Moving in with girlfriend

[mikeyboy]

Hi, I'm not sure if this topic belongs in this category, but anyway:
I got engaged to my girlfriend over the summer and she is my best friend and the love of my life. We plan on having a long engagement and are talking about getting an apartment together soon but we're afraid our parents have a strong opinion against the idea. Even though both sets of our parents love us and approve of our relationship, her parents would be against it because they're religious and wouldn't approve of living together before we're married and my parents have old fashioned values. I'm 22 and she's 23 so we're both plenty old enough to leave home and make a decision like this but can't seem to find the words to tell our parents that we don't want to wait till we're married to move in together. Any words of advice of what we should say to our parents?

[Boisdevie]

You are both grown up adults. You do not need your parents approval and if they don't like the way you live your lives then it's for them to deal with. Just tell them.

[Kaius]

If you are gonna live a "married" life, why not just get married now instead of a long engagement and living together? You two are still very young, so there is a risk that you will break up during the time you live together before marriage (according to statistics). Nothing wrong with living together when you are in a committed relationship, but why not just nail it down unless there is some doubt? If there is doubt, why even bother being engaged?

[xxazurexx]

I think that long engagements are a good idea rather than just rush in, get married and in a years time, find out that you were not really 'that' compatible after all...then it's too late, you are married!
The divorce rate might not be so high and if people waited a while longer than they do and get to know their partner further. To be assured further that this is the person they want to spend their lives with and before they make such a big committment, so I think you are wise to wait.

As for living together. I am a person that has always and does what I want to do, it's MY life. If I was your age, I'd have likely gone off and just moved in with a guy if that is what I wanted too do and despite if my parents disagreed - you are old enough to make your own decisions and old enough to know what you are doing and want to do.

Whether it's the right or wrong choice...who knows. Risk you take I guess.

[smackie9]

You definitely want to try out the "married life" first. Dating someone and living with someone are two different ball games. It will really put your patience to the test.
I reccomend you keep your finances separate, and no joint account. Just pay the bills 50-50 between you two whatever is left over is YOUR own to spend how ever you want. I've been living with my guy for almost 12 years, been as a couple for 21 years. We don't
share any accounts, so we never fight over money...that is the root of most couples arguments is money. Just my two cents....no pun intended.

[RockNRoll]

Just say, that you have made you decisions already. So have a talk, not a discussion. Do what you want to do. Just ask them to be supportive and help them to see your point.
Remind that you are adults now and have your own values, opinions and need to make your own choices.
I would expect your both sets of parents to be calmed down by the fact that you are engaged (how long do you plan till marriage??) and I guess they'd rather prefer you to live together for a little while like that, rather than rush into marriage for the wrong reasons and in the worst case scenario get divorced.
Good luck!

[HeartIsAching]

You're an adult. Face it like one. Who are you marrying, your girlfriend, or her parents?

Oh and, they WILL forgive you when you marry her.

[VincenzoG91]

There are three phases in life:

1. Growing up.
2. Breaking away.
3. Settling down.

You two should move in together.

[OkieDokie]

Here is what I did. Wife and I dated for 4yrs( in college most of that time). Got engaged and bought a house when we were 24. Married at 25/26. We thought this would give us time to grow together and I think it did. It was a real eye opener when we moved in together, I would definetly recommend it. My parents thought it was a good idea but her parents weren't happy but said we're adults so we're gonna do what we're gonna do and they got over it and actually liked it since my wife was the last one to leave thier house.

BUT, I'll leave you with this, we're getting divorced after 2-3yrs of marriage. She just said she doesn't love me anymore and we've grown apart, and she was cheating. So really, no matter what you do if you don't work on your relationship ( admittingly we didn't) it's not going to work.