Why would a woman do this?

[tj1978]

I am in a situation that I cannot for the life of me make any sense of. Maybe because I am a guy, I do not know.
In a nutshell:

This girl was a good friend for many years and we semi crossed the friend line. I was willing to press full steam and made no secrets that I was. It felt so right and she agreed with me but, she was hesitant to go full steam, saying that good things come to those who wait. We have maintained distant contact (Texting basically every 30 days on average) but, I seriously am at my wits end. I got angry because it wasn't progressing and she let me on to the fact that she has been dating but is not with anyone. I then proceeded to say that, I am just gonna go date other people then. She replied, That I have a lot to offer......So at that moment in time, I said, that is it. I really do not care if I ever talk to her again because I was mad that a good friend could not give me the courtesy to say that she was gonna date other people, KNOWING that I had the strongest of feelings for her. I even told her that I wanted to marry her and her reply was, How do you know that you want that. I replied, everything with you feels 100% right. She said, I totally agree. So that is the words that have kept me hanging on for so long. about 1 1/2 to be honest. I said I was gonna date others 2 months ago and decided that I was not gonna text or talk to her ever again......What happened? She is still texting me. On Thanksgiving. Christmas. My birthday.....What the heck? Must I seriously say, LEAVE ME ALONE for her to understand that if she doesn't want something with me then she should not have any contact with me. Do girls seriously think that they are doing a guy a favor by letting him down easy? Why not respect your decision and let go? I DON'T GET IT. This is seriously what is making it so damn hard to turn the page. Deep down, I don't want to turn the page and I feel she doesn't want to let me go for fear that ONE DAY, she will regret it.....Is this how you women think?......have you ever done this? Any light that could be shed on this would be very helpful.




Thanks in advance

[gigigi4]

I think that you came on too strong in the beginning telling her that you wanted to marry her, etc. when you guys weren't even a couple yet. I understand that your feelings were strong, but this could easily scare her from starting the relationship. She may have had some feelings for you but did not come close to having the degree of commitment/decisiveness that you felt- maybe she would have liked to "test the waters," try casually dating or something, or she was not ready to take the next step but doesn't want to lose your friendship- a valid fear, because you seem to not want any contact with her at all now that it's clear she's not wanting a romantic relationship with you. If you want any chance of ever being with her in the future, I think you could try to reach out and reply if she texts you- the texts are an indication that she misses having you in her life. Then move slowly back to being friends and see if something gradually develops. Or just move on, focus on your own interests, and start to date other people when you're ready.

[smackie9]

You were still in the friends zone. You both may have stepped over the friends line but that just makes you a cuddle b itch. When they start saying you have so much too offer (someone else), that's is saying I'm not interested in you. She's a girl, she doesn't understand why things can't just go back to the way they were before. Guys and girls are totally wired differently dude, that's why all the confusion. So I'm going to explain it to you right now. Girls can be emotionally attached to a guy, without being sexually attracted to them. When a guy gets attached, he see opportunity for something more. For a girl she gets your attention to fulfill her emotional needs until she finds a BF. The way I see it, you can't come out and be honest with her either. You DO have to tell her not to contact you anymore. Tell her you cannot be friends because you have feelings for her and you already have enough friends.

Tip: never be friends with someone you want to date. You are a friend to them because you are not BF material or they would have pursued you. Being friends and hoping to date them someday is a coward's way of trying to finding a GF. You meet someone you like, ask them out.