Hi im Steffen, and i suck at realtionships . . please help . .

[Steffen]

Hey,

As i said my name is Steffen im a guy from Denmark im 21 years old and i could really use some help.

im not good at getting my message across. say for example i like this girl from my town but i to much of a coward to tell her.
and now shes with a guy, and i feel like i've missed my chance.

but enough about that i joined here to find some people i can share my perspective with and talk to.
i dont know if anyone out there know what i am trying to say here but please do write me if you want to talk.

a little about my self would be that i like music, i constantly watch VH1 and MTV. plus i play acoustic guitar.
and if im not working im with my friends, oh and i LOVE traveling and experiencing new things.

- Steffen

[apple2011]

Hi Steffen. I just joined this forum too. I'm in a relationship with someone who hasn't show any kind of intimacy for 2 months. Obviously not an expert however your 21 and have all kinds of time to show this girl your into her. Even if she is seeing someone. Your job from now on is to be there for her. Show her your the guy who will be there when "he" make her mad, sad or any of the above. Girls love to talk and if you just listen and I mean really listen. None of that uh huh ok, really stuff. Make comments back to her about what she is talking about. Remember those conversations and ask her about it later. Like so did you get those shoes you were going to the mall for. Girls eat that stuff up. I'm telling you she will see you in a differant light and she will be into you before you know it. Good Luck!

[SelflessnHumble]

No need to share your perspective. I've lived it.
You say you love traveling...Where do you go?
You say you love to experience new things? <------How can this be if you can't even muster up some courage to talk to a girl you like?

Dude, it's all a number's game.
If you like to watch TV, play acoustic guitar how in the world is your love interest going to know this without talking to them....to find out what they love to do?

Rejection builds character, which comes from: you guessed it: new experiences.
Drop the shyness and develop some much needed manliness. This is what women like.

Of course the old adage holds true: if you just be yourself: the right woman will see you for who you really are and appreciate you for it.
Until then? Assert yourself, exude confidence, security and take control. Women don't like the competition from being with a man that is too insecure. Make sense?

[Steffen]

to SelflessnHumble: yes it makes alot of sense, and usually im not insecure its just that i've never really felt the same about a girl, you know what i mean? but yeah the harsh truth is often the best . . . . and as for the "interrest" part of the above was really just an introduction. But thanks for the comment BIG help.

to Apple2011: even though you say youre not a expert i still value you input trust me but the things you've mentioned is excatly what i decided to do. trying sort of a assertive and caring approach . . . . and i hope you will have some luck in your relationship.

[nicky89]

Hi Steffen, until recently, I was in a similar situation as you are in now. I liked a boy very much, and I didn't know how to tell him. And then he got a girlfriend, and I felt like I had missed my shot.
But you just got to tell her how you feel! Just do it! I did it, and I must say, the boy I liked didn't broke it off with his girlfriend, but I felt really relieved . I still like him, but I don't love him anymore.

Just tell people! That's the best thing you can do

[SelflessnHumble]

Hi Steffen, until recently, I was in a similar situation as you are in now. I liked a boy very much, and I didn't know how to tell him. And then he got a girlfriend, and I felt like I had missed my shot.
But you just got to tell her how you feel! Just do it! I did it, and I must say, the boy I liked didn't broke it off with his girlfriend, but I felt really relieved . I still like him, but I don't love him anymore.

Just tell people! That's the best thing you can do

The scary part here is that you said you loved him? Wow.
What did you love about him?

[SelflessnHumble]

to SelflessnHumble: yes it makes alot of sense, and usually im not insecure its just that i've never really felt the same about a girl, you know what i mean? but yeah the harsh truth is often the best . . . . and as for the "interrest" part of the above was really just an introduction. But thanks for the comment BIG help.

to Apple2011: even though you say youre not a expert i still value you input trust me but the things you've mentioned is excatly what i decided to do. trying sort of a assertive and caring approach . . . . and i hope you will have some luck in your relationship.

What does, "I've never really felt the same about a girl?" Same? Explain that to me, it doesn't make sense.
My truth isn't "the harsh truth." it IS the truth.

I find that when my advice offends people: it holds substance concerning their perceptions.
Most people crack when you target those precious and often secretly hidden issues they'd never face on their own.
I should know. I was in denial all the time. How did I change?

Check this out:
Simple. Look at your door that leads into your home....
Imagine for the very first time you're outside the front door walking up to it (but without a key)
How do you get inside the house? Let's pretend there are no windows and only ONE door...

Without a key, you don't get in. Right?
A pessimist would procrastinate and sit there saying they'd NEVER get in.
The realist would come to the reality that without the key-he's not getting in.
But...what about the optimist? This is who you need to become.

