I don't know why I'm missing him so much lately

[ashley89]

it has been almost a month! I feel like I was doing alot better at the beginning when it first happened. and now all of a sudden, it's hitting me bad. and I'll be ok when I'm out or focusing on other things but then the missing part comes back. I just feel empty and alone and it sucks so bad. why do I miss him when he was such an ass and I know I'm better off? that's the annoying part, the fact that I know I'm better off. and I see now that maybe we really weren't meant to be for each other. so why can't I just feel better and move on already

[SelflessnHumble]

it has been almost a month! I feel like I was doing alot better at the beginning when it first happened. and now all of a sudden, it's hitting me bad. and I'll be ok when I'm out or focusing on other things but then the missing part comes back. I just feel empty and alone and it sucks so bad. why do I miss him when he was such an ass and I know I'm better off? that's the annoying part, the fact that I know I'm better off. and I see now that maybe we really weren't meant to be for each other. so why can't I just feel better and move on already

It's totally understandable that you feel this way, Ashley...Truth is: it's really not *him* you're missing, it's what you shared, what you invested and the fact you
allowed someone into your life: which then becomes a part of you...So, when it comes time to part ways: a piece of you is left in limbo and you feel like that part of you
envelops all that you do so that the feelings are tied to that piece. Do you talk to yourself? I don't mean argue with yourself, but talk to yourself (thoughts in your mind) and stuff like that?

Believe me or not you can manifest NEW physical changes based on new thoughts that will distance yourself from those past feelings you allow to creep up on you when you are most vulnerable.

I wish I could tell you (and bullshit my way into your heart) to tell you that he's not the one...Because I'd be lying if I said that were true!
I mean: right now: he's in a terrible place and he did things he wasn't either fully aware of, nor took responsibility for the how his actions had affected you and the relationship.

Unfortunately we as people invest ourselves into other people we feel (at the time) are worthy of it and who will treat our often fragile but open hearts with the love and care that it needs...
I know how tiring it can be to hear the same old crap, "keep busy" or "time heals all wounds" <----all of which means absolutely nothing when measured against your feelings in the now...I get it.

But: I wouldn't be me if I allowed you to go on feeling lonely and bummed out without doing my part in lifting you up so I'm sending you a life size cardboard cut out of myself fully numbered and autographed
all you have to do is pay the shipping and stuff j/k, but seriously I am going to be famous soon, so it's best to know me now and avoid all the headache once I become world renown...Pm'ing you soon.

[ashley89]

haha you're too funny idk, things just are getting to me bad. also, there was a girl who I became friends with through people he knew, she was a few years younger but always was nice and friendly to me. well, she broke up with her boyfriend today, and I was randomly on her facebook before, and I saw some other girl wrote her a comment saying "you're hot!" and my ex boyfriend liked it. and I don't know why, but it really bothered me... it made me think that he obviously has thought she was hot all along, and I started going down a bad path in my head wondering if he did anything with her or whatever, stupid shit I shouldn't care about and I don't know why I do care about. it just proves how obviously not over this I am, and how depressing my life has become... and I basically wanna give up and die. I've tried hanging out with other guys, I don't like anybody else, and I feel like I'm never gonna find someone else...

[SelflessnHumble]

haha you're too funny idk, things just are getting to me bad. also, there was a girl who I became friends with through people he knew, she was a few years younger but always was nice and friendly to me. well, she broke up with her boyfriend today, and I was randomly on her facebook before, and I saw some other girl wrote her a comment saying "you're hot!" and my ex boyfriend liked it. and I don't know why, but it really bothered me... it made me think that he obviously has thought she was hot all along, and I started going down a bad path in my head wondering if he did anything with her or whatever, stupid shit I shouldn't care about and I don't know why I do care about. it just proves how obviously not over this I am, and how depressing my life has become... and I basically wanna give up and die. I've tried hanging out with other guys, I don't like anybody else, and I feel like I'm never gonna find someone else...

I understand where you're coming from being the product of my own perceived soul mate that not only didn't want me: but seemingly crapped on everything we did together, she started
telling this dude the same things she told me, took him to OUR places (which were really MY places because I had culture) but she basically went everywhere I took her: with this new guy...It really did a number on me...
The she would look at me at times for more than a glance and it would enrage me badly...

