Girlfriend broke up for no reason

[robert82]

Hi everyone! I am really desperate and don't know exactly where to seek help. Found this forum... Please help me.. (Also excuse me my English, it is not my first language...)

I am 28 years old and about four years ago I met a girl a few years younger than me. We went out for a couple of times but it didn't seem anything special, we had almost nothing to talk about and we just didn't talk any more and I almost forgot about her.

Then about 6 months later I received a phone call. I had to ask who it was and to my great surprise it was that same girl, she wanted to meet me and to talk to me. Well, we started to talk and meet again and she was like another person, we were completely in sync, it turned out we had the same taste in films etc. The reason she contacted me, at least she told me, she suddenly started to miss my strange humour and wicked smartness

Anyway I was very surprised by all this and then after about 3-4 month she said she loves me. Now I was really-really surprised because I considered her only as a good friend. She asked if we could start dating.

I actually did not want to get into a relationship with her, I could not respond properly to her feelings, I did not love her back, although I very much liked her. But still I decided that many relationships begin with a friendship and it is not always love at first sight, so after careful thought I said "yes".

We were together slightly over two years. We NEVER had any arguments, the sex was really-really good, she constantly reminded me that she loved me. And I, being a stupid fool, also fell in love with her finally

Everything was beautiful... We never lived together but talked about it, we lived really close to each other, so there was no distance factor. I loved her more and more every day. We did many things together, a perfect relationship. I was very considerate of her needs and very understanding. We trusted each other completely. I also met her parents and they were quite OK with me.

Then one day this September she called me and said "We have to talk" in a voice that made me feel like I had been shot in the head. Well, we talked. She said that she does not love me in a romantic way as she used to, but cannot explain this "new kind of love", but it is not that strong. And she wants to experience the feeling of "being free", so she asked me if we could have a timeout of 1 month.

I was totally blown away by this but I have read and heard that people do need their space some time, I even know married couples who have had timeout before they were married and everything had turned out fine, so I agreed. So you cannot say that I was suffocating her in some way, I have always tried to be totally undestanding. We were apart for a month, I did not see her and only occasional chat over the web. I missed her so much during that period.

After the one month she said she is certain she wants to break up and she does not love me any more like a boyfriend and she wants to be "only friends". She says she still cares very very much about me and loves me, but only as a friend. But the worst thing is - she still CANNOT EXPLAIN IT. She just wants to be "free" and not in a relationship with me. She says that I am the perfect boyfriend and would be a perfect husband, I like animals and have a good job and the sex is awesome and I don't drink much alcohol and don't smoke etc. But still she does not love me any more. She almost starts crying every time she says it and she says it hurts her even more than it hurts me but this is "something she has to do".


So what am I supposed to do now? I am not a man who easily falls in love, it takes much time and consideration. But when I do fall in love, it is epic. I do not want other girls, I want only her. Even the thought of dating any other girls makes me sick.

Guess I am not that smart after all... I had never considered the possibility that people break up only because the girlfriend says that "this is something she has to do" and "she wants to be free". During these two years I saw several friends of mine breaking up with their boyfriends/girlfriends because of different reasons and thought "oh my god, I have a seriously good thing going on here, I do not even have a remote chance of breaking up with my girlfriend, we simply do not have these reasons for breaking up".

Also I feel like I have been tricked because she hit on me, she wanted a relationship, she said she loved me. And now she is not even reconsidering and not giving it a chance. I have always thought that when people have problems they at least try to resolve them but not in this case. I cannot even define if there is any problem to resolve, except the diappearance of "the real love". Bang! - timeout! Bang - break up!

Is there something I should or can do? Please help! At this moment I have no idea how to go on with my normal life without her being a part of it. What could be the reason that even she cannot define and is not even willing to search for and repair?

[Ryan Heitzman]

Sorry, man. Don't give up and try again when you are emotionally ready.

[Lineofsight]

Man that sounds a lot like my exgirlfriend. Somehow they just get an idea inside their heads and it starts growing. You can't blame yourself or her man, it's crappy but there is not much you can do.

If you don't let her go you won't be able to move on. The best thing to do is start telling yourself it's over.

She didn't even miss you after the 'break'?

[robert82]

I asked if she missed me at all at any moment during the break or after it and she said "not really", although a few times she came to talk with me on msn and asked how I was doing. when she was "in real love" she used to text message me via sms all the time that she misses me and always asking when is going to be the next time when we meet

[Ryan Heitzman]

Oh, boy. There's this one girl I like to talk to warriormaden. I hope she never just doesn't ever wanna talk anymore. I think she's awesome and am glad I started talkin to her. Your last post reminded me of saying this robert82.

[Boisdevie]

I'm afraid you have been treated badly by this woman who clearly does not care for you. It hurts. It is not fair. You can only try to find someone else who values you more than she did.

[smackie9]

Chalk it up as a bad experience and move on. Next time don't date someone when they say they love you when you have never been in a relationship with them....makes sense don't it?

[MrBojangles]

I know a girl who is kinda like this..