The optimist: perseveres, exudes unwavering positivity and knows:
"All I need to get is the key and I will get in!" -It's as easy as that.

The key metaphorically (how it pertains to you) is experience.
How do you get the key? You create it! With each new experience.
With each new passing experience (no matter good or bad, getting a girl nor rejected) you create a
groove on the key that push the pins required to unlock the door.

The key symbolizes your applied knowledge gained via experiences (both good and bad)
The unlocking of the door signifies your success in becoming assertive, confident and learning a new part of who you are...
-This is how you will be able to approach your love interest. Don't worry about the guy she's with...Only temporary! (right?)

So what to do? Get your arse out there and experience life. How?
Walk up to random people (instead of doing it in the mirror) do it in real life. Smile,
look like you're holding 5 aces each time and start talking to them. Then take note of
what they are wearing. Glasses, jewelery, shoes, sandals, toe rings and everything else that
will tell you a bit about the person. Or just shoot the shit about current events...

The point is dude: it's all a numbers game. The more you go out: the more you experience. See?
You aren't going to find what you don't seek. You don't get shit unless you ask for them.

Once you *know* (via intuition) how to approach people...Merely opens the door....Now what?
You've got the entire house to explore and even more unlocked doors to open. I firmly believe once you've
opened them all: this life ends. Now get to work!

Remember this:

Failures try....then give up and quit.
The optimist just has yet to succeed *but he knows he will* <--------------Think like this: and you will never fail and achieve everything!!!

[Steffen]

well i dont know really what i mean by that, and i cant really explain it. she is just perfectly in tune with what i am saying and doing . . does that make any sense?

but dude i totally agree with you and i want to be the optimist, i have just never been good at it? but then again this is the best time to turn over a new page in my life. change radically.

and i will really strive to build up this confidence you speak of, the symbolism of what you wrote is exactly what i want to achieve.

"I find that when my advice offends people: it holds substance concerning their perceptions.
Most people crack when you target those precious and often secretly hidden issues they'd never face on their own."

the things you wrote here are true, it suprised me that you hit the nail that precise. and the advice you gave is very usefull

thank you

and ti Nicky89: in combination with the morale boost from selflessnhumble i defenately will talk to her about it . . thank you.

-Steffen

[SelflessnHumble]

Steffen...In order to hit a home run...you must first step up to the plate.

[Steffen]

Can you explain what you mean by that? it seems like there is more to it than I am getting . . .

[smackie9]

Steffen, all you do is ask them to go out with you. If the date goes well you ask then out again. If they say no you ask someone else out, etc....that is all you have to do. You may have to ask a 100 girls out just to find one GF. But at least you are making an effort. Like selfless humble said, you have to step up to the plate first...and that is asking them out. Never go up to a girl and say you have feeling for them....they will think you are creepy and desperate. You have to restrain yourself and act kool and a little distant. Good eye contact is a must have. And don't shower then with compliments or gifts...needy again. Stop putting girls high up on a pedestal...they are just like anyone else and they prefer it that way.

[Michael8]

Steffen I used to be just like you. I never got my message across to girls because I felt like I never had anything to say that would be meaningful to them . In reality, they don't want in depth conversation at first; they just want to get to know a good honest guy. You need to take the attitude that the worst thing a girl can say to you is "no." If she says that, it wasn't meant to be and there's definitely someone better for you out there.

[Steffen]

I must say I never expected to get this much help when i wrote this.
its my first forum experience, but i have gottoen so much help from you guys.
and i really appreciate it, you have helped me alot.

now me and this girl we do alot of stuff together like shopping watching movies partying.
and i think im going to talk to her about my feelings. however i feel like i got kicked in the nads because the other day when she wrote me she wrote and i quote "we are best buddies!" . . . and i dont think that is a good sign . . .

is it just me being paranoid?!
and is there still a chance?

[smackie9]

Ya that means friends zone....you are giving her way too much attention. Time to back it off and play it kool. Like I tell everyone never ever express your feelings to someone that you are not in a romantic relationship.....that is the kiss of death that will have them running away from you.....so no don't do it...it won't play in your favor. You want her you have to seek out other girls....it will bring up your value. When a girl sees a guy around lots of girls giving them attention, it triggers interest in you. So cut her off and make sure you get busy with someone else even if you are not interested in them, just by shifting your attention to someone else will have her after you. Also in the process you may catch the attention of someone you might like.

[Steffen]

Smackie9 what you say is true, but when am i supposed to let her know then?

if i cant just say it to her, then i dont se how she will know?