1 month no contact...

[rico22]

So I'm in a bit of a pickle with a girl im dating. We've been dating for 4 months now. And things were going super well. Very passionate relationship, kissing, hugging, etc.. Moving kinda fast...

So last night we go out drinking with some friends. Well I dont drink since im the DD. Anyways.. we are sitting there huggin, kissing and talking.. Having a good time. When she then tells me she loves me. We aren't even boyfriend/girlfriend yet. I asked to be boyfriend and girlfriend.. but she said she needs times).... when she tells me she loves me, it catches me WAY of guard... I don't know what to say.. So I stay quite... BIG mistakes.. She's under the influence and gets very emotional, starts ignoring me and making a scene.

So I take her home because she's pissed off. She then starts asking me why I didn't say "I love you" back... I told her that I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't ready for it... I panicked.. I do have a lot of feelings for her. I could see myself with her for a long time. I think I was falling for her...

When we get to her apartment she starts screaming, "get away from me!!, dissapear!!!!, lets just be friends!!" and starts to cry. Saying she hates expecting things from me and letting her guard down, and me letting her down...

I then calm her down, telling her that I am falling for her and I do really care for her and that I want a relationship with her. We hug, and booooom.... Gets super sexual, she's still kinda buzzed/drunk.. im not.. She wants to have sex..we havent had sex yet..and she's a virgin...I dont want to.. im sober and dont want to do this to her while she is intoxicated. It was hard to say no though ...So we fool around some and I leave..

We almost had sex, we told each other we cared for each other... everything great right?

ERRRRR!!! WRONG.. I meet up with her today at a festival.. I can see she's kinda ignoring me a bit.. I ask what is wrong.. She then tells me she doesn't want to see me for a month.. She needs to be alone to figure things out alone..she's having problems at work.. her family is in another country and she doenst know if she wants to move back.... she's scared that she's falling for me too fast...she said everything she said last night she truly meant.... blah blah blah... this come out of nowhere.. im pissed.. but agree to two weeks no contact.....

WTF?!? Is this normal? Why a month with no contact??? She trying to dump me nicely???l.. She has trusts issues.. she's been cheated on before...But im so lost.. Right now i say f*$CK it... im done with this.. 2 weeks??? Im not going to sit around and just wait for her....

Any comments or opinions? Should I just move on???

[MerryH]

She trying to dump me nicely???l

Yes. So don't wait around for her. Continue your life as if you're never going to get back together with her.

But in two weeks, if you even care anymore, you can tell her that you think it's really unfortunate that she got drunk one night and spilled her feelings in that manner. And that it made you uncomfortable and you didn't know how to react, and if she wants to continue dating you, you'd like that a lot blah blah blah. If the answer is anything other than "yes, I want to continue dating you" then move on for good.

[rico22]

Yes. So don't wait around for her. Continue your life as if you're never going to get back together with her.

I'm not going to seat here and wait for her. I can take the hint, I told her "if you want to end it now, do it" But she just wants the break.

It just blew my mind how everything went down. Almost perfect relationship till that moment. She even wanted me to meet her parents, who live in another country, meet her family.. like serious things here. When we were alone together it was very romantic and intimate. I would have NEVER of guessed this was what I was going to get. If the relationship is not working, then its not working, you can't force it. But my god I thought ours was great.

I will give her some time off, and prolly be good for me too. And if she does contact me again I'm not sure I want to continue this relationship after what she just did.

Thanks MerryH

[justcheckin]

dude I can relate 100%. I had been dating my girl for ~3.5 months, everything was going great, when she pulled the same move your girl did. She panicked, and "wanted to take a break" because she just didn't know what she wanted. The BEST THING YOU CAN DO is to give her her space, no txt messages, nothing. That is what worked for me. If she really does "love" you or whatever, she WILL realise that and come back to you. She is probably just freaked out, especially if she is new to this kind of thing (my gf is also a virgin and I am her first/second ever serious boyfriend) and she was defiantly intimidated by the seriousness of a relationship. Give her some space, let her figure some stuff out. You can move on if you wish, but I would just take this time to focus on yourself and get some things done that you have been putting off while she gets her mind in order.

[rico22]

Alright..guess I can do nc for a while...things have been moving a little fast..least its nice to know im not the only one with this situation

if it werent for your post justcheckin I was going to call her and end it. I just want closure so i can move not sit around and wait. But this is a good time to practice patience..lol

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you should call her and end it. A month is too long apart for a four month relationship. Call her and tell her that you think what she's asking is unfair, and it's not how someone treats someone they really care for. Apologize for wasting her time and wish her the best. If she doesn't pick up, text it to her. ---End it on your terms, and shes more likely to come back.

[AirbenderAang]

Histrionic personality disorder is a condition in which a person acts very emotional and dramatic in order to get attention.

Symptoms include:
Acting or looking overly seductive-------unknown
Being easily influenced by other people -------maybe
Being overly concerned with their looks -------unknown
Being overly dramatic and emotional------- check
Being overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval-------maybe
Believing that relationships are more intimate than they actually are -------check
Blaming failure or disappointment on others -------check
Constantly seeking reassurance or approval -------check
Having a low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification-------check
Needing to be the center of attention (self-centeredness)-------probably
Quickly changing emotions, which may seem shallow to others------- probably

From what I see, the label fits pretty well. Since you know her better, you should see if it does fit. If it fits, you should google Histronic Personality Disorder to learn more. If it does fit, the bad news is that your girlfriend is going to act like this a lot. Change can happen but it takes a hell of a lot of work on her part.

[rico22]

Thanks for all the input and opinions. So I went and called her last night, I wanted her to explain to me one last time and see if there was a good reason for not waiting to see me for a month. I rather her dump me, least there is closure. She wont dump me... but she doesn't want to see me for a month. Makes no sense to me. We talked for an hour about various things, but she would not say why she needed time. I tried guessing why this change of heart of all of sudden, NOTHING. She said she was knew she was being selfish and just need to be alone.

So I told her I couldn't do this and that it wasn't fair. I don't know where this relationship went wrong till that point and might not ever know. So I wished her good luck with all her problems,life, told her im sorry for wasting her time and that she will get what she wants and never see me again.

Yeah I'm sad. But the same time relieved from this whole thing. Night after she told me she didint want to see me for a month I couldn't sleep. After I called it off, last night, I slept like a baby.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Good job. Now, keep your mind occupied and don't contact her no matter how much you want to. If you can handle it now, I suggest pursuing other women too, though there are mixed feelings about that on this board.