Is my boyfriend too friendly with his ex-girlfriend?

[leafylass]

I've been with my bf 6 months now, things are great apart from my confusion about his ex gf (of 7 years). She cheated on him 3 years ago, he told me he was heartbroken and the break-up was a traumatic and painful one.

At first I said I trusted him and was ok with him being friends with his ex. But now I can't help feel they are too close, he brings up little things about her and fond memories, they still txt and hang out. She recently broke up with the guy she cheated on him with, he met up with her when this happened to comfort her.

Last friday his ex invited him to her house for dinner just them two, this was while I was at his house. I was a little uncomfortable because he didn't invite me. I invited him out with my friends the same night but he wasn't interested.

A few months ago he asked me if i'd be ok with him living with his ex... i told him thats fine but not if he still has feelings for him. He said he loves me and hasn't got feelings for her. I have mentioned I felt a little awkward around her, but this is probably to do with my own past experience and insecurities.

He wants to move in with me in 2 months, is this taking it too fast?

[HeartIsAching]

You're kidding, right?

[NeoSam]

IF this not a joke

THEN

your relationship with him is a joke

[leafylass]

no? should i talk to him? i don't know what to say without sounding stupid.

[NeoSam]

yes you should talk to him, i think hes in love with his ex, and yes he is wayyy tooo friendly with his ex

[BusyBee]

I agree with that, I mean either he is with you or he isn't, he can't have the cake and eat it.

[reeba]

Move in with him? Why? If it is purely financial and platonic, no it is not too fast. But if you think you are doing it to make your relationship more secure, then YES it is way too fast. I wish this site had a permanent thread on top dealing with the 'move in situation'. Even if you were getting engaged, most people on this site will tell you, don't move in. Not that we are conservative, but because statistically we know it doesn't work. And moving in with someone does not solidfy your relaitonship. It just opens you up for lots of future hurt, legal battles, and inability to date others.

Being too close to an available ex is not good. And only in rare cases does this not eventually lead up into some 'thanks for the memories' sex.

One fight with you, he will go over there for comfort (especially since you will be living together, and he has no where else to go), and the shoulder to cry on may easily become a 'session of break up sex'.

Right now, tell him, no he cannot live with his ex. Tell him to find a guy friend to sign a lease with because you are not ready for him to live with you either. You don't feel 100% secure in the relationship and this is why........ And DO NOT cave in with the live in thing for you or her.

[BusyBee]

THat's a good advice, moving in certainly doesn't help.

[nymphomaniac]

You let your boyfriend have dinner for 2 with his ex of 7 years??
And that it was okay for him to move in with her?
Are you on mood stabilizing drugs or something? Because I would not tolerate that behaviour for a second.

If I were you I would be circular dating other guys for the position of your new boyfriend.

[qwertz]

I've been with my bf 6 months now, things are great apart from my confusion about his ex gf (of 7 years). She cheated on him 3 years ago, he told me he was heartbroken and the break-up was a traumatic and painful one.

At first I said I trusted him and was ok with him being friends with his ex. But now I can't help feel they are too close, he brings up little things about her and fond memories, they still txt and hang out. She recently broke up with the guy she cheated on him with, he met up with her when this happened to comfort her.

Last friday his ex invited him to her house for dinner just them two, this was while I was at his house. I was a little uncomfortable because he didn't invite me. I invited him out with my friends the same night but he wasn't interested.

A few months ago he asked me if i'd be ok with him living with his ex... i told him thats fine but not if he still has feelings for him. He said he loves me and hasn't got feelings for her. I have mentioned I felt a little awkward around her, but this is probably to do with my own past experience and insecurities.

He wants to move in with me in 2 months, is this taking it too fast?

This is a joke, right?

[leafylass]

thank you so so much for all your good advice people! i'll be more assertive now... i guess the fact he was so open about their past and friendship made me think all this crap was acceptable. maybe because i'm so in love i trust him not to do anything stupid.
should i dump him before i get too hurt?

[smackie9]

Wow I would be more concerned about you if I were you. Are you that much of a doormat that you let him spend that much time together with her, texting, hanging out, and would rather ditch time with you to have dinner with her?......how does that sound to you? Whatever comes out of his mouth you believe him? Girl do you have trouble finding a BF so much so you feel you have no choice but to settle for this jerk? It's obvious he still has feelings for her. If her cheating destroyed him, he would have totally written her off completely. But it didn't right? They are having an emotional affair my dear. people think that if there is no sex involved that it's OK....it's still cheating. They are going through the motions of dating. He may not realize what he is doing or he is just seeing where they go and if things get more heated up, he's gonna be dumping your ass......I say let him go.

[qwertz]

thank you so so much for all your good advice people! i'll be more assertive now... i guess the fact he was so open about their past and friendship made me think all this crap was acceptable. maybe because i'm so in love i trust him not to do anything stupid.
should i dump him before i get too hurt?

You should talk to him, tell him you are not comfortable with his relationship with her. He needs some boundaries. If he isnt willing to compromise then yeh, i would end it.