My boyfriend wont stand up for me. What should I do ?

[touchtraitor]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, recently I found out that his so called Best Friend has been trash talking me
and saying that my boyfriend would be better off without me. I've told my boyfriend what his friend has been saying
and my boyfriend said he would talk to his friend about it and get him to either apologize or stop being so mean to me.
It's been about 3 months since I found out, and my boyfriend hangs out with that guy and still hasn't said anything to him!
What should I do? Is there anything more I can say to make boyfriend do anything about it
Or should I just break up with him because he doesn't care about how I feel?

[jgreenfield53]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, recently I found out that his so called Best Friend has been trash talking me
and saying that my boyfriend would be better off without me. I've told my boyfriend what his friend has been saying
and my boyfriend said he would talk to his friend about it and get him to either apologize or stop being so mean to me.
It's been about 3 months since I found out, and my boyfriend hangs out with that guy and still hasn't said anything to him!
What should I do? Is there anything more I can say to make boyfriend do anything about it
Or should I just break up with him because he doesn't care about how I feel?

wow, this is close to my situation too. See my girlfriend and my best freind hate eachother. Its so hard to deal with and i think that my girlfriend is mad at me because of this once in awhile but the hard part is, i have known my best friend for way longer than my girlfreind that i just recently started going out with. So sometimes it makes me look like im trying to back up my best friend when i just dont want either of them to be arguing with eachother. He has hurt her feelings a few times just by the comments he made, even though he probably didnt mean it like in a bad way but he can be an asshole at times. This is a really hard situation and i would like to hear what can be done.

[DarkHelmet82]

how do you know he hasnt said anything?

[touchtraitor]

I ask him every time he hangs out with that guy and he always says "I'm going to do it soon"

We used to all hang out together but ever since i heard that his friend has been saying shit about me, I haven't wanted to hang out with him until my boyfriend talks to him.

I dont want him to fight with his friend, I just want him to ask his friend why he says shit about me, and to tell his friend that it's not okay to talk shit about me.
I'm his girlfriend, and no matter what his friend says nothing will change that.
I just want him to be a man and stand up for me...
Do you think that the fact that he doesnt stand up for me means that he doesnt really care about me?

I'm so confused!

[jgreenfield53]

I ask him every time he hangs out with that guy and he always says "I'm going to do it soon"

We used to all hang out together but ever since i heard that his friend has been saying shit about me, I haven't wanted to hang out with him until my boyfriend talks to him.

I dont want him to fight with his friend, I just want him to ask his friend why he says shit about me, and to tell his friend that it's not okay to talk shit about me.
I'm his girlfriend, and no matter what his friend says nothing will change that.
I just want him to be a man and stand up for me...
Do you think that the fact that he doesnt stand up for me means that he doesnt really care about me?

I'm so confused!

Not at all, he does care about you. I am the guy in the middle of all this and i feel like you guys are basically saying pick either one of us, you cant have both. I say this because if he stands up to his friend, it will not end well. They most likely will not hang out again because of this problem. He probably tells his friend to please not say anything anymore because they still want to be friends but not get in the way with his relationship with you. I really can see the point of view in your eyes and it does seem hard to deal with. Very difficult situation.

[touchtraitor]

I'm not telling him to pick between us, he just has to confront the situation. He cant keep avoiding it.... nothings going to improve until the situation has been brought up ... cause then we can figure out a way to deal with it.

It really seems like his friend is way more important to him than I am...

[Stillits]

Is it possible that the friend feels like you have taken over his place and spends too much time with your bf compared to him?

I don't know really. I've been in somewhat of the same situation, with my bf's friend not really liking me a lot. He was always not talking english around me (we're different countries) and making fun of me - this guy is also kind of an asshole sometimes, his other friends also says that. This summer we went on a festival, me with my boyfriend and 8 other of his friends and it was all good times. I was walking around and watching concerts and whatnot mostly with my boyfriend, but our music taste differs a bit and we went to different places so that friend could get quality time with my boyfriend, and they also just hung out the two of them while I talked to some other of their friends. The last night we all got drunk and this guy started trashtalking my bf and I and our relationship and making foul comments about us, and my boyfriend had enough and they actually got into a fight. So yeah, my bf stood up for me but I do not really fancy spending time with this friend because I'd rather not spend my time with people who don't like me at all and don't even try to be polite about it.
My bf still talks to this friend now, after having had a few troubles after the incident.

I don't know what cause this. Maybe he is indeed jealous you're taking up time with your bf - is it only this one friend not liking you?

[vashti]

His friend is entitled to his opinion. If he isn't bringing this up every single time they hang out, I think you should mind your own business, and let them have their own friendship.

And stop nagging your boyfriend. he isn't your lawyer.

