I need to move on

[ay_uk]

Hi guys! I'm posting here because I need some perspective. I also need to vent so forgive me if I'm spouting some well versed sentiments!

Three years ago a vibrant, attractive, intense woman came into my life. I had always been a reserved kinda guy but we connected. I pushed my boundaries and I really fell for her. We had an amazing relationship but it wasn't plain sailing - exciting to say the least. It didn't last and we broke up last year. At the time I felt okay. However I've not been able to move on. I think about her so much that I have little time for anything else. I think long and hard about even the tiniest elements of our relationship - the good and the bad. I analyse these to destruction. Sometimes I conclude I just wasted a golden opportunity - that I should have been a different person. I think so hard about how I could change to become the bloke she needs. At other times I am able to rationalise that we just weren't right together. She was so vivacious, affectionate and emotionally driven that it took all of my senses and heart to comprehend her and love her. On the other hand I don't think I was able to lavish all the affection that a passionate, sensitive person like her needs.

We agreed to break up - fault wasn't an issue. I have spun these feeling around so hard in my mind that I'm not even sure if it's her I miss or the was she made me feel. What I do know is that this constant heavy heart is making me weary and I need to move on. I just have this nagging feeling in my heart that I have lost the love of my life and that I'll never know a sensation like it ever again. She has been able to move on and she has a new relationship - I don't resent this so I don't want to remain a hopeless obsessive (I don't stalk her or anything by the way). I'm just so tired of feeling this way.

Thanks for reading.

A

[smackie9]

Could of should of would of.....it doesn't matter.Some people tend to ignore the fact that not all relationships are not meant to be. You fell in love but it doesn't mean it's gonna stick forever.....it just ran out of steam. Don't beat yourself up thinking you failed and should have done better....that is not why this happened. You were just not compatible enough to make it for the long haul. I tell you this, it takes more than love to keep a relationship. Get up, dust yourself off and let this go. Your focus should be on you. Keep busy, surround yourself with friends and fun activities, get out and socialize. Relationships will come and go, these experiences is what teaches us to know what we truly need and want.....eventually you will meet that person that will knock you off your feet like you never have before in your life.

[BrokenHeartSMB]

Love the "brutal honesty" approach smackie9 mentioned.... So often we're just too close to it to see it for what it is... that's when someone needs to step in and just lay it out there, without any sugar coating... I know that I have a few people in my life who have done the same thing for me... Oddly enough, it's easy for me to give great advice because it's usually just a matter of common sense... but when the tables are turned, I turn into a bumbling idiot who KNOWS that I'm just setting myself up for more hurt... but when the heart and head disagree, the heart seems to win.. at least in my case.

In your case, that nagging feeling of loss may never completely disappear, but you can't dwell on it. You need to find a place to put it, and acknowledge that it's there... but that it's part of your past. Sounds simple enough, eh? If you figure out how to do it, let me know! :-)