Am I being played/tested or is she interested?

[Xtrykr]

Okay, I'm new to this whole dating thing. I'm 28, have a great career, great family and friends, just completely clueless with relationships. I've recently developed an urge to connect with some people, for fun, no strings attached, although, my lack of experience does get the better of me. I'm extremely shy...

Anyhow, my best friend hooked me up with one of his friends from work. It was very abrupt and neither of us saw it coming. To make things worse (I think), my best friend told her first that he is hooking her up with me... He was very direct to her. Leading up to that however, he told her about my hobbies, my character, my looks, etc. I felt that she was almost obligated to respond to him with the "nice" answer, but in any case, she agreed to give it a try... The only thing is, she is as shy and as unexperienced as me (if not maybe even worse, because I think with guys like me, we don't mind doing things blindfolded sometimes...).

What's strange is, I've met this girl before about 5 months back for a coffee break with my best friend. We talked about a wide variety of worldly issues, and it was a nice chat. At that time, I don't think either of us really considered each other for dating (neither of us were in the dating mode, but on the turn of the new year, I did consider - so I was somewhat less shocked I guess?)).

Anyhow, this time around, the engagement is different. She added me to facebook, but she didn't say anything. I just sent her a hello and introduced myself, and she started responding back, started off with very short responses. We chatted a little more, and then she started writing longer and longer responses. I took this as a possible cue that she was interested in me knowing her better?

We both work in the same company but in two completely different departments. If it wasn't for my best friend introducing me to her, I would have no idea who she is (the company I work for employs over 3000 people in the city...). The following day, I added her to my interoffice IM app, and we started chatting alot during work (hope no one from my work is reading this, haha . This went on for about 2 days, then I asked her if she'd be interested in going out for coffee/tea (we both don't drink coffee). She then told my best friend if he can come too, my best friend said no, said she has to deal with it on her own o.O Okay, so she responded back and agreed, we picked a date and time...

The evening before our little meeting, she pm's me on fb and tells me that she can't make it, apologizing and tell me that she is very stressed over some exam and research paper she has to do (she immigrated here about 10 years ago as a student, and is now working towards her citizenship, also, her contract is up with the company in a month... so she's job hunting as well). So I said no problem, but thats when I was fairly direct to her and told her that we can perhaps reschedule to a more convenient time, but also, that if she was not comfortable or not interested in getting to know each other, its understandable and told her don't worry about it). She responded saying that she would reschedule it the next day.

Anyway, next day comes, and she sends me a meeting update, but no new date for the meet... Her response was that her job app was in 2 weeks and that her research paper was due the following, and that she would get back to me in 2.5 weeks once that settles... I said okay (I mean, I just want to get to know her and just befriend her right?).

We continue to just chat online, and it turns out her condo was flooded and that she's really stressed out with the company restoring her joint (they flaked out twice). We find that we do share a lot of things in common, especially with respect to ideals, expectations, and lifestyle. The only thing is, I don't know if shy girls are like this, but there hasn't been once where she initiated a conversation, its always been me? Is that normal? So I asked her if I am asking her too many questions or being annoying, that's when she apologized and said no no, that she is good with me talking to her (is that a genuine response? or just a canned response?).

Anyhow, on Friday, I asked her if we're still good with doing the coffee/tea the coming week. She said she'll try if she is not stressed, but then does a 180 and starts talking about this restaurant that I know of that is very near our workplace - which recently changed owners and is serving different kind of food. She's telling me how great it is and stuff, and then I just told hey, why don't we go there next week? She said ok, sure, if she is not stressed...

We have ran into each other unexpectingly about 4 times in the past week alone. We exchange hellos, but its pretty short, she's with her girl friends, and i'm with my guy friends/colleagues, or we're just walking completely opposite ways and keep passing by each other, which is very strange since we have not ran into each other since 5 months ago...

So, really, its come to the point where this meet is somewhat important to me because I want to see how we click in person/offline. I just want to have some fun, no strings attached, harmless stuff you know since I've never had fun before with another person... If the encounter is positive, I'll ask for her number and from there, do stuff, but I get a feeling she's going to flake on me next week, if so, I'm just going to move on. This is the first girl I've asked out btw... Let me know if I'm being too gentle/easy or being too aggressive. Thank you for spending your precious time reading all of this :}

*Also, want to add that earlier in the week (Tuesday - she told me she was going through some midlife crisis - she might be going back to school to pursue another career - which is contradictory to her "dream" of working for this other company - anyway, I didn't go to deep into that conversation - I stopped talking to her for 3 days, then on Friday, I just hello again, and thats when she like replied really fast and lengthy - so it did feel like she was deprived of my conversations with her)... Also, she is one year older then me.

[smackie9]

You have to give a little attention and then pull back and wait. YOu already saw the results of that so ya you can't be pushy you just have to play it kool and let her come to you. She is stressed, shy and probably have a touch of anxiety so being at her about going out will just add to her anxiety and that's not good. Relax and let her go at her own pace to get to know you. If meeting up alone is too much for her why not go out as part of a group from work? It might put her more at easy and she will feel less pressured.

[Xtrykr]

Hey, she's not interested. Almost fell victim to the whole be only friends zone, which can be quite deceiving. I've moved on.

Next time around, I will give your suggestion a try. But I really don't want to make "more" friends, I have enough great friends to begin with. Looking for relationship material.

Thanks for the response :}