The thing is: you have got to understand a few things: namely Facebook...
Social networking sites, online chatting, video and cam streaming are now in the hands of people who aren't all that mentally equipped to see the obvious implications of their actions like say you and I for example
see as red flags, ya know? But I don't mean to shit on his memory but from all that you have told me; he doesn't sound like the best catch nor does he know how to treat a woman, nor has he loved you
unconditionally or even remotely lovingly in a way you more than gave in return. I know that the human body is attractive. I know that the basic fundamental principle of socializing is to:

-see how hot your competition is
-Dress provocative to yield the attention of the opposite sex (and for the same sex to call you a bitch) out of jealousy, of course!
-judge people based on looks, car, watch among other superficial attributes...

You add this all up: and you get "people" that honestly SUCK! I mean there are people that size up all people when they walk around, and comment on their clothes, and their appearance. True, right?

It shouldn't matter what he did with someone else (even if they were with you) in some passive way to use that as a reason to confront them...
Besides that...Your life isn't depressing! Pm incoming... Smile. (btw, what's up with the 2 homer hairs on the smiley?)

[ashley89]

yeah, I realize that it is stupid and I don't even know why it's bothering me. I'm starting to feel so hopeless. and I don't like talking to my friends about it anymore, because I feel like all I keep doing is saying the same things and no one knows what to say anymore. it's not even like I talk about him that much, at least I try not to, but I feel like anytime I bring him up I don't want to annoy them. and I hate crying or getting upset in front of people so I try to just keep everything to myself or come here, this is my last resort! lol

[ashley89]

also I have this new sudden fear that I'm going to run into him in public, and I really don't want see or talk to him at all. I keep worrying that I'm gonna go somewhere and he'll be there, and I won't know how to react or will get upset... this stuff is just so stupid to worry about so I don't know why I can't talk myself out of it. maybe it's cause my period is coming soon...

[jamiegirl19]

i would feel the same way but i think sooner or later tht "first" meeting has to come, i think it'll get easier after tht.

[misombra]

how many threads like this do you need?

[SelflessnHumble]

yeah, I realize that it is stupid and I don't even know why it's bothering me. I'm starting to feel so hopeless. and I don't like talking to my friends about it anymore, because I feel like all I keep doing is saying the same things and no one knows what to say anymore. it's not even like I talk about him that much, at least I try not to, but I feel like anytime I bring him up I don't want to annoy them. and I hate crying or getting upset in front of people so I try to just keep everything to myself or come here, this is my last resort! lol

(1) You know it's stupid.
(2) You also say you "don't even know" why it's bothering you? BUSTED!!!! You know.
(3) You're allowing the ego-dynamic of knowing you were dumped by a nobody (and how he did it eats away at you) which effectively dictates your state of mind NOW, when this happened then....

Not a good choice to make, hun. (hint hint: choice)

The only way out isn't to dig deeper of a hole, I think you know that.
The only way out is to open up about it all, and then to face the truth, to realize what happened:

You allowed yourself to follow his lead, and to wait for confirmation of the inevitable end.
It's like the Egyptians who were protesting: begging for Mubarak's resignation to step down...
The people had won: they didn't need him to step down, but it's the illusion of power, just like the illusion of power
your ex has over you because of the way you choose to see things: as right and wrong.

also I have this new sudden fear that I'm going to run into him in public, and I really don't want see or talk to him at all. I keep worrying that I'm gonna go somewhere and he'll be there, and I won't know how to react or will get upset... this stuff is just so stupid to worry about so I don't know why I can't talk myself out of it. maybe it's cause my period is coming soon...

Part of moving is on is the possibility that you will see him.
If you think that by seeing him all of your old feelings will come rushing back? Newsflash: then this means they are still there! They never went anywhere...
What you did was just redirect them deep inside your heart so you wouldn't have to deal with them for the sake of appearances, while you internalize them. See?

You can't say, "Yeah, I know" then continue to do this and feel better one day, then sad the next: this just proves you're human!
You want to be over him NOW DAMMIT!!!!! Life, feelings and break ups don't work this way. They take time, not because it takes time to heal...no...

It takes time because you need to come to the self realization of the truth: he invalidated you, your feelings, disrespected you, treated you like an emotion-less sperm depository.
When you're in love you fail to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship as you did! So instead of doing this? You followed his lead...

He lead you ashtray and into the deep abyss of cluster****-land.
Now after this truth has been identified: you still give him power by harping over him while he moves on without any indication he gives a shit about you?

This is back asswards ^^^ You're such an amazing person and yet here you are standing on the ledge of "what the **** do I do?" When you have all the tools to move forward...