My love story happens around 2 years ago, when I was turned 18 and came back to Ha Noi, Viet Nam after one year studying and living with a host family in Tennessee in an exchange program for high school student. I met my lover in a special day, when I was waiting at the U.S Embassy to apply for my visit. I can remembered that was a hottest day of the summer, around the beginning of July. We had a talk openly as a friend and during the talk (which is involved with one older girl- whom is also will be studying the MBA degree in U.S). I can say that she a lovely and friendly girl that I have never met in my entire life. I felt in love with her right away but I could not be able to identify my feelings correctly. After the interview, I waited about 2 her and another girl in two hours because the older girl said that we can go out to having lunch together. So I did, and I was having lunch with both two girls and the family of the girl I felt in love with. My summer with that girl is went pretty well, we talked with each other every day and share everything about life and I helped her, given her my advices about applying for the U.S College. Every day I felt my love is grown up a little bit butI am afraid to tell her because we just met each other not so long ago. I kept becoming her good friend for a while.

When she was in the U.S, I am only person that talked and shared to her. She said I am the best friend of her. Everyday I am only the person hearing all her stories and helped her out with the small things in her daily life, and support her in everything. That was so sweet. I remembered that the first time I had been waiting in silent for one girl at the airport without going out to say wish her lucky .I could not be able to breath in the cold winter (3 months after that) while I was walking to her host family house to visit her. I could not tell how I was happy for her when all the school that she applied was admitted her (even though I helped her mostly with the application). And finally one night when we were skype with each other, I told her about my true feelings and she said she felt in love with me too, and we become a couple. She ended the school lately than me, not until the beginning of June (last year) so I stayed one month longer in my college so that I can helped her with the application works. We met each other again at Los Angeles airport.

Our summer seems to be great at the first time but it turns out some problems at the end, because I was so busy making a conference for the high school kids so I was not be able to taking care of her. I made a lot of promises with her about what we will be doing over the summer, but I did not done half of them. She was kinds of sad with that facts but she still supporting me in what I was doing. I was wrong because I did not realize what was false, she did not tell me. I knew that she felt lonely and sad a lot.

She came back to Pennsylvania for studying at the college. And start a new journal again, I still be on her side and support her with everything I can. I met her after one week she coming to the U.S. I was going to her college without telling her that I will come. She was so surprised by my appear. I told her that this new time will be a challenge with our love but I am hoping that we can believe in each other. I am not worrying anymore after I am seeing her doing OK at the college.

That seems to be we will be living in a happy dream together but because of the distances, even though we talked each other everyday but we argued more. She is usually the person start the fight, I accept the truth that she is having a lot of stress and I kept silence and say sorry to her first, so the fight will not be able to lead to something bad. But I was wrong, I am only the person saying the apology.She started changing the attitude for me, and trying to talk about what I have been forgetting and treating her bad over the summer. She kept blaming me for that all the time. Sometimes I am really angry at her but most of the time, I did say so sorry for doing that and hurting her.

She was so stressed with the school works and she said we need to break up, uhm, I think 3 times. But that break up sayings did not last long, the maximum is two days. She said and say sorry to me after that. When she said something like that, I just felt deeply sad and just ask her: Is that what she wants? and kept silence. I cried by myself a lot. I knew that is something that the me should not do. My health is so weak and a lot of time I did not think correctly about what I should be doing. She said our relationship will be determined when we are meeting each other on the Winter Break. Because I am having a lot of stuffs to move away before I am going to Madrid on January so she fly over to my school. We lived about 2 weeks with each other and spends a lot of time. We had some argument about a small things but it not a big deal. But I felt like I follow my heart a lot and I said I would die without her. She seems to be scary about my words. Finally she agree that our relationship could be developed if each other is trying to understand more and not make it seriously. I just was so happy about that.

The story now really began when we are far away from each other. We did not talked much because of the different time zone. I tried to wait her by going to sleep really late (around 3 or 4 in the morning) so that I can talk to her. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted and going to sleep soon. But I did keep sending a message everyday to see what is she doing. A lot of time she not like talking to me and sometimes she missed me but I could not talk to her. She had a J Term in January and she was having a lot of free time, she felt bored. When the Spring term come, she get started busy as usual and seems to be stressed out again. She avoided my messages and our talk is at the standstill.

She once again said that we need a time to think about the relationship again, I really do not know what was wrong this time again. I was totally freaked out. In the early of Febuary, I and my sister going to travel around Europe in one week, and her saying about thinking our relationship happens three days before the trip. On the early morning of the trip, I had a chance to talk with her, I asked a lot of questions about what is her real love for me? She said she did not know and can not tell at this moment, she did not feel anything. I ended up that morning conversation with the great disappointment about her saying. During the first two day of the trip, I was tried to mess her and wait for her but she did not reply for me. One evening when I was waiting for her online, I think she read my message but did not appear. I was so sad. The next morning, she leave me a message that our relationship is now really over. Once again, I could not believe in my eyes what I was reading.

After that, I kept blaming myself for what I was doing wrong and I was drinking a lot. I had a serious stomached and it is really make my health bad. I talked with her again when I was arrived to Amsterdam but she said that she had been thinking a lot before saying that and she just asked about my health. I did not want to talk to her but I said with my sister mess her about my situation so she can know what is going on. I really hate her at that time. In the next talk, she said that she will taken off the words about breaking- up again and will decide it latter. She said she felt so stressed out and can not handle any relationship at this time. She asked me to be a friend with her, I said I am willing to be a person to listen to her, but I can not pretend to be a friend. I am just can not hide my feelings or acting like I am a true friend.

We did not talk for 3 days and on Valentine Day, I messaged her again and she said it is really over. She is not loving me any longer. She did not want to hear me crying, shouting at her and betraying her (I think she means about the message inform about my health' information make her feel guilty). This time, I was acting so crazy and begging her to come back. But all she wants is kept me silence as she can. She said she is not loving me. That is different with that I know from her friends, she is so tired and afraid to dealing with me.

I really do not know what to do. I am really hopeless but for right now I do not think I should contact with her. I kept mess her several time about what she is doing but she is not reply to me. She said we can be friend, but can not be on the relationship again, it is over. If I kept saying something about that, she would not have something to talk about. She said that is better to not talk or mess for each other because she does not have something to talk with me.I talked with her close group of friends, they said they do not know what is going on. They think that I am betrayed her and did not love her any more. I did talk sincerely about what is going on on my side and they seems to understand it a little bit. But they deleted me as a friend on Facebook after a few days. May be my ex said they to to so to stop trying to convince her to coming back.

Every day passing, I feel more panic, stressful and more terribly my health is totally down. My mind is fulfill of her images, her saying and all memories that we all had. I am also wondering how is she doing right now.

What I should do right now? Do I still have a chance to start again with her?