Third Wheel gone the wrong way

[confusedxxx]

I've been a bit upset on and off over my boyfriend's close realtionship with his buddy. Ive been with my lover for almost 3 years now and he reconnected with his pal about a year ago. He lives only 5 minutes away from where we currently live.... When we first starting dating he wasnt really friends with him because he was friends with his ex girlfriend. So they know each other for years and years, but I guess after running into him and realizing we all live so close we all became good friends.

But here's where it starts to me a prob for me:

He can spend hours and hours with him at no end!!! I'm not talking 1-3 hours I'm talking marathon sessions (talking and lots of cig breaks too) He has even invited him to places and parties with us where he's practically attached to his hip. It's not even that he spends all that time with him(which is like 3-4 times a week 5+ hours each time) its the way I am starting to really hate it. I think the final straw came last night when we were stargazing and instead of actually enjoying the moment he speed dialied his friend to tell him about the supposed UFO were spotted and were observing. At that moment my heart dropped. He claims I'm just a jealous person, but it's insane how much time they spend together. He was with him all day playing video games and helping him with his "taxes". This is just one scenerio. Most of them just revolve them spending time together playing games, doing what average 23 year olds do.

Now, to put it bluntly I feel like the Third Wheel most of the time. I have read tons of those "Why Men LOve Bitches" books and I know all about those games.



I guess my question is;

Has anyone ever been in a realtionsip with the opposite sex and had to deal with that person's same sex realtionship with a "friend" that's practically always hanging out with you and your partner? (And sometimes alone)


I guess for me its too much and that makes me think he has more of an emotional bond - I almost feel like I am sharing my bf with this guy. He has had gf's before, but I really feel hed rather stay single and be with my man. I don't feel like there is something sexual at all, although I know a few things about his friend that is borderline. To put it bluntly I get the impression he is smitten by my guy somehow.

For example about 3 months ago my bf said his friend Jim wanted to go to the movies and he had a date with him. This was a girl I met at his apartment months and months before. She told me how she liked him, but I knew that he wasn't that in to her. But yet here we all were going to the movies. So get this..... we get in to get our seats and he doesn't even sit next to her!!! He sat next to my boyfriend. He picked the seat next farthest away from her! I mean come on. By the end of the night I seriously started thinking she was there for me so he could spend quality time with my lover. His date was this sweet small girl not even 5 foot tall. Almost immediately she was making references to them "having to hold hands" to go the bathroom and why do they always take so long? I was a bit surprised only because this was only the second time she hung out with me, my lover and Jim. The first time was at hi
is place..... It's almost as if she could tell they were buson buddies.

And I don't want to just change who I am and start doing things out of character.

It just really bothers me and I am starting to get anxiety everytime he mentions his name.

Please advise

[Junket]

They're probably gay.

If he's not interested in spending time with you, then stop spending time with him.

[LoveHurts09]

find some1 to spend time with, if he doesnt miss u then u are going to have to rethink what u want from ur relationship

[Gigabitch]

Wow. It's like you're watching yourself get dumped in slow motion.

I would walk away from this if I were you. He's regressed back to third grade, when boys thought girls had cooties and weren't nearly as interesting as Playstation.

[fi123]

It all sounds extremely odd to me...does seem like there is something going on between them...i would start spending a significant amount of time with your girlfriends or even at ur mums or something and see how he reacts

[alovehangoverr]

Have you talked to him about this? What has been said?

I can understand that reconnecting with an old friend can be exciting and you want to spend time with them-- however, when you're in a relationship you have to have a balance of friend time and gf/bf time.

As for the whole "gay" idea-- it sounds to me like you're reaching.. if anything it sounds like they're having a "bromance," not something potentially sexual.

If I were you, I'd ditch that idea and stop focusing on their relationship, and start focusing on the one between the two of you. Talk about the issues, try and work something out.

If he still thinks you're being ridiculous or refuses to give you the time you need-- end it.

[confusedxxx]

I want to thank all of you for your responses.

Things are going better and we have talked.

Alovehangoverr: You are right on. They are really buddies and the other night we all hung out and I made an effort to be more cool and more myself instead of freaking out.

I notice when I am busy in my world (on my phone texting) he ALWAYS asks who I am talking to.


I have focused more of myself and my world instead of that.

I have made such minor changes that make me feel good... I just love this man and don't want him to go away.