will my girlfriend leave me? Please help

[casual12]

Hi.

I have a problem I would like some help and advice with.

a few months ago I was on holiday abroad with the lads. one evening whilst there I got VERY drunk (to the point of not remembering barely anything).

On that evening whilst I was asleep in bed, my friends brought some girls back to our apartment and the girls came into my room and woke me up. My friends have told me that one of the girls kept trying it on with me from the start, (rubbing my chest etc) and I kept saying no I dont want to do anything. (I cannot remember any of this) but my friends told me they left me alone in the room with her for around half an hour. However when I woke up I had very slight flashbacks of her saying to me "you have cummed on my hand". My friends have also told me that I was in bed with the girls and although I kept saying I dont want to sleep with any of them and telling them to leave me alone I did tease one of them by pretending to "hump" her (fully clothed). Later on in the evening I went back to my bed and she again followed me and tried it on and my friend has told me I had to shout him in to my room and plead with him to sleep next to me so the girl would leave me alone and I could sleep, and I got very angry and told her to get lost.

It scares me because all I can remember is her telling me I have cummed on her hand and I can remember no more.

I am a good man, I love my girlfriend more than life itself and I pride myself on being a good man.

Since this has happened I have been so traumitised and frightened of losing the girl I love that I have had to go on medication and go to see a counsellor.

I am desperate to tell my girlfriend so we can move on, but I am frightened she will leave me.

I know I made a mistake by getting very drunk and blacking out and I regret that more than anything I ever have. But my question is this.

If I tell my girlfriend, is she going to leave me over this. She claims to be madly in love with me but is this a breaking up offence?

Thanks

[devonbrown]

It could be worth breaking up over simply because you were drunk to the point of blacking out and that is a dangerous situation.
The stuff with the girl ... you don't even know for sure what happened. You heard bits and pieces and remember bits and pieces and that's all. It is just as possible that your friends are just trying to mess with your head. Are you ever going to see this girl again? Are you ever going to cheat on your girlfriend? If the answer is no to both of those questions, there is no need to risk your relationship by telling your girlfriend about things that you aren't even sure you did. That would just hurt and upset her and there is no reason to do that.
If you are going to drink with the lads, do it in moderation. And if you are going to drink to the point of blacking out, be sure you are somewhere you are safe and can trust those around you.
Good luck.

[Lineofsight]

I really understand where your coming from (no pun intended) I have myself blackedout only once but it is indeed scary to do shit when you dont remember it and in a state of minimal control over anything.

If I'd turn the situation around and say you were my girlfriend that had guys come in and do shit with her on a friends night out I would be furious at those guys and be traumatised myself, maybe to the point where I would have to break up.
It's a very creepy thought and will haunt your girlfriends mind forever after you tell her. Even when you leave out the details.
The girls have actually raped you when you were intoxicated, maybe it's better to learn from this and keep yourself from situations where you lose control like this with girls around.
Are you sure this story will never leak out and reach her anyway? My advice dont tell her if you really love her.

[girl68]

Good men do not do this.

I did tease one of them by pretending to "hump" her (fully clothed).

[girl68]

IMO your dry humping was the wrost part of it all.

[MerryH]

If a female was trying to fall asleep in her own bed and one or more men came into her room and started touching her while she repeatedly said "no no no" then she would be a victim of sexual assault. So are you, it doesn't matter that you're male. You don't have to feel bad about this, and nobody should blame you. If you have an understanding, caring girlfriend then she won't leave you for this.

I'm wondering what your counselor is doing wrong that makes you turn to an internet forum for this. Have you talked about this with him/her?

[casual12]

I have spoken to my counsellor about this, its the reason I am going to counselling, and he has basically told me that I need to lost the guilt. But I am just looking for more opinions on this. I still no I have done wrong, and the hardest part is I honestly dont think I could do anything to prevent it because I was not in control of my thoughts or actions. I honestly believe that.


