night helping her cheat on her take-home exam.

There you go Son...