In a strange situation. Need some advice!

[apple11]

So, my girlfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago due to long distance reasons. I will be graduating college in a month and she will be entering her sophomore year of college(we go to different schools). The break up was somewhat mutual due to the fact we developed bad habits, I became jealous and somewhat overprotective, and were not entirely happy. However, I just found out I will be living at home for a bit after I graduate which was one of the biggest concerns, not being close to each other. We have always left the option open to getting back together and it seems somewhat conceivable if we are both home this summer. After about three days of breaking up and not talking we began talking again and have been talking every day since, we are still crazy about eachother and when we are together it is always a very good time. A big concern for me is that i feel as though i am too open about getting back together to the point where it is pushy. I don't directly say "i want to get back together with you" but some bad habits of me being jealous and curious as to what she is doing all the time may not be the best idea and is taking away any power or leverage I have in this relationship.

So i guess why i am posting on this forum is to ask if anyone has any advice as to how I should handle this last month of school to set me up well for us to potentially get back together.

Thank you!

[devonbrown]

Here is the reality of your situation - you did not break up because of long distance. The long distance simply helped illuminate the problems in your relationship. That is,

The break up was somewhat mutual due to the fact we developed bad habits, I became jealous and somewhat overprotective, and were not entirely happy.

Those are the issues that broke you up, not the distance. And if those issues aren't resolved, getting back together will just end in the same result.

Good luck.

[apple11]

Here is the reality of your situation - you did not break up because of long distance. The long distance simply helped illuminate the problems in your relationship. That is,



Those are the issues that broke you up, not the distance. And if those issues aren't resolved, getting back together will just end in the same result.

Good luck.

Thank you for your response. I agree with you, those were definitely deciding factors in the break up. What would you recommend I do to resolve these issues?

[devonbrown]

Without knowing you personally and the psychological reasons for your jealousy and overprotective ways, I can't really say. I would definitely analyze those things about you, recognize that jealousy is a pointless emotion, and that you and any partner you date are individuals who have their own lives. You fall for someone because of who that person is. Don't try to change who that person is by being controlling.
And jealousy normally comes about due to insecurity over your own self-image. Try to focus on what makes you a good person, and realize that if someone wants to be with someone else, that is their problem, not yours. Don't waste the time and energy on jealousy.

Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's only going to be around for the summer right. So even without other factors, the distance will become a problem again soon. What do you want from this situation?

[apple11]

Without knowing you personally and the psychological reasons for your jealousy and overprotective ways, I can't really say. I would definitely analyze those things about you, recognize that jealousy is a pointless emotion, and that you and any partner you date are individuals who have their own lives. You fall for someone because of who that person is. Don't try to change who that person is by being controlling.
And jealousy normally comes about due to insecurity over your own self-image. Try to focus on what makes you a good person, and realize that if someone wants to be with someone else, that is their problem, not yours. Don't waste the time and energy on jealousy.

Good luck.

Very helpful tip. I definitely consider myself an overthinker and create more problems than needed due to this.

So do you think the best method of to fix this issue is to not even bother to ask any curiosity questions and simply let things happen the way that they happen?

[jb1111983]

Mate, you've got some really good advice/ suggestions from what I see. You know what your problem is. Very good. Fix it. A LDR can never work without TRUST, or any relationship for that matter. You gotta have that unless she gives you a reason not to, which really isn't the case here.
Next time you feel jealous or getting over protective of her, just don't ACT on them. Understand that it's not a helpful feeling.

[apple11]

Mate, you've got some really good advice/ suggestions from what I see. You know what your problem is. Very good. Fix it. A LDR can never work without TRUST, or any relationship for that matter. You gotta have that unless she gives you a reason not to, which really isn't the case here.
Next time you feel jealous or getting over protective of her, just don't ACT on them. Understand that it's not a helpful feeling.

Thanks man! I totally agree, I am working on instead of acting on instinct working on facts which in this case there is no evidence whatsoever that I need to be jealous or controlling. I appreciate everyone's input and would love to hear some more if anyone has any.