14 years and waiting

[heart14]

I have been in a relationship for 14 years. We have a nine year old son together and I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage. We are not married and he has not ever formally asked me. I am the main provider and do not like being the main provider. I do love him but am 46 and do not want to grow old unmarried and the main provider. I sometimes feel like I am settling. I would like some opinions.

[HeartIsAching]

Here's a thought... try communication with HIM.

[ZachN]

Yep, before asking strangers for advice, maybe you should talk it out with him. If you
have been together for 14 years, you definitely must have something great going on.

All the best

[Kaius]

Did he imply he is never gonna get married? Does he have fear of commitment? I mean, 14 years and a child, you are already married.
The "marriage" will only be for legal/financial reasons...like estate planning, and community property.
There is no point in doing the whole elaborate bridal thing because you have already lived a married life for 14 years.
Just file for a marriage license. If he isn't planning to ask you, just ask him to meet you at the courthouse. That's all you need to do.
If you feel you can do better, it's never too late to leave. No one has to settle these days. You are not too old to find a new life.

[girl68]

Does he work? OR does he just not get paid enough?

[xxazurexx]

14 years is a long time. I once read somewhere that if a man hasn't proposed to a woman within two years, he is unlikely ever to propose to her. I've known people who did get married after a long time together though...not many however.

I sometimes think that when men have it all, the partner, the kids and he's shacked up with her...he has no incentive to marry. He has it all now, so why marry you? What else would he gain and if he married you?

I don't believe there is such thing as a 'committment phobe'. People are afraid of committing to the wrong person.

Could be a case that you are both 'settling' for one another and especially if he won't marry you. Him and because he's become dependant on you because you financially support him and you because you are pissed off supporting this man and are probably feeling very much taken for granted.

[vashti]

He will NEVER marry you, because you have never required it. If what you wanted was to be married, why did you settle for so little? Is this what you would want for your daughter?... to have her wishes completely disregarded?

If I were you, I would pack his bags and tell him to get the hell out if he doesn't consider you marriage-worthy after bringing a child into the world together. This assuming, of course, that you still WANT to marry him after 14 years together.