Just Friends...

[GrapeSeed]

Earlier this year, in January, I was taking an o-chem class. In this class I met a girl, Sam. When Sam found out where I had recently relocated from we began talking and going out to get lunch after class along with her lab partner, Josh (who was also her lab partner the previous semester). On our first exam I performed very well so me and her began studying together, the more we talked the more a I developed feelings for her. After a couple of months Sam revealed that her and Josh had been dating for the last 5 months. At this point I backed off a little bit, but we would still study, I always asked if Joe would like to come along but he never did. Their relationship was bumpy, he is a jerk and very insecure and it became clear he had a problem with her and I studying; he'd belittle her looks and intelligence constantly (she's very beautiful and smart, near 4.0 gpa), and call me a 'show off,' or 'nerd' whenever I received a good grade. When the semester ended she dumped him.

During the course of our discussions Sam told me that Josh had been a rebound relationship after breaking up with her long time boyfriend, Ryan who is still actively trying to get her back. She said that she still had some mixed feelings for Ryan; cares a lot about him but finds some of his attributes unattractive and annoying, in addition to the fact that he lives 5 hours away. She also added that she wanted to stay out of any relationship at least for the summer to avoid any more 'rebounds'. We also found that we were both planning on transferring out of our current school, she had been accepted into one new college for the fall, and I was accepted to the same school and one slightly more prestigious for the following spring semester.

We hung out over the summer: seeing movies, grabbing things to eat, and I would frequently spend time at her home (she was still living with her family). I listened to her problems: her parents' divorce and her mother's swift remarriage (this happened during the time we spent together). Once or twice she inadvertently referred to me as a 'boyfriend', she would talk about traveling with me back to my hometown (it's somewhat exotic), and told me how much she appreciated my company and even asked when she get to meet my parents. We never got very physical, we hugged and horseplayed. Sometimes we'd lay on the grass at night, talk, and watch the stars (cheesy sounding I know). All in all I found her to be one of the nicest, most caring person (almost to a fault) I've ever met. I really started falling for her hard.

But soon she had to leave for the other school, we kept in touch and often had 2 hour+ long conversations multiple times a week -she instigated most of the calls. When she came back on various weekends she would call me and we would spend the greater part of the day together (bear in mind she has other friends, she has lived in this town her whole life but she chose to see me). It's also worth noting that Josh followed her to the new college town, didn't get into the school instead attends the local CC. Sam had told him even while they were dating that she didn't like the idea of couples going to a school just to be together, that a person needs to make that decision for them.
So much for my longwinded back-story.

She invited me down to stay with her for the weekend and she was hosting a party Saturday night. It was at this point I found out I was also accepted into the more prestigious school I had applied to. She later informed me that Ryan was coming down as well (The schools were playing each other). I arrived Friday night, Sam, Ryan, myself, and Ryan college friend all went out, we went to some bars then to a dance place. I danced with Sam and as we were leaving the dance floor she was holding my hand and then turned around a placed her hands on my face, I considered kissing her, but didn't since I thought Ryan might see and that could sting. A little later Sam had drank too much and let Ryan kiss her. I felt pretty crappy that night and left the next day. Before I left she gave a very enthusiastic hug in private, again asked about meeting my parents, offered to let me stay at her place the following weekend to I could tour the campus, and told me she wasn't getting back with Ryan.

I agreed to come back. The night I arrived the following Friday we went out to dinner, Joe for some reason came along, later that night after Joe left I turned on some music and danced with Sam in her living room, I had a good time and she seemed like she enjoyed herself. The next morning we were eating breakfast and she said (crappy paraphrase): "So, are you going to attend the other school?" I responded: "I'm leaning towards this one, why?" Her: "I just don't think you should come here for the wrong reasons is all, like Joe did. The other school has a better reputation, you should do what best for you." Me: "Well this is a really good school and a better price. " I left it at that until that night.

Joe randomly popped in and began watching football, he horsed around with her a bit and I felt a surge of jealousy. After he left I asked why she continued to see him (he treats her the same as always), she said she gets bored and lonely not really knowing anyone in the town. I asked her why she thought I'd move down here for her.
Her: "Do I need to spell it out? You 'like' me don't you? I don't want you to move down here for that."
Me: "I generally don't drive down to visit people I hate. "
Her: "No but, You know what I mean."
Me: "I have feelings for you, yeah"
Her: "I really like you, you're a fantastic guy, but as a friend. Anything between us right now would be too complicated, with my mixed feelings for Ryan and Joe. My life is just really confusing right now. But since you told me your reasons choosing the schools I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

It was 2:00 am so I let it go and we resumed the next morning, I told her that her phrasing the previous night left some doubt in my mind and I would appreciate it if she could be frank with me. Again she said I was a fantastic person but she didn't think anything between us would work out right now. I said, "Alright, it's just that I thought you had some feelings for me." She looked at the floor and shook her head very slightly from side to side and again said "anything between us right now would be too complicated, with my mixed feelings for Ryan and Joe. " I pressed her some more, "You're doing it again." She looked up and said angrily "I DON'T LIKE YOU! ... it would be too difficult to have a relationship right now ." I responded: "Well if you don't having any feelings for me I don't think it would work at all." she stared back at the floor, "...let's get doughnuts and coffee" she said. After we ate I was ready to step out eh door and leave I told her I thought she was a beautiful, smart caring girl and that I hope you finds someone who appreciates that. She leaned and hugged me for around 30sec to a 1 minute, we broke and I left.

She called me later that day after I had arrived home, she suggested we meet over thanksgiving break, and that if I can make it down there again she knows where they make great drinks. She also maintains that she would like to visit my hometown with me. Needless to say I'm a little confused and hurt. I guess I will limit my contact and see if she tries to keep in touch.

So, if you made it through my novel, what say you oh strangers of the internet?
The way I see it there are 4 possibilities:
1)(What I don't want to be true) She sees me as a 'girlfriend' and nothing more.
2)(also what I don't want to be true) She had feeling but they faded, just trying to let me down easy
3) (What I would prefer to believe) She has some feelings there just not enough to get involved with me over the other guys yet.
4) (Entering into fairy-tale land) She cares enough about me to not let me throw away the opportunity at the other school for her. (yeah right, I know)

Basically I'm just a young kid with little experience and would love any advice or whatever. Sorry for the corny dialogue and any typos, i wrote this rather quickly.
One hell of a first post huh? -thanks

[Applesauce]

move on + talk to other girls + be more aggressive = profit

[madotnw_nihs]

It doesn't matter what the reason is but it is clear that she wants to be just friends. unfortunately I do think it's A,B or C. You seem very capable, confident, and caring person so my suggestion is to not get involve in this mess. If one day she makes the decision on her own and clearly cuts off the other two dudes and matures a bit, I say go for it. Right now I think it's not worth the trouble.

Take Care