Big Worry

[RedRed]

I posted this in Ask a Female but I'm looking for as much help as I can get.

There is a fair bit of back story so please bare with me.

Basic Info -

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year.
I'm 21 and she's 22.
We are not each others first partner.
Her ex is some millionaires son.

Details -

She was with her ex for about a year and he essentially ****ed a year of her life up.
She was spending so much time with him that she failed out of her first year of college and he then got her pregnant due to both of their negligence.
She had an abortion, but she is a very stable and intelligent girl and deals with it well.
All this had basically split her and her parents up, they hated eachother.
He then cheated on her and she broke up with him.
Just when we started to date and spend more time together he tried to get her back and she told him "no I'm with *me*"

Issue -

About 5 months in to our relationship I saw that she had visited her ex's facebook page and gone through many photos of him. I confronted her about this and she said she was just going through it to see if he had deleted pictures of the two of them and that in her head she was thinking "That was the past and it's over, *I* am the future and she is happy."

Ok, I believed her, fool me once maybe.

Now four months after that I see she has gone through them again.

This is my problem. I haven't confronted her this time, but what would be her excuse this time? Why would she want to go through this guys, who brought so much trouble and pain into her life, pictures and see him being happy and what he's up to? I try my best to make her happy, and encourage her to study and whatever else I can to make her life easy and happy and she is worried about what this jerk is up to. Is it simply the whole nice guys finish last thing? Please someone help me because it is driving me insane. We never talk about sex anymore, we never have sex anymore, she seems vacant when we kiss. She says it's exams and its this and its that and she sounds honest and she sounds like she cares about me, but then I see this thing with her ex and it makes me want to tear a hole in the ground and crawl inside it and have the earth swallow me.

I'm sure many people will be thinking "well if you act like this around her...", but I don't. This is the first time I've opened up about this to anyone.

So, am I crazy?

[reeba]

Every once in a while I'll 'virtually stalk' an ex. Just because I'm curious on what they are doing. It means nothing.

It is probably all in your imagingation.

[Pakal]

Don't control her. Make her feel save with you by asking how she feels from time to time. And do nice things with her. Don't talk about this. But you can tell her that you are afraid loosing her. Keep call and be attractive to her in the way it started between you.

[Jolicoeur]

I totally agree with reeba and Pakal about the Facebook stalking.

The lack of sex is however something you should address rather soon. It is important to have intimacy for a relationship to survive. Maybe you are doing something wrong, even if I'm sure you don't do it on purpose. This needs to be resolved with careful communication.

I've known a girl who completely sepatated from her boyfriend for two weeks during exams. Afterwards they got back together (as agreed) like nothing happened. I think you should respect that.

And, big warning: stop checking her surf history! You are commiting a moral offence here, and it will definitely cause a chiasm in your relationship one way or another.

[MaidenMinx]

Yes, you are crazy, but crazy is normal so I wouldn't worry about it.

I once googled an abusive ex after hearing rumours that he'd been arrested. Found out the rumours were true had a 'Ha ha! My life is better than yours!' moment and got on with my day. I've also tried to find the occasional nice ex just to see if they are happy. There is nothing wrong with wishing your ex the best.

[MaidenMinx]

And, big warning: stop checking her surf history! You are commiting a moral offence here, and it will definitely cause a chiasm in your relationship one way or another.

Here! Here! My fiance and I actually have seperate accounts on the computer which are both passworded and there has only been once I have had a legitimate need to ask him for his passowrd to access his profile. (for anyone who thinks this is odd it's this simple. I am a horrible snoop and he likes porn. I have no objection to his porn thing as long as I don't have to 'know' about it. This saves me snooping and finding out how much he's been looking at. It works for us) Privacy is as important as honesty in my opinion (and I know how hypocritical that sounds considering I'm a self confessed snoop)