I can't move on... Will he come back? Is there such a thing as fourth chances?

[flow90]

Apologies for the long post.

My ex has broken up with me 3 times now. Main reason every time is because he loves his freedom too much and can't take being in a relationship. This always led to arguments as he felt too much pressure and couldnt take it, which would obviously upset mw as I felt like I was losing him.
He came back every time cos he claimed he loved me, missed me and didnt want to lose me, and that what we had was special, despite the fact he cant be in a relationship.


We were together for a year, and at the beginning he pursued me and he treated me like an absolute queen, however after about 7 months I think the relationship got a bit much for him. We ended up spending all of our time with eachother and depended on eachother too much, which obviously is not healthy. This led to arguments.... and he broke up with me for the first time in May as we were arguing quite a lot, he felt a lot of pressure from the relationship and couldn't take it any more.

However we kept in contact and in August he said he wanted to try again. We did but it only lasted 2 weeks. I was left completely heartbroken, once again. I was devastated as I thought we could sort out these arguments, but it was too much for him, he told me to leave him alone so I did. I went NC for 3 months (secretly hoping hed want me back), in these 3 months he tried to contact me twice, just to say hello, how r u? etc.


In November we bumped into eachother, and he broke down, cried to me, told me he still loved me, missed me, but said he couldn't be in a relationship. I was in so much shock as I thought he didn't love me any more and I had tried so much for 3 months to put him out of my mind, even though I still loved him. I asked him how can he still love me but not want to be with me, and he just kept saying he didn't want a relationship.

Since then we had been talking nearly every day.... sometimes we'd talk about where we went wrong and whether we could try to make it work again, but he always said he didnt want a relationship and didnt want to hurt me again and risk it going back to the way it was.


However, the first week of january he told me he wanted to take that risk and try again, we discussed our mistakes, and I told him I was going to try to not make him feel so much under pressure, etc... I was so heart broken last time but i still wanted him back, and seeing as we both loved eachother still we decided to try again. But after spending one day together, he decided he couldnt do it as he still doesnt want a relationship, so ended it once again! And breaking my heart once again!

So I've now been 2 weeks NC... I think about him CONSTANTLY... i can't take him off my mind. Secretly im hoping NC will make him miss me... but I don't see him coming back, because when he ended it the last time I asked him 'how can i walk away if u always come back?' and he said 'i wont be coming back next time'.

I realize he has commitment issues and just loves his freedom. But we love eachother so much, and we always said we had never been happier (when we werent arguing of course!). He even wrote me a song and sang it to me the one day we tried to make it work in january. We got on fine, its just that he feels pressure from a relationship... I miss him so much and wish he would come back again...

Any thoughts? Opinions?

Thanks a lot and sorry for such a long post!!

[DarkHelmet82]

how old is he.. it may help

[flow90]

21.. I'm 2 years older. When he ended it he said he just wants to have fun and not have to worry about anyone else and enjoy his last year at university. I get all that, but I don't understand how he could be willing to lose someone he supposedly loves! He could still have his fun, I never stopped him from going out with his friends or anything like that, and he said its not about be able to sleep around.

[DarkHelmet82]

hes young... guys at that age are all about their friends. He doesnt love you if he did he wouldnt be doing things like that.. but what do i know.. im in a bad situation too

[flow90]

Why would he say he does... why would he keep coming back....

Where is your story?

[Michael Fulmer]

Wow, he's putting you through a lot, "flow90."

Have you thought about getting out there and enjoying yourself, without him? You don't have to view it as "finding someone else" at all. I just think with all the negative stuff that has happened for you, you owe it to yourself to see what moving on *might* be like ;-) And really, I don't know all the details of course, but it looks like he is holding all the cards here, doing as he pleases.

Frankly, if I saw my ex was HAPPY and enjoying herself without me, well...that tells me something right? Who knows, maybe you will enjoy yourself so much that you forget all about him =)

[sweetkissesforu]

repeat threads are not going to help it gets kind of spammyish if there is a word lol one thread per a problem lol