Suffering from extreme anxiety: need help please =S

[Neo(n)]

Hi, I'm having trouble with anxiety problems. I get extreme anxiety when around girls who I find attractive. I always worry if I'm coming across as weird and undesirable and really want them to like me but my anxiety is probably working in the opposite direction.

I can manage to talk to her at work but she only works Sundays and I tend to work in a different part of the store at different times so I find it hard to ever get the chance to talk to her because i find it hard to just make quick comments about what's going on, I have to have a while to warm up to the situation otherwise my mind is just blank of anything to talk about.

I have her on Facebook and want to use that to talk to her outside of work, but the idea of talking to someone over Facebook kind of makes me feel as if I'm giving up on personal socialising because I can't do it, and this plus my anxiety makes it almost impossible for me to talk to her over Facebook.

So what I would like to ask is if anyone has any tips I could use to help calm my anxiety in both personal and social networking situations.

Right now I'm not too fussed if I get rejected I just want to actually talk to her and get over my anxiety =)

Cheers for reading.

[MerryH]

So it's just anxiety around attractive girls? You're fine with everyone else? Then just treat pretty girls the same way you'd treat anyone else. They're no different. They puke and burp and fart just like you do.

If you're not that worried about getting rejected, that should make it a lot easier. Don't worry about sounding stupid, just go for it. Have some courage. Talk about whatever is going on, "warm up" time be damned. Screw it, invent a reason to go to her department and talk to her. Then you can talk to her a little on Facebook (again, invent a reason,) and you probably won't feel so anxious when you see her in person after that.

[Carolyn]

Hi Neo (n),
Anxiety is the thought of what can go wrong. Unfortunately this can cause things to go wrong as we may begin to act 'unnaturally'. We may sweat, have difficulty swallowing, find it hard to find the right words etc, which may make the other person nervous too.
To overcome it take some time each day - at least twice a day to meditate and calm yourself. Once you are in this really relaxed state think of the girl. Maintain the total relaxation. If you get nervous while thinking of her, just relax. With time and lots of practice you will begin to feel more relaxed.
Facebook is a fabulous way to talk to her as well. Do not think for a second it is a cop out, as lots of people use facebook for socializing. It will give you some conversations to start with her in person- after you have been very thorough with your meditation and visualisations of talking to her.
Take some deep breaths and think about the great person you are. I am sure there is people you already talk to without anxiety, wether they are family or mates. Just picture that relaxed state and then drop the image of talking to her in as well. Make sure your body and mind stays very relaxed. Lastly give yourself time. Be very persistant with intense imagery and meditation first.
Carolyn

[Neo(n)]

Cheers for the advice guys.

this thread might kind of seem a little time-wasty now though because i managed to convince myself i wasn't a loser and had a descent conversation with her over facebook yesterday about an hour after posting this.

The thing that helped me is that i knew what i had to do but i didn't believe myself about what i had to do. I found a thread yesterday when looking for advice in other parts of the forum, and the guy had a similar problem to me. so i basically acted as the techer and replied to the thread with what he should do and by doing that i managed to psyche myself up enough that i started a conversation with her.

I have to say im liking the facebook idea, becasue i was literally shaking with anxiety while i was talking to her but becasue it was over facebook i wasn't concerned about her seeing me shaking so it gave me time to calm myself and after a while i was almost totally relaxed and was being myself which made me feel really proud of myself for managing to tackle my anxiety this far =)

I'm gona try the meditation thing as that sounds pretty good and should help calm me down for a personal approach.

I'll try to keep this thread updated with how it all goes because i guess this could help others in the same situation to overcome their anxiety =)

[Hannu]

I suggest seeking help from an NLP Coach or attending an NLP Practitioner course. Just make sure the coach/trainer is licensed by Richard Bandler, the co-creator of NLP.

[Jolicoeur]

Here's a thought: tell her about how you feel. Tell her you have anxiety talking to attractive girls. Ask her not to be upset, because this is something you're struggling with.

If she's not a total bitch, she'll probably find it sympathetic and appreciate your honesty. She'll definitely like the fact that you think she's attractive. And just maybe she'll feel the need to help you with this.

If she is a bitch, she'll laugh it off. But you said you aren't too concerned about being rejected. That's the risk you run with this idea.

[Henry123]

NLP can help. You can also look up cognitive therapy to overcome heavy anxiety issues.

have you just try asking her out for something innocent like lunch or coffee? At least you can see if she hints if she likes you. That way it wont appear as a rejection but just friends hanging out. Take small steps.

With any encounters with a potential girlfriend/boyfriend theres going to be some anxiety. So some of it is normal.