My wife constantly lies and insults me.

[bahwh]

I have been with my wife for 7 years and married about 4.5 years. Currently we are separated. Things were great before marriage, we had common goals, had fun and were supportive of each other. Slowly after marriage her attitude changed. Important life goals for me did not matter, she set about achieving her goals while I waited (I actually helped her with study and support). All her promises of buying a house together, relocating to my country (Oz), having a family, visiting my family and helping me study drifted away. She began to insult me, always fought and made weekends miserable. I cooked for her, cleaned the house and went shopping all the time. I am no angel or role model, but in 2010 my Mum passed away and she supported me for a while, but she only gave me 2 months to grieve and it is taking me much longer, which she does not care about. I never cheated on her. She is the only girl I have been with. Now, as I reach mid-30's, I am so angry with her, all the insults hurt and losing my Mum has knocked me very hard. She does not seem to care. I always thought she was a nice girl, now I do not know if I can trust anyone. I am very disillusioned with women as I thought she was nice and caring, now my judgement must be questioned.

[Klim]

Wow, she's a jerk (for lack of a better term).

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for, but this situation seems bad. Really bad. You seem unhappy (understatement), and she's ignoring your time needed for getting past your mother's death. That coupled with insults sounds like a terrible relationship.

I really have no idea what to tell you.

Also, when did she lie? Unless I missed something, I don't think you mentioned that.

[Mr. Turtle]

Wow, I know exactly how you feel. I am divorced myself. Same sort of deal. Sorry to hear about your mother. I am disillusioned with women and I can only offer you that I know what you are going through and no matter what people say, its still you in the mix at the end of the day. I fell in love with cars after the divorce. Its what kept me together and I can only say that there are other people out there in your situation. Divorcees have a bond especially on the victim side. I think ultimately it gives us a definitive idea of what works and doesnt and what we want. I hope you find something to hold on to and out of the blue, someone will catch your attention and you'll be able to put a W in the win column. Not sure if any of that makes sense or even helps.

[hello1]

Not all women are like this. To be honest I think she feels like she can say/do whatever she wants to you as you are a push over. Maybe she has lost respect for you as a man?

[Sunnybeach7]

It's truly unfortunate. It seems like she got all that she wanted from you and now that she has...

It just seems she's truly selfish.

Whatever it was she was studying for... is it something that can be easily transferred to a job in your country? If not, that might have been the first sign that she had no plans of following through.

[pamhol]

It seems bad, have you managed to have a deep talk with her on the situation? At least get a clear understanding on it and give both side a chance to air their views. If really there's a need for closure, give it a proper one so that you can move on.

I'm a woman and no not all gals are bad. It's like ladies who are hurt saying all man are bad, it's not true and you know that...after all your mom is also a woman. I'm not here to argue with you or trying to be a feminist. Just that I thought it is important to get our views right, coz it'll affect how we'll be in the future. If you need to move on, you'll miss a good gal with this view.

Anyway, if this doesn't work out, there may be better opportunity waiting for you. Be positive and see how things change...this tips is from "the secret". Hope it works for you.

[jerybaby18]

First, let me say I am sorry to hear about your mom's passing. I went through the same thing almost 4 years ago and it still affects me.
Your wife seems to be a very self centered individual. It's all about her. And that is a recipe for disaster. You have supported her and she is not doing so for you. I hate to say, but a lot of times when people are like that, it doesn't change. I am not sure if you have had a conversation about this with her or not, but if you haven't I suggest doing so. If she doesn't seem to understand your concerns or doesn't want to work on them, I suggest you move on.
Now, as far as your view of women is concerned. you can't judge the masses on your experience with one individual. The only person that hurts in the long run, is you. i am separated myself. I have a wonderful ex. We are still the closest of friends, but we understand that being married to each other is a completely different scenario that just doesn't work for us.
Being that I have dated multiple men that have been separated or divorced, I can tell you from experience, that men take it much harder then women. They are much more jaded, and alot of times have a view as you do. And from watching, after years of them being separated/divorced, their partner has moved on, and they are stuck. I think it stems from the fact that women express their feelings and can move on quicker than men, who seem to bottle up theirs. These men are alone, and afraid to move on. I actually feel a bit sorry for them. But it is what it is.
Do yourself a huge favor, don't judge people for the mistakes others have made. It is not only unfair to them, it isn't fair to you. You will end up in the above said situation because you are consumed by fear of your heart being broken again. Every individual is different. It's that simple.
Anyhow, I hope that you can start to move forward. With or without her. And I wish you all the luck.

[jerybaby18]

Oh, and for the record, she has no respect for you. If she can insult you it really is that simple. Even when my ex husband and I were at the worst part in our relationship, that never happened. We have never insulted one another because we respect each other. Still even n our break up, we didn't do that. As long as someone doesn't respect you, you are not getting what you deserve. Period.

[Yuconman]

Marriage will change the hearts of many friend and it sounds like your wife is going through a mid life crisis. You both need to see a counselor before it is to late. Things will only get worse for you both if you let it go on like this. Communication is the secret to the this problem.
Thanks for listening,
Yuconman

[bahwh]

Thanks for your reply.