[the_robot]

If you have a problem with someone stand up for yourself.

[xxazurexx]

^Too right. If you are being bad mouthed OP....go see the guy yourself!

[warriormaiden]

I agree with the two previous posters. Why can't you say anything? I know it's HIS friend, and really he should bring it up. But since your boyfriend is obviously not going to say anything, why can't you approach him about it?

Don't go at him like you're about to know his head off. Just calmly, politely say 'I've been hearing some things that I don't appreciate. And I would like to know why you feel this way about me."

[SelflessnHumble]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, recently I found out that his so called Best Friend has been trash talking me
and saying that my boyfriend would be better off without me. I've told my boyfriend what his friend has been saying
and my boyfriend said he would talk to his friend about it and get him to either apologize or stop being so mean to me.
It's been about 3 months since I found out, and my boyfriend hangs out with that guy and still hasn't said anything to him!
What should I do? Is there anything more I can say to make boyfriend do anything about it
Or should I just break up with him because he doesn't care about how I feel?

I ask him every time he hangs out with that guy and he always says "I'm going to do it soon"

We used to all hang out together but ever since i heard that his friend has been saying shit about me, I haven't wanted to hang out with him until my boyfriend talks to him.

I dont want him to fight with his friend, I just want him to ask his friend why he says shit about me, and to tell his friend that it's not okay to talk shit about me.
I'm his girlfriend, and no matter what his friend says nothing will change that.
I just want him to be a man and stand up for me...
Do you think that the fact that he doesnt stand up for me means that he doesnt really care about me?

I'm so confused!

I'm not telling him to pick between us, he just has to confront the situation. He cant keep avoiding it.... nothings going to improve until the situation has been brought up ... cause then we can figure out a way to deal with it.

It really seems like his friend is way more important to him than I am...

Look, you are completely entitled to your opinion AND how you feel...The fact you don't like it when HIS
friend bad mouths you makes you feel uncomfortable SHOULD be a priority for your Boyfriend to send
a clear cut message that his girl deserves respect and IF he values his friendship with your boyfriend: he would in turn
respect his friend's wishes to STOP talking shit about you and your relationship...

The truth is the reason why this so called friend talks shit:
(1) He is jealous of you
(2) He likes you (and you may have rejected his advance at one point) no matter how subtle it might have been

Anyway, YES this is a problem BUT you have to also respect how your boyfriend chooses to handle it.
Even worse: You have allowed this stupid situation to go one for 3 entire months?

If it really bothered you: you would have confronted this friend yourself: not put it all on your Boyfriend, make sense?
He may suck at confrontation...If this is the case, you need to tell him you want a man of action and principle, not a pussy.

He may not be the right type of man for you and this is O.k because you cannot make people be how you expect them to be: This is selfish of you. Respect how and who he is: and then if he still refuses to address your concerns: A break up is in order. Simple.

[SuwonSweety]

Does the boyfriend at least change the topic? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's too bad many don't have better judgement on how to use it.

[cammotwin]

I would like to know exactly what it is the friend is saying. Is it to other people? Is it to your boyfriend in response to something you have done?
My boyfriend thinks you shouldn't ever say anything to anyone that could be taken as 'talking shit' on your mate. I think its total crap. I need to talk to my best friend about whats going on in my life and yes that includes my boyfriend.

[Regnent]

I agree with robot 100%. If you're the one with the problem, go stand up for yourself. You did right by telling your bf that you didn't like it, and he's (you assume) chosen to not do anything about it. Next step is, do it yourself.
You don't need to like his friend. He doesn't need to like you.
You need to be able to address that on your own though. You find it unfair that your bf's not sticking up for you, he thinks it's unfair that he needs to turn on his friend.

I've had two very similar situations, with two very different outcomes.

I had one friend having discussions with other friends of the same circle, talking about my gf(wife) and how we shouldn't be together. He even went so far as to tell her that people like her shouldn't be with people like me.
This friend at the time, had been seeing a girl some of us didn't approve of either. We never told him or his gf how we felt about it, it was none of our business.
I called him, told him it was none of his business, he had crossed a line, and I wouldn't be speaking to him again. I never spoke to him again. (This was one of my two best friends, like a real friend, not a buddy)
One of the other friends, more on my wifes side, she delt with him. She hasn't spoken to him either.

My -other- friend told me face to face one day, that he didn't approve of my/our choices (children and my selection of gf/wife) outright. He thought it was a mistake.
He also said, that this was the one and only time he would say anything about it.
I still talk and visit this friend. My wife still talks to him on occasion too.


I didn't stand up for my wife, I stood up for -my- choices.
You're either going to have to stand upto your BF or his friend if it bothers you. It's his friend, and his choice. You need to make your own choices.