How do I get rid of this feeling?

[mrcellophane5]

How do I get rid of this feeling?

Hello everyone, this will be my first post here, so I am not sure whether I will be able to write this in a correct and concise way.
However, long story short:

I’m a guy in his 20s who has a crush on one particular girl. This thing has been going on for nearly 2 years now, and I am really fed up with the feelings that I have for her. We met in college and I had no interest whatsoever in her during my Freshman year (she was simply just another nice girl for me). Then everything started to go bad during my 2nd year when I started to get to know how empathetic she is toward people (she has devoted most of her life to working for charity organizations). I hung out with her occasionally, and I guess that’s when I started having feelings toward her. What made matters even worse for me is that, in a way I started thinking that it is not the way she looks that I am really falling in love with but her general way of life and her personality. I was euphoric about this yet nothing ever progressed whatsoever. We occasionally chat, however, it is unlikely to ever improve…

My question would be how do you get rid of that feeling especially since it is the first time ever for me to feel that emotionally influenced by a girl.

Thank you in advance for any help…

[wolfie91]

Why isn't it likely to improve? Are you not planning to make a move on her? Do you worry that you are not sexually attracted to her...?

[foreverafriend]

Just keep up with the chatting and don't think about it so much. Enjoy each others company and see how things unfold. My experience the more pressure you put on someone the more they will freak out and run away. You have to let the feelings build mutally. If they don't then maybe move on. But I wouldn't be so down on yourself just yet.

[mrcellophane5]

Thank you wolfie91 and foreverafriend for your replies.

Why isn't it likely to improve? Are you not planning to make a move on her? Do you worry that you are not sexually attracted to her...?

I have my own personal hunches about being unsuccessful with her. It’s hard to epitomize what I have seen and whether my words are credible but I have the feeling that I am not an interesting person to her, as well as not good boyfriend material at all in the long-run, and on the other hand she as a person is a very sociable girl who has hundreds of friends, and is usually at the center of everyone’s attention. It’s ironic, in my own mind, that an introverted person such as myself fell for such a girl, who can have in my opinion any guy in the world (she might not be a perfect 10 but her benevolence and sweet innocent look makes not only my heart explode I guess). Every smile, laugh, or tear have a major impact on me. Whenever I can catch a glance from her, make her laugh, or just smile I feel as if I was on ecstasy, as if I was living life at the fullest. At the same time, most of the time when I get something negative from her my heart simply breaks up completely. I also get jealous whenever I hear about the guys she’s attracted to because in the end the guy are just promiscuous bastards who are interested in mostly one night stands.

As for the sexual attractiveness, I can tell you honestly that she is a very, very attractive girl which makes matters even worse for me. I keep questioning myself whether I have really fallen for her kindhearted approach to people in need or just her looks in the end. I thought that the former was the case since I did not pay any attention to her during my first year of college at all. It’s just this irrational attraction that I feel to her that makes me go mad about myself.

Also you ask me whether I am planning on making a move on her. As mentioned above I am a very introverted person, and I have not been in any relationship ever (I know that this sounds really stupid). That is why she caught so much of my attention, because before, I would find girls to be interesting and attractive, but I would not have butterflies in my stomach around them, or a strong emotional feeling, or connection. Also I had an accident just before I started college (medical malpractice). I used to be a very athletic guy training 10 times a week, and always trying to avoid the bad stuff that would possibly hinder my health (alcohol, drugs, tobacco), and the experience gained from training sports was able to make me a more confident person. Every day I have regrets about this event and wish that I could have had the accident after college just because of her. I dream that because of my athleticism and the confidence it had gave me I would be more open to girls like her, and that I would have had at least chance with her. Yet this is never going to happen now and the medical malpractice just made matters even worse for me.

Moreover, we are not meeting that often anymore, and everytime I see her I act scared and cold, because I do not want her to know that I guy like me is interested in her. This summer I am planning on staying in college to complete an intership, and I will probably try to do some charity work in my free time (both for my personal satisfaction of helping someone in need, as well as to be with her a little bit more if I get the chance). I do not know why I am so fanatical about this girl. I really think this is thing is getting out of hand, and maybe I should change my plans for this summer.