busy boyfriend, does he still want me? how can i encourage him 2 show it?

[DENic]

My boyfriend of 2 years seems too busy for me. We’re both in college with different schedules.

Before me, his longest relationship was 6 months. He’s only really ever had one real “best” friend, and that friend took advantage of him when they stopped being friends. Now, here at school he talks with people, but he does not have any true close friends. I’m the one that knows him best of everyone here on campus.

Not only are our schedules different, He’s also involved with football, cheerleading and track and field. He has an internship related to personal training, so when the football team works out together, he’s the one leading them. Since he does not participate in those workouts, he has to schedule extra workout time for him to make up.

Most practices happen early in the morning (6am), due to people having class schedule conflicts. These early wake up times means I cannot sleep over the night before (we live in the residence hall, beds are uncomfortable for 2 people and we keep tossing and turning all night). I understand the not sleeping over thing, because I want him to have as much rest as possible, I do not want him to miss out on sleep.

I’ve made one simple request that he said okay to. I told him if I can’t sleep over, I at least want a hug and a kiss good night (sometimes if we’re not tired, that hug and a kiss good night became a quickie sex session). However, he doesn’t even text me before bed anymore like he used to.

Sometimes when I email him to ask him a simple question, he’d answer. I’d sign the email with “I love you!” or “hugs and kisses”, something like that. His answer is always, “Thanks, HH”. This end of the email is what he ends every email with everyone, even professors and coaches. While he’d be “cuter” with how he answers texts/emails before, now I get the same response as everyone else.

Right now we rarely talk, and I know when Spring Break comes, we’ll be together again and have that week to catch up. When we’re not in school, we’re fine. I just want to at least feel wanted when we’re both here at school, so how could I approach this, without forcing him to pick me over anything else? I don’t want him to lose the wonderful opportunities he’s involved with, but it feels that I’m the one not wanted.

I know that he does love me, he just doesn’t show it the way that I wish he does sometimes… and I love him, so it doesn’t seem to be the way we feel about each other, more of the situation we’re currently in.


I don't want to appear clingy, but I do want to feel loved. What would you want a girl to do if she was in my position? Have any thoughts on this?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get a life. You've told us all the things he's involved with, you didn't mention a single thing that you do. Stop texting and emailing him so much; don't be so available and he'll make more of an effort.

[DENic]

I said we had different schedules.

I work 20 hours a week, I'm vice president of my sorority, involved with the university's honors program, on a committee trying to "fix" Deaf education back home in Canada... I'm busy too. Just don't feel like I had to "brag" about whatever it is I do with my time.

(The whole point behind this really, is that it's not hard to at least try talking to me once in awhile. That if I'm fine with not sleeping over, at least some kind of small substitute. We live in the same residence hall, different floors... not hard =P)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Well then, disregard my first two sentences; my advice still stands, stop initiating contact.

[mymy]

I can't speak on his behalf and tell you exactly why he doesn't reciprocate the attention but I can tell you that I am or was in a very similar situation. A little about me so you can relate...

I am a college student in my last semester of study, I started a business about 2 years ago, I want to live a financially stable life, I work a lot at the business and with school its SUPER hectic and stressful. She on the other hand only worked about 20/h a week and was unsure about her schooling so she had a lot of time on her hands. I don't know how he is, but I can't deal with stress very well... when i'm busy or stressed I find it harder to dig into my emotions although I love her to bits I don't show it because of being so stressed and when she tries to talk or pick at the situation it makes me more stressed and more prone to not being as affectionate as I should. She recently broke up with me because she now doesn't know what she wants... and that all the stress that i've caused her with not being there.. has lead her to leave, sadly.

What I would suggest is don't give him as much attention as hard as it may be... you much detach a little and see what happens, if he comes around. I know first hand that this work because after losing her, it made me realize a lot of things. If he really loves you he will make sacrifices. If he doesn't then you should leave... as a test. My girl leaving me has definitely opened my eyes... but unfortunately for me.. its to late.

[oldskool83]

u can just ask to talk abou tit. say honey i dont feel loved....or i feel like we not spending as much time together. you dont need to make it harder then it really is.

[mymy]

when do men ever take things seriously when they are busy with obviously what he wants. I can't speak on behalf of the OP but I would expect that she has tried that already.

[Anturo]

Does he or has he ever talked about the future with you in it?

He is very busy yes. This can be stressful yes.

When I was 23, I had 4 jobs and worked about 120 hrs / week (2 full time and 2 part time) for about 10 months. I was tired. I made it. It can be done.

My reason was for my family, it’s what I had to do for them.

I don’t know if he has the commitment for you that I had for my family. I'd like to say yes, and that everything will be fine, that it will all work out once you are out of school. However I know that once you are out of school life takes over.

All you can do is communicate with him. Let him know you are feeling left out. Your feelings are real and they matter. (Nobody can tell you what you feel but you).

I know that when I was working my ass off, I neglected my relationship with my wife. I thought I was doing everything right because I was working hard and providing.

That’s not how relationships work and it almost cost me. But she was able to help me see the light of day. We made it. You can too.