I've gotten myself in quite a mess... Long story.

[So-Confused]

So I've been with this woman for about 14 months. We've lived together for about 7-8 months. I felt her starting to push me away months ago but continued the relationship because I love her. It was mostly small things but over time they have added up. She would talk about wanting to move out and have her own place. I feel like we have no similar interests, we never go out together, she doesn't like that I work from home and she has to go to a office everyday, she is indifferent to the things that I am passionate about in life, im unsatisfied sexually, we have different world views on religion, I just feel like most of the time we are on different levels. But with that said, I do love her. I honestly don't know if i'm still in love with her or if I'm just comfortable and don't want to hurt her. I do know that I was deeply in love with her at one point and I thought she was the one and I believe she thought I was the one.

She ended up leaving town on my 30th birthday. I was honestly upset and told her about it. It turned into a small fight, we rarely actually "fight" with yelling and all that nonsense. But she ended up leaving and I ended up hanging out with our female neighbor. Bad idea. Nothing inappropriate happened. We both knew I was in a relationship and we just hung out and drank. I told my girlfriend about it because I try my hardest not to be a liar and not to hide things. She wasn't happy about it but it wasn't a huge deal. Over the next couple weeks she made little comments here and there about "my other girlfriend next door" mostly jokes but it was obvious she was uncomfortable about it.

Few weeks later we were still having problems and I felt that I wasn't getting what I need and deserve out of our relationship. Finally I just flat out told her, I'm ready to leave, I'm feed up. If you don't love me just say so and I'll leave. I said if things don't change I'm done. I basically "tried" to break up but couldn't even though she flat out said "I don't feel the same". So a couple more weeks go by and she honestly was trying to please me more. I could see it. She tried harder, but it was too little, too late.

Well fast forward another few weeks and I've hung out with the neighbor multiple times, most of which my girlfriend doesn't know about. Nothing happened between us, no kissing, no nothing, just hanging out. But I felt my feelings growing for her everytime I saw her. We have so much in common. It feels perfect, but so so wrong because I was in a relationship. To add to the assorted mess of this situation, I have herpes. I eventually told the neighbor. She's the first person I've ever had to tell because my current/ex girlfriend is who gave it to me.

Her answer was amazing. She didn't care. She was so nice about it. She sent me a message later saying how she can understand the situation I'm in and how scary it must be and how she would stand next to me no matter what I did. That she would be my friend if that's all we ever had. I was just blown away by her reaction. It made me feel so good. It was just amazing to me.�

Well the following day, yesterday actually, I broke up with my girlfriend. Partially because I'm having feelings for someone else, partially because our relationship was on the rocks already, partially because I'm scared and I feel I've betrayed her already. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through and I'm still going through it because we live together and neither of us have anywhere else to go. We've been totally civil to each other, we've talked, we've cried, we've hugged, and we've joked about how weird it will be to "not be together" anymore. I just dont know what to do. I feel so terrible because I've hurt someone that I care about so much. Half of me feels worst than ever and half of me is glad that I did it. I'm just so confused. I'm lost.

As soon as we actually broke up I called the neighbor and we went and got drinks. I ended up kissing her for the first time and it felt so good. I then stumbled home, way too drunk, to my ex being so worried about me and glad I was home ok. I slept on the couch.

She keeps asking me if there is someone else but I can't tell her. It will hurt so bad. I've already broken her heart, I don't want to stomp on it. I just feel so bad. I feel like I've just betrayed my best friend. I feel rotten, �at the same time glad because its over and maybe I can be happy with this other woman. If I tell her it's the neighbor she will feel like I've was unfaithful. When in reality I kind of was, because I let myself fall for someone else.

I don't know, im just so screwed in the head right now. I feel like I should just man up and handle this and stop being so emotional. I'm a 30 year old man. I should be able to handle this. As I started typing this I was questioning weather I made the right decision, but as I see it all written out I'm slightly more confidant in my decision. But it's still so hard. When I look at her, my ex, I get so sad. Because we have so many memories and I feel I've betrayed her. But I didn't want to make her feel like I felt, like when she was pushin me away, because it made me feel so weak. I didn't want her to feel that way, but I felt myself distancing from her emotionally. I had no choice.

Basically I broke up with her because I didn't want to lie to her. But I'm lying to her now so I may as well have just cheated on her. **** my life.

[So-Confused]

Please excuse my multiple spelling and grammatical errors. Once again I've had a few too many to drink...and thank you in advance to anyone who actually reads this all.

[realisticbound]

Seems like the inevitable just finally happened. I'm sure she's hurt but she's probably also grateful that one of you finally said the words that reflect the sentiments that seem to have been there for a while "it's over".