She wants a boyfriend, romance and all these things a lot so she gets very quickly involved with guys trying to "catch them". Most guys thinks shes a slut so they just dump her after they get what they want, I feel sorry if you actually became the boyfriend of a such a girl.

Anyway, it's no surprise that after x amount of time the hole they had is not filled by the boyfriend and they want to "be free", i.e., find new men to reassure them and milden their deepseeded crippling insecurities.

[robert82]

Gentlemen, unexpected turn of events - I incidentally got acquainted with a professional model yesterday, playing an online game on the internet. We talked like the whole day and she seemed to like the conversation and me too. And her parents are loaded with cash and she is intelligent too. And she agreed to go out some time. I am not kidding. I demanded proof that she is who she is and she provided it. It was almost too good to be true, but the proof was rock solid. And after I told my ex-girlfriend about this new online friend, "jealousy" was written all over her.

Is it possible that this is really so easy to get the ex back? Go out with a model?

Stay tuned...

[Pockie]

Well You've been through a lot of pain, but You'd try to understand her as well.
She did had a reason, yeah stupid one, but maybe she doesn't want to tell You the real reason. Like sometimes humans heart plays tricks. For some time it all goes well and then one day You start to stop caring and just feel completely different, not caring. Because if she's crying when she's saying that "she must do it", it makes me think that she really don't want to hurt You and it's hard for her as well.
I'd say that You'd move on, I know it is hard and it's painful but in this case, that's best You can do.

[MerryH]

There are so many things wrong with your last post. Wow.

You are not going out with a model. You met someone online who said they were a rich, smart model. I don't know what kind of proof you demanded (weird to demand things from a complete stranger, by the way) but I think it would be foolish of you to have complete faith in whatever this person tells you. It's probably a man or a 45 year old bored mother of 5. But okay, fine, let's say she is who she says she is. Cool! You met a catch! And the first thing you do is tell your ex about it. That ex who completely doesn't want to be with you and who doesn't miss or love you anymore. Yeah.

And your ex-girlfriend actually got jealous because you chatted with a "model" over a game of WoW, or whatever? Ridiculous. Sorry, but you both sound a little off. Maybe work on yourself with the goal of not acting like a basket case anymore, then you can start thinking about being in a relationship.

[robert82]

You are not going out with a model. You met someone online who said they were a rich, smart model. I don't know what kind of proof you demanded (weird to demand things from a complete stranger, by the way) but I think it would be foolish of you to have complete faith in whatever this person tells you. It's probably a man or a 45 year old bored mother of 5.

I am not that stupid. Of course I did not believe it at first but as I said, the proof is stong - we had a long webcam conversation and she sent me links to some newspaper articles with her photos. One and the same person.

And of course I talk to my ex still. Should I not do that? Why is this supposed to be a secret that I met a model when playing an online game? (It was a board game, by the way)

I will see where all this goes.

[MerryH]

And of course I talk to my ex still. Should I not do that? Why is this supposed to be a secret that I met a model when playing an online game? (It was a board game, by the way).

That's great that you can still talk to your ex and have a healthy friendly relationship with her (you don't, though.) It's just that telling exes about new relationships should probably be handled delicately so as to not hurt anyone's feelings. It doesn't have to be a secret, but you don't have to take a promising new relationship and use it to rub your ex's nose in it. That's just childish.

Good luck, though. Do keep us posted.

[calisurfjump]

I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles, I'm going through a bad breakup too. Mine was a bit of a surprise too, we had our fights and ups and downs. DONT blame yourself, you are not stupid nor an idiot. I've come to realize that there are many troubled individuals out there, who don't know what they want. My ex dumped me over the phone after leaving to go to work his PT job 70 miles away. We were together for 1.5 years, friends for 3. Less than 36 hours later I find (via a mutual friend) out he's in a relationship with a girl, gay here btw. So, I too feel like an idiot too, feel used, betrayed, and like a freaking moron. What can I do? Feel sorry for my self/yourself...remember the poem: ' I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.' You most likely fell in love with a sociopath, like my ex. These people crave turmoil and new emotional highs. Once the relationship starts to enter a steady rythm, they freak out and seek the next emotional high. Just like a drug addict...they are chasing the dragon. And that beast is the emotional high they feel when they are in a new relationship. Be grateful this happened early on in your relationship, not 10 years from now when youre married. Keep your chinup, take it one day at a time and things will get better. You sound like an amazing guy, by the way, and you will met an amazing girl. This pain you feel will pass. Take time off for yourself, and day-by-day things will get better.

[Gratedwasabi]

I am not that stupid. Of course I did not believe it at first but as I said, the proof is stong - we had a long webcam conversation and she sent me links to some newspaper articles with her photos. One and the same person.

And of course I talk to my ex still. Should I not do that? Why is this supposed to be a secret that I met a model when playing an online game? (It was a board game, by the way)

I will see where all this goes.

You're being scammed. It's a really common one, too. She's going to want, and get, money from you. Probably all you have. That's why she said she was rich, it removes suspicion of her wanting money. You. Are. Being. Scammed. She may be gorgeous, she may even **** you, but she's going to take your shit, dude, and you won't stop it.

Also, girls always have a reason. Always. They just don't always share what it really is.