My Happiness or my Family's?

[grogan67]

Ok, this is a little complicated, but I will try to spell it out.

6 years ago, I moved to nashville, TN with my mom, whom I have a very close friendship and relationship with. We moved here because she is form here. I had been born and raised in Missouri, and when we moved to Tennessee, I left behind my 4 sisters, and my dad, and half my family. I am close with ALL of them still. So my mom and I have been living with her family here in Nashville for 6 years now, My mom is now happily married and we are still close to this day.

2 years Ago, I met a very special man. I am gay and My boyfriend and I have been very close since the day we met. We have an incredibly strong relationship and love each other deeply. When we met, he was here in Nashville going to college, and we hit it off. Well that summer he had to go back home to Tulsa, OK because he was living in the dorm rooms and had to leave for the summer. Well i couldn't stand to be without him, so I went there and stayed the summer with him. When we came back we were able to find an apartment, we both had jobs and everything was going nicely. Well he wasn't able to go to college because of financial reasons, so he just found a full time job. Well since then, he has had a hard time keeping full time job, and I have been lucky enough to have one all this time. Well we have had a hard time financially because he hasn't kept a full time job, and now we are having hard times finding places to live. we are both volunteer firefighters, and we stayed at the fire hall for a little while, but that didn't work out now we cant stay there anymore. Then we stayed with my mom for a while. Well things went downhill very quickly when we were living with my mom, and now she wont talk, look at or say anything to my boyfriend. They have gotten into it several times, (all arguments are because they are both immature and stubborn). So now my boyfriend is very unhappy here in Tennessee and wants to move back with his family in Tulsa. Well I never want to loose him, so I want to go with him. But my relationship is very very close with my mom and my family here in Tennessee. So my problem is do I go to Oklahoma and be very happy with the man I love, or do I lose him, stay in Tennessee, and make my family happy.?

All of my life, I have done whatever it takes to make others happy and prevent confrontation and sadness. I do not like the person I am now because I am very high strung, always have very high anxiety, I am a pathological liar when it comes to preventing arguments or confrontations. I just want things to change.

I want to go to Tulsa to try to change some things in my life. But I am afraid that if I go, and things on down to the road do not work out with my Boyfriend, and I have to come back, I am afraid that My family realtionships here in Tennessee will be irreversibly damaged.

HELP ME! I just want some advice please, how can explain to my family that this is what I need. or should I stay and salvage those relationships, Lose the man I love and let things go back to the way they were?

Any Advice is greatly appreciated.

BTW I am 21 years old, and I am a white Gay male.

[MerryH]

No one can make this decision but you. You should make yourself priority number one. If you want to go with your boyfriend, then go. It's your life. You can keep very healthy relationships going with family while living far away from them. Lots of people do it. Or are you saying that your family will disown you if you leave? If that's the case, **** 'em. That's their choice and you shouldn't make decisions based on the controlling behavior of others.

That said, I just can't leave without saying this: I think you will have a hard time living with him in OK. He can't seem to hold down a job, and he (or both of you?) keep messing up your living arrangements. This pattern will most likely continue after you move. And with your anxiety/lies, this looks like a ticking timebomb, unless you two can fix those problems.

Whatever you decide, I hope it turns out well for you.

[devonbrown]

You mention that you have always tried to avoid confrontations and have always tried to make other people happy ahead of yourself. Well, this is a situation that you have to put yourself first. You said it in your post yourself -

I want to go to Tulsa to try to change some things in my life. But I am afraid

If you want to go, then you should go. Do not let fear keep you from doing what you want.
And if things don't work out, hopefully there wouldn't be any problem with returning to your family. They are family and are supposed to always be there for you, no matter what.

Good luck.