Am I in a vulnerable position

[happycow]

This is a LD relationship. We know each other by long distance call. He asked me to be his friend, meaning somebody more than friends. He usually rings me and he has a very busy schedule. I seldom ring him. I am currently ill and not employed. I am using all my money on doctors bills, and I told him I have nothing to spare to call him regularly.

I then proposed to call on skype but he said this is not his priorty. He has skpye account and not ready to reactivate it. He suggested me to ring on his mobile for a few seconds and hang up and the number will display on his phone and he will call back. I agreed. But I feel like how come I become so close to him when I don't know too much of him. I feel like giving up myself onto him when I am not ready.

So I think it is better for me to email him or sms him instead of calling on his mobile which is very expensive. His work nature does not allow me to always call him on his landline (long distance). I feel so helpless and I dont want to make myself vulenerable. I know he is not too concerned about finance and willing to pay for me to contact him, but I feel like in the future I should pay him back when I get well and get jobs. May be he does not care if I pay him back, but I care. I don't want him to take advantage of me no matter how much he likes me. I have to like myself first.

But now my financial situation would not allow me to spend a fortune on phone calls, and I am not that eager into him. So may be email would be fine for me. Actually I feel so uncomfortable to just be so close to him that I want the whole thing stop. I don't care if the relationship is still there or not, I just care how happy I am with regards to myself. I really want to look after myself to get back on my feet. But at the same time I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he cares a lot about me. I feel he has strong feelings for me even if he has not even had my photos yet. If I stop the relationship now, it will not make me feel more happy and be able to concentrate on my health more. So I feel I am being forced to accept the relationship and accept his offer given my circumstances. The only thing is, how to make myself feel ok with his offer?

[vashti]

Why are you forcing yourself?

just tell him you have been thinking about it, and you don't have the energy or time required to be involved in any sort of relationship while you are struggling with so many personal problems. (You really DON'T!) Then wish him luck, and hang up.

[smackie9]

Dear you are making a grave mistake hanging onto this one. When there are restrictions placed by him that could be cause for alarm. There's a possibility that he is married or involved with another or several women. His discrete behaviour is a big red flag. You should ditch this relationship because seriously if you take a step back and see it for what it is, it's not a relationship. You shouldn't have to force yourself to accept this. You focus on getting yourself better and rely on the support of friends and family....they are the ones that will be there for you.

[happycow]

Restrictions? What restrictions? If there are restrctions, I would leave him definitely. I would not expose myself to any dangers just for getting someone to love me.

He told me he is divorced and is getting over his ex. He is single and works almost 7 days a week. I still have some feelings for him, though I don't know if they are strong. May be not as strong. Why this is not a relationship when he has he is thinking of me and we talk even during busy times?

And I would not use his offer at all unless it is really really necessary. I suggested using skype, but he refused. He did not consider my priorty. I feel I am being forced to pay for phone bills while there is an alternative for free. But now he offered to pay, I feel relieved of burden. And at the same time, I won't make use of this offer too often. I just feel too cheap. But if I use it, I will pay him back later. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy talking with him, but there are too many things on my plate. He is not the top of list.

May be I will never use his offer, but that does not mean that I dont think of him sometimes. I can resort to using email and wait for his reply if I am not that keen on contacting him directly. I was on high mood a few months back when I contacted him, but my highs have come down now. Considering so many things involved in a relationship, I would rather quit. Just too many things in a relationship.

I won't force myself into a relationship. It is not wise. May be email is the best solution for my boundaries right now. When things are better, I can use sms or other cheaper alternatives. Meanwhile, let him contact me if he feels for me. I have to use the most comfortable means of communication for me. BTW, can I contact him via email and let him return my message by phone? It may take up to 4 weeks for him to get back to me and that is fine with me.

The reason that I want to find out different means of contacting him is because I am strict on finance. It does not mean I want to contact him so much. Does email work as well? May be not as direct. But if he returns my message, the talk can be prolonged.

[smackie9]

Well you have our outside opinions on this....I guess you run with it how ever you feel.