Now I'm really pissed off at him. Sorry followed by a BUT doesn't count as sorry.

[girl68]

Story:

Dinner 2 nights ago. Sister asked what color the wedding would be. Responded didn't know. But I really wanted black bridesmaids dresses. She shreiked saying "you can't black is bad luck!" ok, whatever I was less than thrilled. Then finace pipes in... no we're not. No way, nope nuh uh. Umm okay. I say "Ok, we'll see. Let's talk about this later". He goes on and on Nope, we're not going to talk, no you will not have black. There will be some things you don't like and will axe them too this is mine, NO BLACK. I keep saying we'll see, lets talk about this at home in private. He just keeps shaking his head. This does not make me happy. Actaully I'm straight up pissed off. Don't do this in public in front of your family. Don't axe what I really want just like that with little respect or regard. Fair would be to have a discussion at home.

*a week or so prior* was the first time I mentioned black dresses. I knew he wasn't thrilled about it, but I said I'll show you it's prettier than you're thinking, take a look at some pictures then we'll talk some more. He still wasn't impressed but he seemed open to the possibility. He agreed to look at the pictures.

Then last night:
I walk into the computer room and say I want to talk about how dinner went, specifically when I was asked about the wedding and your reaction. I explain that I was upset my dress choice was not considered at all, we won't even talk about it and that he just veto'd me and sorta put me to shame in front of his family. I wanted my choices to be considered or his reasons to be explained. Didn't think that's too much to ask for. I told him I can compramise. I told him it was less about the color of the dress itself and more HOW he talked to me. He said "I'm sorry... BUT" this is his but:

"You should have known! I don't react strongly to many things but black dresses is one of them. I don't understand why you need to know why!? It doesn't matter why! I don't want it, so we're not having it. You shouldn't have to ask why you should just accept that I feel strongly about it and that be it. And I don't understand how you could have NOT known I was still open to the idea after the first time you mentioned it. I hated it and said no then. I only said I'd look at the dresses becasue I was being nice. I was never ever going to consider it."

Whoa... yeah. That was not what I was expecting. I honestly had no idea when I first mentioned it that was his version of a "strong reaction". And he sure *seemed* open to at least a discussion. I told him sorry for misreading his intital reaction. To hwich he responded: "I don't know how the hell you could have mistaken that". Seriously guys, I don't know where I went wrong.

This no black thing would be a lot easier to swallow if he'd given me a reason I could understand. Instead he just freaked out. Now I don't get black dresses NOR a reason why.

I'm really hurt, and very upset. And it's not becasue I don't get my dreamy dresses, it's his complete lack of consideration and explanation!

Shit, thanks for reading if you did.

[sweetkissesforu]

its your big day typically it is you who arranges bridesmaids dresses not him

[Sonrisa]

girl, honestly, if he is that adamant about black dresses and has expressed it previously, i'd stay away from that subject. you know how they say man are from mars, there are some things that we'll never understand about them and no need to even try.

[Sonrisa]

its your big day typically it is you who arranges bridesmaids dresses not him

WHAT? and it's not a big day for him?

[girl68]

girl, honestly, if he is that adamant about black dresses and has expressed it previously, i'd stay away from that subject.

Well I admit I must have grossly mis interpreted his first reaction I admitted that to him and also said sorry in that respect. But am I really so idiot as to want to know WHY? And I know based on last night I'm never gonna know, but I'm still pretty upset and now completely confused.

I will not be asking for black again that I can promise but I'm effin' pissed off how it all went down.

[girl68]

WHAT? and it's not a big day for him?

For the record I agree, he should have some say. But if there is a disagreement, we should TALK. No?

[hello1]

I can understand why he would not want black at the wedding but the way he went about it was a unfair. Make a scene in private, not in public.

[Sonrisa]

i have noticed that sometimes it's better to just put issues behind you and not dicuss it again. you got his point about the black dresses and there will be many more situations like that. be ready and understanding.

[Sonrisa]

I can understand why he would not want black at the wedding but the way he went about it was a unfair. Make a scene in private, not in public.

since it's his family it's not public to him. for example i more likely to embarass myself in front of my family then someone else's.

[girl68]

This was in a public resturant. I would never put down his ideas in front of his family NOR mine. A discussion in our home would take place. Either way this isn't about having black dresses, what if I said pink and he did the same thing. It doesn't matter what colour I had picked out as a favorite.

[sookie6]

Mybe I'm seeing too much into it...could be that his reaction is not so much about the black dress but in the light of an imminent marriage he must be feeling some anxiety about the way you both handle disagreements...in his mind it's possible that the black dress issue made him realise you won't always have the same opinion about things and that you are strong and opinionated...in other words it's hard for you to give up an idea when you feel stronglt about it (which is also part of your appeal I would think so)

Like most men he sometimes needs to feel that he is charge and that his view weighs heavy in the household...think about the future and the way you'll both work as a team when moving into a new house, having children, their education etc...he will need to retain some control in order to feel respected and valued...I think if you can and if it's not too much of a stretch of character for you, you should let go from time to time.

[Gratedwasabi]

This was in a public resturant. I would never put down his ideas in front of his family NOR mine. A discussion in our home would take place. Either way this isn't about having black dresses, what if I said pink and he did the same thing. It doesn't matter what colour I had picked out as a favorite.

Hmm. I dunno, 68, it sounds rather strange. I can't fathom why he'd take such a hard-line approach and refuse to explain it. Very bizarre behavior. You say he's never been superstitious before, has he pulled the "I don't even need to explain it to you" crap before?

He definitely did have a little freakout there so there's obviously something about black dresses and weddings that freaks him out, I dunno.

[vashti]

All this drama over a stupid dress these girls are unlikely to ever wear again.

Seriously, is it worth it?

Forget about the dresses. This day isn't about who's wearing what color, anyway.

[girl68]

No, he doesn't normally freak out like this with ZERO explanation. His reason this time was that I should have known from his first reaction it was No then. But he didn't say No then, so I was not assuming No, I was assuming "possibly". And I explicitly apologized for grossly misinterpreted that reaction. So I'm still lost!

This is one of the first times he has done wrong and I've been the one to confront him. Most often it's me who has done wrong and he explains and I apologize or whatever. It does seem a bit WTF reacation on his part.

This sucks.

[girl68]

All this drama over a stupid dress these girls are unlikely to ever wear again.

Forget about the dresses. This day isn't about who's wearing what color, anyway.

I think you missed the part where I said this isn't even about the dresses anymore. I've given up on black long before I ever even walked into the computer room to talk.

I even told him it's not even "WHAT" anymore, it is "HOW".