Does nobody think its a good thing that she begged me for sex for hours and all I did was dry hump her? I dont know why I did it but the fact remains I did not sleep with her when she begged me to and I had to ask a mate to sleep next to m, and eventually she left angry at me not sleeping with her (from what I'm told)

Since this has happened it has ruined my life. I cant live without her, and the fact that I could have done something to hurt her or lose her is becoming too much for me to bare.

[casual12]

I really understand where your coming from (no pun intended) I have myself blackedout only once but it is indeed scary to do shit when you dont remember it and in a state of minimal control over anything.

If I'd turn the situation around and say you were my girlfriend that had guys come in and do shit with her on a friends night out I would be furious at those guys and be traumatised myself, maybe to the point where I would have to break up.
It's a very creepy thought and will haunt your girlfriends mind forever after you tell her. Even when you leave out the details.
The girls have actually raped you when you were intoxicated, maybe it's better to learn from this and keep yourself from situations where you lose control like this with girls around.
Are you sure this story will never leak out and reach her anyway? My advice dont tell her if you really love her.

It could leak but is unlikely. And I agree that getting drunk to the point of blacking out is wrong and bad. But I never wanted, or expected this to happen. Surely If my girlfriend knows I have been on medication and counselling it must show her the level of drunkness I was at, and show her I did not want or intend for this to happen.....

[casual12]

IMO your dry humping was the wrost part of it all.

its funny because this is the part I regret the most. But if you can try picture the seen, I was blacked out. In bed with a girl who would not leave me alone and I was obviously turned on. Thats natural. And despite not being in control all I did was hump her and NOT sleep with her despite her contious efforts. surely that counts for something?

[casual12]

Casual,

Just try to forget this situation and move on. Is your relationship still good? If so, keep it like that and don't say anything about it.

Make the effort to forget it and move on as I said earlier.

And invest in your relationship.

Good luck

[/url]

My relationship is so good. I know for a FACT I would never had done this had I been in control of myself. I have learnt such a big lesson from this. I guess the only thing I am missing is the reassurance that if this does come out I am going to be able to convince her that i did not want this to happen.

[Georgia]

I real hope not hun.

[hello1]

The simple fact is we all have temptations, every single one of us. It doesn't matter how drunk you were, maybe a part of you were enjoying it and leading her on? I doubt it very much a girl would stick around for hours being rejjected, she properly saw it as a game. if my boyfriend told me he had done what you did, I would have to end it. You could have kicked her out easily. If you were drunk and she was annoying you that much BUT you played with her. You played the game and it led to some sexual activity. I feel sorry for your girlfriend

[girl68]

its funny because this is the part I regret the most. But if you can try picture the seen, I was blacked out. In bed with a girl who would not leave me alone and I was obviously turned on. Thats natural. And despite not being in control all I did was hump her and NOT sleep with her despite her contious efforts. surely that counts for something?

You choose to dry hump her. Sorry in my books that counts as cheating.

[devonbrown]

The more I read this thread, the more I agree with the people who are saying that you did cheat on your girlfriend in a manner of speaking. Alcohol does not turn you into someone else, it lowers inhibitions so that the real you comes out.
Yes it is something that you didn't sleep with this girl, but it is still a far way from not doing anything and kicking her out of the room. You probably were, subconsciously at least, enjoying the attention and rationalizing that as long as you didn't have sex you were still being faithful to your girlfriend.
But, the question remains how to alleviate yourself of the guilt and/or should you tell your girlfriend. Frankly, if your relationship is that effected by your guilt, you should tell her, whether you can keep her or not. Because it isn't really a good relationship now if you are riddled with guilt all the time.
Remember, In Vino Veritas.

[girl68]

Well if the tables were turned and I was piss drunk and some dude was massively hitting on me and I only gave him a lap dance I assure you my ass would be dumped. My "I was so drunk but I didn't have sex with him" argument would not fly, not fly at all.