Should I hold on or let go completely?

[242908]

I'll try to keep this brief, I'm 22 and my gf of 4 months (18) broke up with me 3 weeks ago because she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with just one guy and wanted to "have fun". She also said she felt pressure from me because she didn't want to let me down or didn't want me to hate her if she left me, leading me to believe she stuck around even after she had lost feelings for me until she couldn't take it anymore. In the past she always told me she really loved me, and I was the best guy she'd been with (she's been in a lot of messed up relationships) and that she wanted me forever and I was the "one" and she had dreams about me and blah blah blah ... Anyway, later that night, when I wanted to get closure, she changed her excuses and said she didn't want to lose contact with me but now she just needed time to think about things. I didn't get angry and simply said that I'll give her all the space and time she needed, but I wasn't going to see her talk and hang out with other guys because it was too much for me. So I went on absolute NC. No phone, no facebook, no physical contact. Nothing.

She has had a LOT of problems on her hands right now, so her saying that she needs "time" makes sense. But if that were true, why would she tell me all of those other things? Yes, I know she's young and I know it's only been 4 months, but I went the extra mile for her and I really cherished every moment we had. At this point, I don't know if she meant everything she told me. I find it impossible to believe but It seems to me like she had already moved on way before the break up ever took place and she didn't really care whether we stay friends or not. But we were friends before dating, so I feel like by just walking away from all of our experiences, I'll be losing a potentially good friend ... Yet, at the same time, I feel like if I remain friends with her, I'll end up losing my dignity because I decided to be friends with someone who doesn't really care about me in any way anymore. I feel like I should hate her for what she did, but I can't bring myself to think of her as the type of person that would just not care, because she wasn't like that. I really don't know what to think of her anymore and I'm having a hard time letting go because I feel I have to, but I don't want to.

I'm just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on what to do regarding this situation. I thought I got my closure that day but I still feel like I'm in the "gray zone" because she wanted "time", I agreed even though I was angry and saw it coming, and now It's like waiting for a miracle to happen. It's literally killing me.

I feel like the longer I wait, the more she's going to think I hate her and she won't even want to look at me.
I feel like she is happy now that she got rid of me, despite everything we did for each other.
I feel like I'm wasting my time worrying and caring for someone who stopped caring for me.
I feel like deep down, she's does care and was telling me the truth. It's all very confusing and I'm really close to losing my mind.

If anyone can help me or if you need more details or need me to clarify things, please let me know. Thank you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Keep up the NC, don't worry about the rest. Start looking for other girls. You are 22, find a girl in your age range who has already "had some fun", and you'll be less likely to deal with this type of nonsense.

Also, it was only 4 months...3 of which she was unhappy, so clearly it wasn't that great. Cut her out of your life(check), and get over it.

[steviej]

I'm sorry to say, but i think she's young, has issues to deal with and isn't ready for a proper relationship. What she said at the time about loving you was true - AT the time. But she's still maturing, feelings change and by the sound of it she's a bit of en emotional car wreck right now.
No chasing her, head high and walk away from this one. If it's meant to be, she'll be in touch.

[242908]

Thanks everyone, but one last question:

I'm not trying to boast, but finding a new and even better girl has not been a problem ever since I started dating.
This one just happened to squeeze my heart harder than others that's why it's hard to let go. Now, I don't even care if we get back together, I'm just wondering if it would be a good idea to still try and be friends? Because I guess I'm still in disbelief that the girl I knew as friend and got to know more about as a partner would just quit on our friendship too.

Or should I just assume the worst and try to hate her for what she did so I stop thinking about this nonsense?

EDIT: In addition, I know it was only 4 months, but they were flawless. (or so it seemed)
I don't know what to think of her though, a few things have been left unclear and NC means NC. I don't know what to do.

[VincenzoG91]

Don't bother hating her. She's young, and so are you, so mistakes and changes were inevitable, and it was unlikely that your love was going to last forever. Just try to figure out what you learned from this relationship, both positive and negative, and make better choices in your future dating efforts.

[242908]

Still leaves me wondering if she does want to stay in touch or she just said that to make herself feel better by knowing I would stick around after dumping me. Like I said, she was a good friend ... And I want to believe she's telling the truth about needing time to think due to her current situations. But I also can't help but think she's "changed" because she's young or is with someone else after saying she wasn't ready for a relationship or that she doesn't really care for my company.

I valued our friendship just as much as our relationship. Not being able to contact her, I can't know for sure if she's moved on, doesn't care or if she regrets pushing me away. I don't know. Day by day, I imagine the worst, and I'm developing a serious hatred towards her. It's the only way I'll get the image of the "sweet, honest, caring and friendly" girl I knew last year and move on with my life. However... Without solid evidence that she doesn't care about me anymore, I am stuck with this confusion.

This is so dumb. :/ a teenager is destroying me.
I've tried EVERYTHING to make myself forget... Yet, I can't let go. Just ridiculous.

[VincenzoG91]

It's really for the best if you just move on. I used to pretend that an ex-girlfriend died, so I could just grieve and then move on without any lingering doubts. There were reasons why the relationship ended, and the only way some of those reasons might change is with the passage of time. The more time, the more likely the changes will happen. Meanwhile, you're still young and have a lot of living to do. Don't beat yourself up over this situation, get out there and live life to the fullest. If she enjoyed the time that you spent together, she will remember you fondly and may some day come back to you. Or maybe not.

By the way, give yourself some credit for realizing that the just friends thing can be painful. I tried that a few times, and it always became torturous because I still had feelings but she started dating some new guy. Better to make it a clean and final break for now, and don't even bother looking back unless chance brings you together again some day.

[242908]

Thanks for your response. Frankly, a part of me didn't want to lose the friend I made. I did a lot for her, and she was always grateful and showed a lot of love. She said she really trusted me, and she always turned to me for help with anything that was bothering her. Next thing you know, she began avoiding me, talking to other guys and just like that, it was over. Like it was nothing.

I guess

Now even though a part of me wanted to stay friends/acquaintances, another part of me can see her laughing at me with her new boyfriend, maybe even hating me for just walking away on her, like she was testing my loyalty or something etc. Talk about over-analyzing things.....
So yeah, perhaps it's best to just end this. I'll have no problem seeing other girls,
But I'm still so confused as to why she pushed me away like that after everything I did. I don't know if I should be angry at her if she ever talks to me again or if I should forgive her and try to remain on good terms. (Not a relationship again, hell no) I just miss her as a friend.... I wanted what was best for her, and I walked away giving her the" time" she asked for, and now I have a million things running through my head. and like I said before I've done everything I can to fight the urge of contacting her. Or even talk about her. Everything reminds me of her, and I don't know if the feeling is mutual... I guess that's what's so devastating about this.. if she valued me as much as she said she did. Because I really, really did.

I don't know anymore.