Confused about Break up

[kingcloud777]

Okay, I'm new at this sort of thing so please bear with me. I have dated this girl for 4 years, we were friends at first before it turned to anything serious. I just recently bought her a promise ring to show her how much she meant to me and to show how committed I am to her. We started living together on our own after a year into the relationship and things have been good. We had our fights and times where we needed our space but we always worked it out after wards. One day, she calls me up from her friends house and tells me that she needs to take a break and that she needs space. I asked her why she wanted to and she says that she thinks we're growing apart. She says how she still loves me and that will never change. She also wants to still be friends and to still hang out. She said we will get back together eventually but she explained how she depended on me too much and that she wants to stand on her own two feet...to be more dependent on herself. Now I have another question, when a girl tells you that sex with someone else without passion is nothing than why have sex with another person anyway if you're not over your partner? Isn't that still considered cheating of some kind? She says she'll be drunk so it doesn't matter??? Am I crazy to feel that something about that seems wrong. I'm not up to just going after some other woman, Why should she want to go after some random guy? Her decision doesn't make much sense to me and I'm hoping some light can be shed onto this problem. I have never been through this before and it's a confusing time for me. Any responses would be appreciated and if there's something you feel is missing just ask me and I'll explain. Thank You.

[steviej]

How old are you both? It sounds like she wants to have some experience of a free, fun loving single life but keep you on the back burner in case the grass isn't greener.
Don't be a doormat, don't allow her to have all of the support and friendship from you without giving anything in return. Do you really want to stay with a girl who wants to get drunk and sleep around?

[kingcloud777]

Well, we are both 21 years old so yes, we are still young but things were working out pretty good. I don't want to be with someone who would want to get drunk and sleep around. I am hoping she just said that as a way to scare me. I don't really know where it's coming from either. A few days before she told me all of this she said how I made her so happy and she asked me never to leave her then she goes to a friend of hers for a couple days and tells me all of this out of nowhere.

[sweetkissesforu]

Do you think that maybe she has met someone else

[jayjaym]

wow im basically in the same boat as you, been together with my ex-GF for 4 years and now she wants to be single and "free" she wanted to go on a months break and when i said ok no snogging or sex she didnt know what to reply with, what both of our exs are doing is like the poster before me, they want to see if the grass is greener and if not then come running back and say it was a mistake, i dont want to be a back up and i she really really loves you then why want a break? someday someone will truly love you for you and want to be with you for you, hope this helped.

[robFord]

The reality in these kind of situations the other person still cares about you, but there's no other way to put it: they want to have sex with someone else.

It's human, it's natural and it's ****ing painful. This has happened to me on from both sides, as the person who wanted to explore and have my gf want the same. If you can handle it, let them go, no point forcing her to stay if she wants to leave, she'll just end up cheating on you and that'll hurt more. Let her explore and you do the same. If it was meant to be you well end up with each other again.

[fivefootfour]

This is similar to whats happened to me, although not the break thing. She did ask for space and after a few days I contacted her to find out whats going on. She broke up with me saying she needs to live her life, sort her career out, get her own friends back and do things spare of the moment. She did say that we could be friends and maybe get together in the future. I then found out that she went back to her ex, I don't know if anything happened or if they were just friends but I decided to go no contact for 2-3 months. I've recently got in contact with her due to her gran dieing but I haven't heard anything else from her in 3 weeks.

Going no contact was really hard for me, the past 4 months have been the worse of my life but I didn't want to be a doormat and I think that you shouldn't ever just waiting for her to come back to you. I do still think about contacting my ex and trying to fix things but i've also got a feeling that it could make it worse. Womans heads are impossible to work out. :-s

[kingcloud777]

All your replies have been helpful. I am trying some no contact right now, don't know how long I should stretch it out though. It's been 2 days so far since I last talked to her. Not sure if she met someone else, didn't seem like that was it. I appreciate everybody giving their experiences as well.