open communication with gf

[sizzling]

hi...i have been having problems getting erections, went to doc a while ago, he gave me cialis but thought i had performance anxiety. cialis def helped and we had good sex. however, i never told my gf i was taking it.

im going to start seeing a psychologist for my anxiety/sex issues. i told my gf about that. we somehow got on the topic of medications and she asked me if i was taking any. i told her i was not. did i lie?

i take cialis sometimes to help with my nervousness but im not always on it. i keep thinking that i wasnt truthful to her. i have ocd so i keep thinking about this over and over. should i tell her the truth about cialis? or did i not do anything wrong here? i want to tell her everything but afraid of her reaction. thanks!

[ElizabethLane]

Hi Sizziling,

I am so sorry to hear you keep thinking about this over and over. It appears this is really bothering you, sometimes we stress ourselves out on telling someone something that is really embarrassing to us,

But you will be surprised at how understanding she is. Once you tell her the truth there will be a weight lifted off of your shoulders. The best thing is to own it, and not be ashamed of it b/c you did nothing wrong, this is what

your body is doing and she will prob commend you, that you did'nt wait on it and got help. This honestly is something out of site out of mind, now that you are able to perform ...that's all that matters to her.

[devonbrown]

You can also not tell her until after you see a doctor. Then you can tell her that the doctor suggested trying it before sexual activity and see how it works (which is probably what the conversation with the doc was previously). That way, you are still telling her, just fudging the timeline a little. You can always tell her that you thought she was asking if you were taking anything regularly, which you weren't.
Or, you can talk to her and tell her that you are sorry that you held that information from her, but you were scared of what she might think. This is a sensitive topic, and hopefully she will understand. By not telling her. you run the risk of her starting to think that she has done something recently to change your attraction to her, and that could get messy.

Open and honest communication is always best, even though it might not always go the way you want it to go.

Good luck.

[doppelgaenger]

Don't tell her.

[sizzling]

thanks for the replies...she knows i have obsessive/anxiety issues. that is the main reason why i think im having these erection problems for sure. i have been reading books on the topic and again, going to start seeing a therapist...thinking about taking cialis/valerian tonight as she has said we dont have sex enough (i agree)...i have had sex without cialis before but i was def more relaxed then than i am now...i just dont want to fail her...

if i tell her i saw a doctor, she would probably ask when...should i tell her before sex tonight? or after? messy situation ....im sure she would understand but i cant help but imagine the worst...thx!

[sizzling]

Don't tell her.

wont she notice that im able to have erection when i usually cant and that will make her suspicious?!!?

[doppelgaenger]

wont she notice that im able to have erection when i usually cant and that will make her suspicious?!!?

You're putting too much thought into it. Stop worrying about what she thinks and just enjoy the poon, man.

[pisces25]

Hi Sizzling,
I am curious as to why you wouldn't tell her? Erection problems are quite common. She is your girlfriend and should be understanding to what you are going through. I know you are afraid of her reaction and she may he react irrationally at first but this problem affects you both so she has a right to know. And her knowing may even make you relax a little rather put yourself under all this stress of needing to perform. My kinda-ex (we are working on things) suffers erection problems and was put on Cialis and is also seeking therapy for the underlying issues as his issues are pyschological. If he had hidden all this from me and I found out later I don't think I'd be as open to reconciliation as I am now. He was truthful with me from the start and I really admire and respect him for that.
Good luck

[sizzling]

Hi Sizzling,
I am curious as to why you wouldn't tell her? Erection problems are quite common. She is your girlfriend and should be understanding to what you are going through. I know you are afraid of her reaction and she may he react irrationally at first but this problem affects you both so she has a right to know. And her knowing may even make you relax a little rather put yourself under all this stress of needing to perform. My kinda-ex (we are working on things) suffers erection problems and was put on Cialis and is also seeking therapy for the underlying issues as his issues are pyschological. If he had hidden all this from me and I found out later I don't think I'd be as open to reconciliation as I am now. He was truthful with me from the start and I really admire and respect him for that.
Good luck

thanks for the response...i really do want to tell her...thing is i first took cialis a few months ago to see how it would work and it worked well...should i tell her that i have taken it from time to time for a few months? what if she asked me how long ive been on it for? i dont want to lie to her...i just feel like she would be less attracted to me if she knew i was getting chemical help for erections...is that an irrational fear? she is very supportive of my therapy and has even offered to come with if i wanted her to...

whats the best way for me to bring it up? im guessing before we have sex not after? or not around sex time at all? plz advise...thx!

[pisces25]

Let me just get a bit more clarity on the situation.

Does she know you are seeing a therapist for your erection problems/performance anxiety?

How long have you been together and sexually active? Are you having erection problems every time you have sex with her (without the pills) ?

Is she the first girl you have had this problem with? Did you first take the pills before you met her or after?

Sorry for all the questions but I feel I will be in a better position to offer further guidance if I know a bit more. As mentioned have been going through this with my fella so I know a little about pyschological erectile problems.

[DarkHelmet82]

you should tell her.. if she loves you she will accept it... you lie and she finds out you are in deep crap

[doppelgaenger]

you should tell her.. if she loves you she will accept it... you lie and she finds out you are in deep crap

Bullshit.

_____

[reeba]

I think it depends on how old you are. If you are over 40 then tell her. She probably has some friends who have had these issues or herself had experience what a sig other with these issues.

If you are younger, I would say 'no'. I'm sorry to say this, but if I was dating someone who couldn't get it up, it would make ME feel like I was doing something wrong or they weren't into me.

Say something perhaps after 6 months. After you know you are in a relationship and not just a hookup.

[sizzling]

Let me just get a bit more clarity on the situation.

Does she know you are seeing a therapist for your erection problems/performance anxiety?

How long have you been together and sexually active? Are you having erection problems every time you have sex with her (without the pills) ?

Is she the first girl you have had this problem with? Did you first take the pills before you met her or after?

Sorry for all the questions but I feel I will be in a better position to offer further guidance if I know a bit more. As mentioned have been going through this with my fella so I know a little about pyschological erectile problems.

she knows about my therapist and has offered to come to sessions....

we've been together about a year, sexually active for bout 4 months....most of the time im having erection problems without the pills (a few times i didnt)

shes my first girlfriend ive had sex with...i started taking pills after meeting her...thx!

[sizzling]

I think it depends on how old you are. If you are over 40 then tell her. She probably has some friends who have had these issues or herself had experience what a sig other with these issues.

If you are younger, I would say 'no'. I'm sorry to say this, but if I was dating someone who couldn't get it up, it would make ME feel like I was doing something wrong or they weren't into me.

Say something perhaps after 6 months. After you know you are in a relationship and not just a hookup.

im in my mid twenties and have been dating my gf for bout a year so def no hook up...they say this is not too uncommon even in young men...and my problem is for sure psychological and she knows that....not her fault..