Wife confusion

[1998.hokie]

I have been married for nearly 9 years; about three years ago my wife revealed to me that she
had feelings for a mutual friend for years before and after we were married. She admitted to one
infidelity and to kissing a couple guys before/after marriage. She said she didn't feel she could be
committed or married. I suggested counseling, but that lasted a few weeks before she moved out.
She was gone for 6-7 mo but we stayed in contact and did things together throughout. 3 months in
she was telling mutual friends she was done and ready to move on. After confronting me with this
(very sheepishly) I stopped communication with her for a week or so - shortly after that she told
me she had been thinking about it more and wasn't really sure she wanted to end it. We got back
together, I continued counseling on a personal level to deal with some of the things she said that
bothered her about me. Last year, she tells me again she's not sure she can be married. We decide
again to split ways, but again after thinking about it she tells me she can't imagine being without me.
Since then, she's made a few male friends through various mutual interests of hers and mine. She
seems really free around them. Giggles and laughs at silly stuff they say or do or whatever. This
behavior reminds me a lot of my old friend's behavior from years ago.

Am I reading this right and watching Round 3 unfold before my eyes, or am I just overreacting
to someone enjoying another person's company? I love her and don't really want to split up
but I also can't spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder at everyone she is drawn to
in this way.

PS, my counselor essentially said I should man up, leave her, and go about finding someone else. *sigh*

Thanks for any input you gals might have.

[sweetkissesforu]

She is not going to see what she has until you leave with nc at all until she is sure she wants to work it out

[Regnent]

I'm no woman, but it sounds like a common problem.
It's the same reason why I can't stand taking my wife window shopping. She see's something she likes, and she suddenly needs it.

She's going to keep doing it until she either leaves for good, or finally figures out that what she has is all she needs.
How long you wait, or how much BS you put up with in the mean time is upto you.

If you think she's worth taking the gamble, and stress, then stick it out.
If you want to have some control and direction in you life sometime soon, then book it.

I don't think it's about maning up, it's about making a choice. You going to put up with it, or not.
If you do choose to put up with it, set limits. Tell her the limit, then stick to it.

[MerryH]

So your counselor says to leaver her, but you think s/he's wrong about that? Why? And don't just say, "I really love her." Tell us why you think it can work out.

[Anturo]

I'm with you counselor on this one.

Bro stop being a damn doormat for this woman.

Is this really what you think you are worth?

You are only worth enough to be with someone who can use and abuse you, then throw you away whenever she wants?

You need to sack up leave her and find someone who is worth your time.

Otherwise live in misery the rest of your life. The choice is yours live or die.

[Kaius]

Leave her. She thinks she can get away with it, and that you would be waiting at the door.... Is that the kind of man that you are?
She already cheated. She can't stay married to you. She doesn't consider you. Why would you want her back?

[HeartIsAching]

Your counselor is right. Time to move on. Seriously. Stop being a human friggin' doormat. Unless you just like pain, of course. If that's what you're into, then go for it.