Being away from girlfriend

[bc3499]

Hi,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months. We have to spend about 2 weeks apart (due to college break). I've been missing her a lot and was wondering if you have any advice on how I can lessen the pain of her being away.

I also have a tendency to think negatively (e.g. over-thinking what I said to her and wondering if she doesn't like me anymore, etc.). Any advice on how to start thinking more positively about the relationship? I'm sure all my negative thoughts are unfounded by sometimes I can't help but think that way.

Thanks!

[TheScottj]

Hello,

I know how you feel bro, Best advice is this. Keep yourself busy, do hobbies, set yourself goals, study, shop, hang with friends. Try to just keep yourself busy as much as possible. For example do a research paper for fun, depending on your subject. Set yourself a Goal on the "Xbox / PC / PS3 etc" consoles with a game you enjoy. Make sure it is hard and will take time and effort to do.

When ever you are having negative thoughts, talk to a friend about something else. Or remind yourself you have better things to do then worry. Just don't message her or phone her a lot. This can probably cause a negative effect on the realtionship. About 4 texts a week, asking how things are and such should be enough.

Regards,
Scott

[wellami]

Couldn't agree more with Scott. That's great advice.

I've also found that when I'm apart from my girlfriend (we often go weeks without seeing each other) I can get really negative and over-think, so I know exactly where you are coming from. Some of the things we do include making sure we've arranged something special for when we do get together so we both have something to look forward to, and setting up one night during the fortnight where we will do something like watch the same film at the same time, and text or web-cam each other as we are watching.

I also find one danger when you are apart and relying on things like texts, email etc. is that it is really easy to misread the emotions behind them. They are great for a quick "thinking of you" (but as Scott says, not too often!) but lousy for anything else. Make sure you have at least one actual phone call over that time so you can hear each other. Also, although this might sound a bit artificial, one thing I've done to try and overcome the negativeness is I write down all the great things about my girlfriend and our relationship on little bits of card and scatter them around the house, in my wallet etc. It's great to just walk into a room and be reminded of something and it tends to stop me even beginning to think negative thoughts.

I'd also echo Scott about talking to a friend - when you over-think like we do, the worst thing you can do is bottle up and keep going over and over the same ground in your head. No matter how wrong you are, do that for a few days and you'll be firmly convinced you're right and no power on earth will ever change your mind. It's a dangerous path. I've found sometimes even just writing a letter/email which explains why I'm feeling the way I am gets it straight in my head and can help me move on. I never send the letters, I just write them. And then shred them just to make sure nobody else sees them! I'd be too embarrassed - most of the time when I write these letters it makes it clear just how much of an idiot I'm being worrying about silly little things.

Good luck with the two weeks ahead but remember it is only two weeks, and actually it'll fly by. And one of the great things about being apart is when you do get together again, it's that little bit more special.

[bc3499]

Thanks for the replies! So I shouldn't text her much? Throughout our relationship, we usually text continuously throughout the day. I have been trying to text less now that she's away for a bit but it's hard because I want to be in contact with her. We talk on the phone every few days as well. So is texting her every day unhealthy? I just don't want her to think I don't like her if I don't text her.

[wellami]

I wouldn't say "don't text her much". I'd say don't massively increase the number of texts a day just because you are apart. If texting everyday is normal then carry on doing it. It's good that you talk on the phone every few days as well. I'd just say carry on with your normal level of communication and follow Scott's advice about distracting yourself when you start to overthink. It's when you are constantly texting her and she isn't texting back that it might become a problem, or if you are texting her just because you are overthinking things. If that isn't the case and she is as interested in this level of communication as you are then go with it. It certainly sounds like she wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to her so that's a great sign.

[xxazurexx]

To want constant communication with someone IMO, is unhealthy. And there is nothing worse than an insecure, clingy, needy, demanding, desperate person.....

Try getting a life outside of her.