Getting Mixed Signals

[crazymanjj]

Okay, so here's the deal.

Me and my girlfriend of one year broke it off after Christmas. Actually she broke up with me. It was really stupid actually. She had been in contact with her ex and came to be friends with him again. I didn't really care about this since I trusted her, but when she comes home to visit her family from the Coast Guard she starts acting really cold and distant towards me. Her mom and dad pretty much hate me by the way, so I was sure they were just filling her head with all sorts of wonderful ideas about me while she was there. Anyways she never comes to visit me while she's home, not once. But I find out that she went and hung out with her ex several times. Her parents love him btw. So I confronted her about it and she blew up at me telling me that she had been having a terrible holiday and was constantly defending me to her parents and that she couldn't believe that I would think she was unfaithful. So she broke up with me.

It's now two months later and I've pretty much moved on. I still think about her sometimes and we've kept in touch over the phone. I think she hooked up with her ex again after we split up, but I can't verify that and it wouldn't really matter since she's several states away. Everything was going fine and then I get this wierd text from her telling me that 'we need to talk' So I wait for her to call me, because I am not calling her, not going there. And she is really quiet and doesn't say much. And then out of the blue she asks me if I want to come up and stay with her until I get shipped out to the Coast Guard as well. This just blew me away and when I asked her why she would ask something like that she tells me that she's just trying to be nice, when she knows full well that my family would not hesitate to take care of me until I left. So she didn't give me a definite answer that she wants to get back together but I think that is where she is taking this. I mean what kind of person just asks their ex to come and live with them and then says they're just trying to be nice! I'm confused. What do all of you think of the situation?

[Horseyguy]

Not sure it's mixed signals, more like changed her mind.

Maybe it didn't work out with her ex and she's realised she was happier with you??

Big jump though going from dumping you to come live with me.

Sounds like she wants to get back with you or fancies some short term sex. If she was good but you don't want to get back with her go the latter

[BeingAlpha]

If you are expecting her to lay it all out on the table -- it probably won't happen that way. I would DEFINITELY not commit to coming to live with her. What if you get there and its the same crap..at least have a backup plan. If I were you I would just say - I really don't know if I want to do that...not a good idea because she could always argue with the idea -- your wants and needs and feelings are completely un-arguable. They are what they are. I personally could not handle spending that much time with my ex -- especially if she was "just being nice." In your case though -- coming to stay with someone is a pretty big deal -- I don't think her signals here as Horseguy states are mixed - she probably decided that life with you was better than you thought...however, you are going to be shipping out again soon - how long of stretches are you gone for? Long distance is tough -- really tough...but that would be the case with you and ANY girl realistically.

Good luck friend - just think of yourself in this case and protect YOUR interests.

[crazymanjj]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. After a bit of soul searching I've decided to take the plunge and go back to her. I thought that I could move on and find someone else after she left. I almost succeeded in burying my heart, but I can't deny the way she makes me feel. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, parents and exes be damned. I'll make it work or I'll fail horribly, but atleast I'll have tried. Because if I don't I'm afraid I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

So wish me luck!

[carl1222]

Good luck ... you'll probably need it I'm sad to say.