Hes slowly controlling me... help me!!

[fuggles0]

Well i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and lately he seems to have me wrapped round his little finger. He always does what he wants, never seems to care how i feel, always gets me to do things for him. He never acts like he wants me around him and makes me feel as if he just cant be bothered with me anymore. Hes hard to say no to and hes hard to be mad at. I know most people would be like "just finish it" but thats the easy way out and i want to sort it out instead of wasting those 4 years. I know he cares and he loves me because of little things that are hard to explain.

so basically any advice on how to make him want me around again and make things equal again so its not me doing everything and making all the effort.

Please share what would make you want a girl around and what a girl can do to gain a little control back in a relationship...

[JadenMia]

The only thiing you can do to save this relationship is talk to him. Communication and trust is always key!
If you sit him down and explain to him how you feel, dont bring it up like your nagging him, just talk openly and make him feel like he can tell you anything and dont forget to listen to his side as well as him listening to you!

Get everything out in the open so he knows and you know what needs to be improved. If he DOES care about you, he will change his ways, make more of an effort etc.. If he doesnt do anything to help it, then you know he doesnt give a sh*t. Therefore you can ditch him and know that you tried to make it work and he had no interest in helping at all. Dont think of the 4 years as a waste, think of it as a learning experience.

[fuggles0]

Its a really hard situation to explain, because he has such a weird way of dealing with things, im used to it but everyone else who i talk to thinks its stupid.
we went on a break last summer because things were like this, and then when we sorted things we sat down with each other and told each other what needed to change in order for things to work. Things were amazing from then and i was the happiest iv been in a long time but hes recently gone back to his old ways. I make it fully obvious that im not happy but he never seems to show interest or hell ask whats wrong but not listen to my answer. I know from experience with him if you want something to change, talking to him doesnt help i have to do something.

[Sonrisa]

why aren't you happy?

[JadenMia]

Well then give him an ultimatum. 'Im leaving if you dont figure this crap out and show me some love'.

What do you mean when you say 'weird way of dealing'.. ? How does he deal with things?

This sounds like my ex. After 3 years i felt exactly like how you describe, we had breaks, discussions etc.. Things got better everytime but eventually relapsed back into the same old routine. If thats the case then leave, because its never going to get better. We loved and cared for each other, but our relationship just didnt work. Its sad, but you eventually find something worth your time and you will be happier.

[fuggles0]

because i feel as if hes just giving up. he never tells me he loves me anymore, when i say love you to him he just goes aww you know i do i dont need to say it, like hes avoiding it. things just dont feel right at the moment

[Sonrisa]

as i have noticed, most guys are not very comfortable with saying i love you. but if that's the only issue that bothers you most, then what are the advantages to being with him?

[fuggles0]

hes not the sort of guy to fight for what he wants, hes grown up with A LOT of problems between his parents and they have influenced him. He doesnt like talking about things. Iv noticed before that the less i seem to act like i care about him the more attention i get of him. It got to the point now that when he gets home from work he wont talk to me, give me a kiss or even acknowledge im there for ages. He is the type of guy who wouldnt be with someone unless he thought it was for keeps

[Sonrisa]

have you been with others prior to him?

[fuggles0]

as i have noticed, most guys are not very comfortable with saying i love you. but if that's the only issue that bothers you most, then what are the advantages to being with him?

He used to just randomly say it all the time to me but he doesnt hardly ever anymore. i know it sounds bad but i actually just stopped and thought whats the advantages of being with him and i cant think of many. when i feel like shit hes the only one i want to see and talk to

[fuggles0]

have you been with others prior to him?

I have been with other people but they've only been for a few months or something, hes my first serious relationship, maybe im holding on because im so used to him being around and i dont like change

[Sonrisa]

please don't post the same thread multiple times. you can bump this one up if needed

[fuggles0]

ok sorrry

[98db]

My therapist would say you can make someone want to be around you or love you. All you can really do is talk to him about what he wants/is looking for/ is missing and then decide if you want to give that to him.

I did the same with my Ex and she decided she did not want to put in the effort so we split up. I could only tell her what I needed out of the relationship. It was her choice, and I couldn't make her change.

[fuggles0]

thaanks i think i just need to talk to him and tell him that im not messing around anymore, then if he still cant be bothered to talk and sort it out then i guess he doesnt care that much.
just need to ind the time to talk to him, he works 7 days a week, 10 hours a day
maybe thats a reason for all this, because he works so much hes tired and cant be bothered to do anything or make an effort