Need a guys opinion on this please!!

[bumblebee21]

Hi guys

Im new to the the forum and very much hoping you can help me!

About 6 months ago a new guy came to work in my office. We clicked at once and quickly became very close friends. He confided in me about some very personal stuff and I found I could do the same with him. We are both in longterm relationships so although we used to occasionally flirt and tease eachother we both knew that was as far as it could go. He is very much in love with his gf and I love my bf.
Anyway, I enjoyed the friendship, it was lovely having someone I could really open up to as im a very private person normally and find it really hard to talk to people.
Then a couple of people at work noticed how close we were and started rumours that I fancied him. I assured him that the rumours were untrue and he seemed cool about it and told me not to worry. Since then though the friendship has been a bit up and down.. one minute he would be friendly and affectionate, the next acting like he didnt really want much to do with me??
He went really cold on me just before christmas and we didnt speak at all over the christmas period. i was off work and although i txt him a couple of times i never received replies. I mentioned this to a colleage when returned and she said that was odd as he had mentioned me non stop while i was off?
Now is is acting perfectly nice towards me but things are just 'different' and i cant put my finger on it. He used to come and chat to me all the time at work wheras now he hardly does. He hasnt been out to lunch with me all week either, he would always ask me to lunch before.
Also i was a bit worried today that i might get moved to another location and i rang him to discuss it and he said 'well wouldnt that be better for you to work there'. If he thought anything of me surely he wouldnt agree with me being moved somewhere else.
Im just not sure what to do. I want my friend back, i miss having someone to confide in. I used to be able to talk to him at any time whereas now i feel like im bugging him.
Is this friendship saveable or should i forget it and move on?

just to add to this... he has mentioned on a few occasions that his gf doesnt like us being friends as she sees me as a threat. On one occasion she was even threating to contact me (she didnt). At the time he didnt see it as a problem and told me that he still wanted to be friends and that he wasnt going to let his gf control him. I wonder now if she has suddenly become an issue??

[BeneathTheSun]

Yes. She has become an issue. The fact that he is off and on again is that he has mixed feelings about this entire ordeal. His true self wants the friendship but it is resulting in so much problem with his girlfriend that just thought your friendship wasn't worth the shit he had to take from her. And since you are not "available" he figured he had more to loose by not agreeing with his girlfriend.

If it makes you feel any better, his relationship with his girlfriend is BAD and will probably end so, once he had two women, soon he will have none.

A rule of thumb is that if he is the one that has been moving away from the friendship, he needs to be the one that comes back. "The one that is less intrested in a social relationship holds all the power" so he will take you for granted if you continue to reach out to him and get nothing back.

[Yet another guy]

I would be inclined to guess that his girl friend has become an issue. Maybe she is jealous and has even made an ultimatum. Another possibility is that he has suddenly developed feelings for you but wants to stay with his girl friend. Such feelings would make your friendship impossible. To find out if your friendship is saveable, you should talk about this with him. If he isn't willing to talk about it you should just move on. Don't you have a boy friend to confide in?

[bumblebee21]

Hi, thanks for the replies.

I have discussed this with my bf yes, he suggested i give the guy some space and dnt keep chasing him. Which i have been doing.
I dont think he has developed feelings for me as he has never given this impression, like i said although he is perfectly nice to me at work he doesnt go out of his way to speak to me like he used to when we were good friends. i hope this is not the case though as i know from experience that friendships always go bad at this point.
He does have a bad relationship from what he has told me, in fact its an abusive relationship, he used to talk to me about it alot before as he had no one else to talk to but now he doesnt mention it and if i ask him how things are he just says 'fine'.
Maybe i will just continue to keep my distance a little and see how things go over the next week. See if he comes round a little??