Trying to recover from almost having an affair, 1 year on!!!!!

[stocktonlad1970]

I've been married 20 years with two children. Its been a good marraige, but it did start to go down hill over the past few years down to one thing or the other. I've always been faithful and never wanted to look elsewhere.

About a year ago a girl I work with said she fancied me and started to flirt with me. Because of the way I felt about my marriage, I thought I'll have a laugh and flirt back. After a few weeks, she kissed me and said she "wanted" me. To be honest I felt flattered, receiving attention like this from an attractive younger women. We kissed a couple more times, but all the time my conscience was telling me this was wrong.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this girl wanted to move to the next level and I couldn't. I explained that I couldnt cheat on my wife even though my marriage wasnt a good one. She understood and we stopped everything. We still see each other at work and it's not awkward. This was January this year. For two months I tried really hard to make my marriage work, but it got to the point that my wife wanted us to split. So in March I moved out.

Things were difficult at the start of moving out, but I finally got my self sorted. New life, new start. No more women lol. My kids still played a very important part in my life. Three months down the line my wife and I began getting close again, and we decided to give it another go, so I moved back.

Since moving back I have been consumed with guilt, everyday, from waking up to going to bed, an awful churning feeling in my stomach, aching arms and legs, its terrible. Everyday I just want to tell my wife what happening to try and get some peace, but I know if I do, I'm sure it would destroy everything. We love each other very much and life is good, but I cannot stop feeling bad.

They say time is a great healer, but as time passes my guilt is getting worse. I am desperately trying to forget what happened but it's not going away :-(

This time last year I wasn't sure if I loved my wife, now I've never been more sure.

I just dont know what to do.

[VincenzoG91]

You should suppress the selfish impulse to confess this non-event to your wife. It will cause her pain, de-rail your improving marriage, and ultimately give you no satisfaction. So knock it off. You told us, that's enough confession for now.

[dan2k7]

I agree with the above, at least you acknowledged in your own mind what you did was wrong and fortunately you stopped before it got to the next level. To keep punishing yourself will only make things worse. Live for the moment and enjoy your time with your wife. By your name I take it your from Stockton on Tees?

[stocktonlad1970]

Thanks for that. I know what your saying is right. Its just hard coming to terms with what I've done and what could have happened. I hope time heals and soon.

The biggest positive from this experience is that a lesson has been well and truly learned.

BTW. I'm orginally from Stockton on Tees, now live in Reading

[damn2010]

Use other outlets to get your guilt out. Maybe write a letter to your wife and then burn it...or just write and keep those thoughts as an outlet. Once you are able to forgive yourself you can move on and forward and don't let it suppress your improving relationship with your wife!

I also applaud you that despite you did share some kisses with this other women, you were strong enough to then realize what you were doing was wrong and immediately backed off of it. That's a great sign of inner strength despite a moment of weakness.

[devonbrown]

I agree with the other responders here. This is a lot about not much. You stopped any potential unfaithfulness and now your relationship is better than ever. Concentrate on the important things (the present) and look forward to the future. The past is just that.

[stocktonlad1970]

Thank you for your advice guys. Much appreciated.